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where do i go?

Mon 7.13.09in life, thoughts6

It’s hard to find someone that will listen to my own issues. When you become a reliable source, people don’t want to hear about your own problems when you’ve become the person that “comforts”. I’ve been told that I know just what to say & exactly what to do to turn the worst situation into a conquerable challenge. I mean shit, almost everyone in my life calls on me when it comes down to resolving their issues. I guess because I’m strong. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but since I’m so strong, where do I go? Who do I lean on? Where do I go when I’m not feeling so strong anymore? Take my site for instance. I probably get 5 emails per day filled with other people’s problems. And not simple stuff like “What should I do about my whopping cough”, but about deep embedded issues like family problems, parental tips and survival tactics for your emotions. Sometimes I feel pressured. Then other times I feel real funky and want to say “Why are they asking me?…Shit I got my own problems”. I’m not God (newsflash) so I don’t have all the right answers. Sorry. The only thing I’m capable of doing is speaking for myself on how I would handle myself in the particular situation. There was a time where I would take the weight of the world on my shoulders and then I eventually broke down. Those same people that scrambled to me for help weren’t even there. They were full of excuses to why they can’t help me. I could have gave you the cold shoulder as well when you ran to me all those times but I didn’t. I was there for you. Even if I wanted to turn my back on you…I couldn’t. But it seems as if I’m still waiting on the returned favor. Am I being tacky or am I being fair? I do for you therefore you do for me correct? Obviously that’s not the reason why I’m doing it but damn…can a bitch have some redemption? Why I’m always the one left hanging? Alone…

Those people aren’t in my life anymore but it still hurts just thinking about how they turned their backs on me. I don’t do things like that myself because I treat my loved ones as I want to be treated. I’m also very grateful for those experiences. Through those events, I have learned so many new things. So much about myself. From my loved ones, strangers, from experimenting and by just minding my business. Every new situation that I face in life, takes me further away from the negative aspects of my past. Some are painful reminders makes me believe I shouldn’t take chances. I shouldn’t take risks. But, like an embryo, we must go through changes in order to become whole, healthy and complete. We’re going to feel alone, confused or frightened during the process but it’s all good. The outcome of it all is well worth the struggle. In reality, we all are growing, developing, evolving. Go out there and be carefree especially when you’re trying to achieve your goals. Break the limits. Pass the borders. Color outside of the line. That’s how we’re suppose to live life. Some mornings you may wake up feeling good, ready to go out and take on the world and “be” a great day. But on other days, we wake up to total darkness that makes the whole world seem depressing. On those days remember the words I stated and just live your life. You only get one so why waste it on anything that leads towards the negative? Don’t do as you please because it’s your day off. Do as you please everyday.

Always remember that we are given just one life to live. So why should anyone treat it as if you get a second time around?

Edit:  We have a new addition to the family! I had to give up my old cat Diva due to health issues last month so I adopted a 2 month old kitten yesterday. We named him Prince because he’s fierce, just like Prince, lol (Nevermind, his name is Tigger now, lol. That’s what she wants to name him) Nevermind again, now she wants it to be Prince, ugh! My daughter is so happy. We’re so happy.


6 COMMENTS ON THIS POST To “where do i go?”

  1. S says:

    Whenever you are feeling down, want to bitch bout something or someone, just holla.

    I’ve always got your back! If you dont know, now you know :)

  2. Seriya says:

    Girl, I can’t believe you’re still on the net! One of the original bloggers :d and I still see that you still blog things worth reading.

  3. Shannon says:

    I know exactly what you mean. I have always been the one that people come to for help because I was always labeled the strongest, especially in my family because I’m the eldest child. When my mother passed, a lot of my family members leaned on me because I’m the one that was the strongest and comforted everyone. But then I think back on those times and I really had no one to lean on. People tend to think that the strong ones don’t have problems/issues and if they do, they’re always able to solve them — which isn’t the case. It’s a terrible assumption, especially for a friend to make. However, I will admit, it’s a lot easier for people to make that type of assumption because the strong ones usually don’t complain as much. We do tend to solve our own problems most of the time. But to be completely honest, I can’t really rely on anyone to help me with my problems if 95% of the time they’re coming to me when they need their problems solved. How much help are they are to me? Then there’s the other aspect of things — sometimes I just want to talk, I don’t always want solutions to my problems, sometimes I just want to let it all out and most of the time I don’t have listening ears.

  4. Angel says:

    This bothered me a lot when my site was completely active. People would e-mail me with some of the wildest things. I have always been the type of person who took on everyone’s problems. I always felt that I had to take care of people, but nobody took care of me. I’ve had my share of breakdowns and there’s really only been two people beside God who’s been there for me. After always carrying everyone’s crap for years, I’m learned to just let it go.

    Life is too short to be dwelling on so many problems.

  5. Aoki Chinkee says:

    I feel this one…
    I’m 16 but everyone comes to me with their issues because I’m the one that’s going to tell you like it is, offensive or not. I don’t judge anyone and I give advice to help you not damage you.

    But when it comes time for me to ask someone for advice, they barely pay attention or don’t know what to do.

    It’s like you have to solve your own issues and everyone’s else

  6. Shonni says:

    Wow this entry is pretty deep and I can relate. Some people are so wrapped in their own lives, they don’t even make time to think about anyone else, but would probably be heated if you ever once acted like that towards them when they needed you. That’s why most of those type of friends stay with problems, they focus on their limitations so much and fail to realize that they are makin their problems everyone else’s and driving good friends or family away.