There’s nothing more infuriating than not being able to heal those emotional scars that someone else left in your life. Scars from relationships. Scars from childhood memories. Scars from words, incidents, and our judgments of them. We cover those scars with personality, habits and sometimes, drugs, sex and alcohol. We go out into the world with our wounded souls and pretend as if we are not hurt. I do it all the time. I could be going through some major issues back at home, but once I get to work, I’m all smiles and jokes. And vice versa. Every time we’re confronted with an event similar to the one that caused the scars, the wounds are reopened and we become paranoid. Sometimes we become unfair and automatically assume that this event will turn out the same way like the previous one. It’s fair to say that most times we avoid it from happening again, for the best, but then we may miss out on a good thing just because of that paranoia of happening again.
Stop blaming everyone else for your current condition & take full responsibility for yourself. “My father was a deadbeat dad, that’s why I don’t take care of my kids.” “I was abused as a child so beating my kids is the only thing I know.” “Alcholism runs in my family.” People choose to be who they are. All of these poor excuses/justifications you’re making for your wrong doings is only making you appear more weak minded. You don’t choose your family because you’re born into them, however, you make the decisions in who you friends are because that’s the privilege we have. Correct? So why can’t you apply those same decision making aspects into the way you lead your life? Just because you were exposed to alcohol usage, that doesn’t mean it’s okay for you to become an alcoholic. Just because your father physically abused your mother, doesn’t mean you should ever fall prey to hit a woman. I don’t care what you’ve been through. We have been going through life long enough to learn not to make excuses for our faulty ways. How do you expect to grow if we’re unable to learn from our past? From what we’ve been exposed to? If I continue to blame everyone for where I’ve been, isn’t is just as fair for me to blame myself for where I go? We have a reason to be vulnerable or even angry about our history, but there’s no reason for us to remain where we are. There’s no reason to aimlessly try to follow the footsteps of someone’s erroneous behavior.
You’re the only person responsible for your happiness. One of our main goals in life is to not be dependent on someone else. To take strides within our own paths in a route that we’ve created, on our own, as the years have gone by. Why let someone’s conditions place a restriction in your path or on who you are? Yes I understand we’re influenced by at least one person in our lives, but that doesn’t mean it’s okay to clone their behavior & follow in their negative footsteps. If my mother’s greatest attribute is always giving a helping hand, yet, her least appealing attribute is her addiction to drugs, which one you think is best to pick up? With that being said, spare me the drama and the tear sheds of whoever, whenever, why ever such & such made you act the way you do. All that tells me is that you’re more weak minded than I thought. Mature people with strong minds gives no excuses for their actions. They embrace their shortcomings and if it affects others, they will try their best to fix it. Stop giving the word “influence” so much power. Influence means “To affect the nature, development, or condition of.” Looks to me, it can work both ways. Positive & negative. Yet, you chose the negative (otherwise known as the meek) route. Too many times I’ve heard people blame their upbringing or experiences on why they treat others a certain way. It’s always because of their mom, dad, ex-girlfriend, ex-boyfriend, what one of their friends said & etc. I mean, I’m getting so tired of these lame excuses. I really don’t care what you’ve been through to be honest. Granted, scars don’t heal but they are not meant to be the blue print of the rest of your experiences in life.
As long as you find someone else to blame for anything you are doing, you cannot be held accountable or responsible for your growth or the lack of it.
Sun Bear
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I have to agree with you completely on this one. There are so many people who don’t take responsibilities for their own actions and I used to be there.
Used to blame everyone else for my failure except for myself and then I finally grew up and realized that I’m the cause of my failure in life.
It seems like its always easier to blame someone else for your problems. To blame someone else for the way that you conduct yourself, and do things. I wish everyone could read your blogs.
I agree with seeing things for what they are.
You should not take the blame or responsibility for things that are not your fault or within your control. Although, I guess by pro-actively holding the proper thing/person accountable you are taking responsibility for your situation.
Likewise, as you were saying, one should not place blame on others when it lies with themselves.
:giggle:
i’ve been trying my damnedest to do that very thing, take control. the steps are very tiny now, but soon i will take leaps and move on beyond this BS.
I agree, so many people use excuses to defend their behaviour.
People have to take responsibility for themselves and their actions instead of blaming everyone else for their downfall or situation in life. I see too often people complaining about this and giving excuses for how they act on someone else’s account.
As always, another great read. I believe that there some things that people can’t be blamed for. However, as you said, you can be exposed to a lot of things and still turn out 100% opposite. I know that because I am one of those people who was raised around things that I would never dream of doing.
This entry really hit close to home. I know I always think about the people who use their scars as crutches for their behavior. I know it is hard, but I do know that everything that has every happened to me in my life was a learning experience and I would not change any part. It bothers me when I hear people say they drink because alcoholism is in their family, or people who smoke because their mothers were puffing smoke into their faces from the day the left the womb. I know people who want nothing to do with any of those items for that very reason. Anyway…I don’t want to bore you! I just wanted to let you know this entry almost made me cry at first. I think it was just too powerful for me to just read it and move on.
This entry had my full attention. An interesting point you made was when you stated that you do not pick your family because you are born into it. I have disowned half of my family because they continued to be fake & just downright negative. This was recently & when drama came from it, I remember my aunt playing the blame game. I do come from a family of alcoholics & I have consumed alcohol. However, I’m not an alcoholic & I’m not sitting here blaming family for my wanting to try it. I’m not sitting here blaming the idea of peer pressure nor am I blaming the statics of a 17-year-old wanting to drink alcohol. I, Mallory Anne, wanted to try it [point blank]. Matter of fact, my aunt blamed me for “sneaking” it at her house. I then decided to take responsibility for my actions however, my aunt ALLOWED me to consume it. I actually got off a lot easier for coming forward. My point is that I’ve learned already at my age to accept the consequences. If I’m going to do something that I know is wrong…I better be ready to, right?! I think so. Unfortunately, some people never learned that. Nicely written Chanel!
On another note, I’m not one to judge others based on their past. I guess that goes for what they have gone through in their lifetime too. You learn to overcome it. I admit I pity those who have had a bad past. However, those who don’t overcome things & play the blame game are the ones who are actually looking for pity! My father is an alcoholic-I know first hand. I also know better, that you never give it to them. Anywho, I judge based on now & who they are towards me.