written may 31st, 2008
All relationships are like contractual agreements. Each party expects to receive certain things. You need to discuss what you want from each other and where you all will go together in life together. In our intimate relationships, sex is like a signature on the contract. Unfortunately, many of us sign the contract without reading the fine print. In laymen terms, people fuck each other without discussing the grounds they have with each other. Just because you’re in a relationship with someone that does not mean you have to have sex with them. Just because you had sex with someone that does not mean you’re in a relationship with them. People often misconstrue the value and act of sex and what comes (or dont come) along with it. So by the time we discover what kind of deal we are being offered, we are bound by our signatures. Some contracts have a 90-day grace period. This gives the people the opportunity to examine the merchandise, test the service, make any necessary adjustments or just bail out of the agreement. I, for one, know the difference between a relationship and a sex partner. If I want to have sex with someone with no strings attached I’ll let them know that beforehand because there are plenty of wackos out there that will think I’m their girlfriend by the next morning. If I want to start a relationship with someone we will take our time to reach that mental & physical understanding so we can build a proper foundation. We all had our times where we just had sex with someone and then remained cordial with each other. Nothing more, nothing less. Sometimes one person leaves the other one so satisfied that they end up catching feelings. But if you’re in dire need of love & affection and seeking companionship by throwing sex into the equation FIRST, without even allowing your mate have an inch of feelings or respect for you, there’s not much possible for you all in the future. Mostly not at all.
This is especially hard when you’re out on the dating scene. Some people wonder how is it possible to date multiple people. Well it’s easy. That’s because each person either has or lacks something. For instance, when I date multiple men (let’s just say 3) they all serve different purposes for me. One may be the fun outgoing type, the other is the quiet and reserved and then the third is the one that I’m really attracted to. But each one is always missing something major as to why I won’t commit to one. It’s not fair to settle myself or to waste my time with someone I know I can’t be compatible with on an one-on-one basis right? I think it’s purely healthy to date multiple people because it gives you a chance to experience things that you like/don’t like that way you can be even more certain once you find that right person to settle down with. And when you do, you test the waters by just dating that person exclusively. Don’t just jump into a relationship with them. Remember, you were distracted by 2 or more other people during the time you was getting to learn more about this one. See how it is when you’re only focus is just them. If you are able to survive that test, then it’s time to discuss a more serious commitment.
So if you have feelings for someone and want that to last (possibly turn the friendship into a relationship), converse with that individual about how he or she feels about you and see if they want the same from you. Don’t front about it also. If you’re confused & curious about the feelings you have, speak upon them. Don’t downplay the situation make it seem less than what it is in your heart. That’s how you lose out on a good thing. It only makes sense to communicate with them that you’re interested in them and you want a future together instead of just fucking them and then believing that you are now a couple. Sex does not make them yours. It just makes them realize the true respect you had for the situation. And for yourself. For a good contract deal on a relationship we may need time to assess behavior; true intentions and the performance history of the prospect person. The fine-print issues such as habits, motive and background cannot be seen with closed eyes and heard with closed ears. So don’t be surprised if you give your body to someone and it doesn’t go any further then just that.
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