where do i go?
It’s hard to find someone that will listen to my own issues. When you become a reliable source, people don’t want to hear about your own problems when you’ve become the person that “comforts”. I’ve been told that I know just what to say & exactly what to do to turn the worst situation into a conquerable challenge. I mean shit, almost everyone in my life calls on me when it comes down to resolving their issues. I guess because I’m strong. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but since I’m so strong, where do I go? Who do I lean on? Where do I go when I’m not feeling so strong anymore? Take my site for instance. I probably get 5 emails per day filled with other people’s problems. And not simple stuff like “What should I do about my whopping cough”, but about deep embedded issues like family problems, parental tips and survival tactics for your emotions. Sometimes I feel pressured. Then other times I feel real funky and want to say “Why are they asking me?…Shit I got my own problems”. I’m not God (newsflash) so I don’t have all the right answers. Sorry. The only thing I’m capable of doing is speaking for myself on how I would handle myself in the particular situation. There was a time where I would take the weight of the world on my shoulders and then I eventually broke down. Those same people that scrambled to me for help weren’t even there. They were full of excuses to why they can’t help me. I could have gave you the cold shoulder as well when you ran to me all those times but I didn’t. I was there for you. Even if I wanted to turn my back on you…I couldn’t. But it seems as if I’m still waiting on the returned favor. Am I being tacky or am I being fair? I do for you therefore you do for me correct? Obviously that’s not the reason why I’m doing it but damn…can a bitch have some redemption? Why I’m always the one left hanging? Alone…
Those people aren’t in my life anymore but it still hurts just thinking about how they turned their backs on me. I don’t do things like that myself because I treat my loved ones as I want to be treated. I’m also very grateful for those experiences. Through those events, I have learned so many new things. So much about myself. From my loved ones, strangers, from experimenting and by just minding my business. Every new situation that I face in life, takes me further away from the negative aspects of my past. Some are painful reminders makes me believe I shouldn’t take chances. I shouldn’t take risks. But, like an embryo, we must go through changes in order to become whole, healthy and complete. We’re going to feel alone, confused or frightened during the process but it’s all good. The outcome of it all is well worth the struggle. In reality, we all are growing, developing, evolving. Go out there and be carefree especially when you’re trying to achieve your goals. Break the limits. Pass the borders. Color outside of the line. That’s how we’re suppose to live life. Some mornings you may wake up feeling good, ready to go out and take on the world and “be” a great day. But on other days, we wake up to total darkness that makes the whole world seem depressing. On those days remember the words I stated and just live your life. You only get one so why waste it on anything that leads towards the negative? Don’t do as you please because it’s your day off. Do as you please everyday.
Always remember that we are given just one life to live. So why should anyone treat it as if you get a second time around?
Edit: We have a new addition to the family! I had to give up my old cat Diva due to health issues last month so I adopted a 2 month old kitten yesterday. We named him Prince because he’s fierce, just like Prince, lol (Nevermind, his name is Tigger now, lol. That’s what she wants to name him) Nevermind again, now she wants it to be Prince, ugh! My daughter is so happy. We’re so happy.