experienced by, Chanel./

Everyone’s walking around me, but I can’t move. My soul is on fire, glowing with the heat from your words. The apprehension paralyzes me. The sound of your voice, chilling to my bare skin yet at the same time, soothing these goose bumps that rose. I can feel your breath as you reassure me. Comparable to few, your display of devotion to me is in the most truest form. Our expectations of each other and what we want out of life are synchronized. I want to steal your heart. I want to bite your bottom lip. I want to burn your toast. I want to pick your boogers. I just want to grow with you. But I am scared. You’re like a drug that’s advertised by society & the media. I’ll admit, I’m addicted to you. Addicted to your poison. Addicted to your filth. Addicted to your mood swings. Addicted to your snores. With you, I feel so high. I lose control of my natural being. My body shakes when you wear off and I yearn for more. You have got to be the most dangerous thing imaginable. Your hunger yells at me. Those screams captured my soul. Pleasuring your essence is my ultimate goal. You have set me free. And I am grateful for that. You found a spark of desire in me that’s been hidden for a long time. You have rekindled the feelings I once thought I couldn’t ever feel for a man anymore.

There are times where I just sit here. No television on, no music, no lights…and just wonder. I wonder where would we be 5 years from now? Wondering…am I still going to feel the same? I’m not going to lie. At first I thought I wasn’t good enough for you. I look at myself in the mirror and say “What does he see in me?” Obviously it was something I couldn’t see in myself. You gave me a new found confidence, in which I didn’t have before. There were too many times you have failed me and I lost hope in you. I cried so many tears because of you. My heart is too bruised. What makes you think I should give you another chance now? Why should I take the risks?

Before you, my heart laid somewhere in the pits of my fear. Fighting the unknown. Frozen, unable to respond to warmth. Before you, everyday just came & went. Filled with uncertainty and doubt. All of the pain, hurt and agony. Made me lose who I am & made me feel unworthy of someone like you. I was damned. The thought of ever feeling this way again was snubbed out. I was preserving so much negativity about you. Dwelling the anger, allowing the evil to grow. Not allowing anyone to see the beauty inside. If you seen me, you were able to see my pain. If you spoke to me, you were able to expose my fears. If I heard you, you were able to tell me forgotten truths. If I embrace you, you were able to hurt me. But that was then & this is now. Now, I am able to surrender to you. Now, I am able to focus on the positive aspects that you bring into my life. Now, I’ve gained a new source of strength. You. My fears are diluted. You. I can be myself without being capitalized on my flaws. You. I’m rid of all my doubts & know it is possible to feel this way again. You. My days don’t seem like nights anymore. You. I’ve finally overcome my fear of the other side because you’ve shown me the way. You. All you baby. And I am caught up in your rapture. I surrender.

Yesterday was an endless void. Today is an awakening. Tomorrow is anticipated. All that’s left for me to do is to feel you on my fingertips…

Hi. My name is Chanel. Nice to finally meet you, Love.