Tag: thoughts

no doubts.

Wed 1.1.14in thoughtsComments Off


Question no one; Answer to no one.

I trust and accept all the good things that make their way into my experience.
I trust and accept all the love offered me.
I trust and accept that peace and happiness are my birthright.

We’ve all experienced it– that moment when we look for the imperfection in what appears to be flawless. It’s that split-second when our wounded, frightened emotional self rises up, takes the helm, and announces, “This is too good to be true.” When that moment happens our perspective shifts from open-hearted acceptance to fear-based faithlessness. The experience can spark a witch-hunt for reasons to doubt someone’s words or distrust their actions, no matter how full of integrity they truly are. Of course what we’re really hunting for are reasons to sabotage the flow of good in our lives, either to avoid being vulnerable or to validate the belief that we aren’t worthy. Whatever the underlying reason, if we allow ourselves to proceed with sirens blaring, looking for evidence to support our negative storytelling, our hearts will close up and close off what could be the best thing to ever happen to us. We will find completely erroneous reasons to push away the very things we deeply desire and yearn for, and “too good to be true,” will become “too good to let be true for me.”

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the reality checks that I deposited.

Fri 7.26.13in life1

faceI’ve had some reality checks the past couple of months (good and bad), and also been taken aback by what’s been going on with the media, law & just humanity as a whole. In the meantime, I did not allow this wacky world deter me from my desires and goals. I am still designing websites & have grown more passion for my craft. If you need an amazing site designed by someone that’s reliable, personable, result driven, and will go above and beyond to satisfy your needs, all for less than $800, contact me.

I don’t have the ability to draft a complete blog due to my thoughts being all over the place, so I will just list them.

1. As you progress, becoming happier, and exude more positivity, the more people will try to tear you down. Do not be surprised if it mostly comes from your inner circle and/or your loved ones. Ignore it and move on with your life. Never stoop to their level. People that act this way towards you are usually jealous of your new peace of mind. Misery loves company! Therefore: I align myself with people who support my growth. If you meet someone whose soul is not aligned with yours, send them love and move along.

2. When a friend knows that you’re going through a lot, and they don’t even have the decency to at least text you to see if you’re okay, that’s not your friend. And the cliche “I’m going through a lot myself” line is just an excuse for their selfishness. Everyone is going through something. Some bigger than others. That doesn’t make it okay for them be self-absorbed. There were times where I felt like and/or I was going through the most worse period of my life, but I was still able to reach out to a friend just to say “Hope you’re doing well today”.

3. Everything that you go through happen the way they should, at the right time, to the right people, and ended the right way.

4. “The best way to love someone is not to change them, but instead, help them reveal the greatest version of themselves.” ― Steve Maraboli.

5. The tattoo on Trayvon Martin’s chest read “Cora” — his grandmother’s name. The NAACP’s petition to the Department of Justice asking for federal charges, including civil rights charges, to be filed against George Zimmerman has reached 1.5 million signatures. This major milestone was reached in just three days. The petition was set up on Saturday evening shortly after the verdict finding George Zimmerman not guilty in the murder of Trayvon Martin was read. Interested parties can still sign the petition, which will remain active and open until the Department of Justice completes their case. Sign the petition by visiting: naacp.org/The-DOJ-Petition – Or text “JUSTICE” to 62227. May he rest in peace.

6. Oh. So George Zimmerman was unable to win a fight (thus why he shot & killed) with a 17 year old, but he’s able to rescue a family of 4 from an overturned car? The responding officer to the scene to the accident is a family friend of George Zimmerman. Officer Patrick Rehder called Zimmerman the minute he noticed that there was an accident nearby. Zimmerman appeared out of nowhere to the accident, then “saved” the family from harm’s way. Here’s the catch: The accident was 100% real, however, what happened after was entirely staged. Click here for more info.

7. I’m a fond believer of treat others how you want to be treated. And I think most times, I give too much of myself to others. Case scenario: I’ve provided so much help (emotionally and financially) for someone, but when I needed the help (which is not often), they never even offered support nor a red cent.

8. I need to lower my expectations of people.

9. Everyone doesn’t have a beautiful soul like me. Therefore everyone doesn’t deserves to be in my presence to feed off of that energy.

10. julyweightlossMy current weight loss status: before & after. 205lbs in the before pics; 175lbs currently. I’m 5’8″. The scale is the least of my worries. I’m more concentrated on inches, definition, and body fat percentage. No jiggle, loose skin, cellulite, stretch marks, cottage cheese or health issues if you do it NATURALLY by changing your diet, weight training and cardio. I’m especially talking to you lipo, lapband and “starving yourself” LADIES. You may get quick results, but they’re only temporary and you are placing yourself in debt and higher health risks in the future. All it takes is a gym membership, at least 4 days of dedication per week, and opening your mouth to talk to others for advice. Trust me! LEARN, don’t RUSH. You’re welcome!

11. Everyone has a purpose in life. I believe my purpose is to touch lives and inspire others to find their inner strength. I want to be able to mentor young woman. I want be able to be called upon because they have no one else to talk to. This is not to be confused with selfish friends that only contact you because they need help. I am referring to volunteering at my church (which I have been taking classes for). There’s more to that in the upcoming week, so stay tuned!

12. I forgive my mother. I forgive my grandmother. I also forgive ______ (fill in the blank with all of the people that have hurt me & betrayed me. Past & present. And if you’re one of them reading this blog, I forgive you).

13. There are a lot of people with personality disorders, unresolved childhood issues, anxiety, depression and etc that are in denial, and they are not receiving the proper treatment (whether it’s counseling, medication, building a closer relationship with God, or the possibility of being in a stray jacket). Please swallow your pride and get evaluated if you feel like you are one of them. Not only are you hurting yourself, you are hurting others in the process. Especially if you are self-medicating with drugs, alcohol, or promiscuous sex. Those dangerous lifestyles doesn’t solve your problems; It only numbs you. Suppressing your feelings will only worsen your situation. Seek help. Especially FREE help. It’s out there for you. All you have to do is Google it, along with your zip code.

14. I no longer have the desire to retaliate the way I am attacked. I will remain calm, classy and cute. I am also no longer afraid to tell those that I love how they are making me feel. It’s so easy for me to tell a stranger how I feel, but when it’s someone in my inner circle, I kept it in to avoid conflict. I tend to just brush it off because I didn’t want it to escalate to an argument, then losing that relationship. But not anymore. You’re going to learn today. If you respect my feelings, then you will still be in my life tomorrow.

15. I am 100% dog mommy now. The bond I’ve built with my puppy Romeo is beyond amazing. I know understand (and can relate) to why other dog owners treat their dogs as if it’s their child. He’s not just my dog, he’s my son now!20130726-025954.jpg

16. I finally fell in love with myself.


bummed out.

Fri 8.3.12in health & beauty, lifeComments Off

I’ve been down in the dumps lately because I feel like my whole summer has been wasted because of my health. Having gallbladder disease was no joke! The strict diets, the sporadic nausea, the throwing up every other day, the pains, the Vicodin, the Zofran, the Percocet, the Ambien. I was completely over it. I finally had it removed on July 17th and can eat whatever I want now, but the recovery is still tiring as well. I still have 4 bullet size wounds trying to heal on my stomach, I can’t bend over (there goes my sex life), and my stomach is still puffy from the surgery. So I feel fat. I don’t look fat, but I feel fat because of the swelling. Many people have promised that if I give it another month my body will go back to normal again, but that only sounds good if it was Winter time. It’s 95 degrees every day! And while I can’t wake up until 1pm, can’t go to the gym or exercise until I’m 100% healed, sit around and design websites all day long, I get to see alllllllllllll of my friends posting pictures and etc of how much fun they’re having on every social media website I can think of.

The picture above is the only picture I can post currently. Me in my pissy ass bathroom. Not with my friends, not on the beach, not at a pool party, not in the club, not playing volleyball, not screaming “YOU AIN’T ABOUT THAT LIFE!”, not pouring champagne over a stripper breasts. Just me. Standing in my fucking bathroom. After I tested out an overpriced flatiron.

On a brighter note, Kyle and Tyasia have been wonderful the past few weeks. The first week Kyle barely slept because he had to help me walk and pee every hour. Yes, it even hurt to pee. Recovery is going slow, but I am getting better. Of course now, I have to “take it easy”. Even when I laugh too hard I feel a slight pain. When I put on one of my tight dresses, I feel a larger pain. So there goes my social life all over again. The only thing I feel comfortable in are maternity clothes (yes, I had to purchase a few tops and dresses to adhere to my current medical condition).

This is not what I imagined for Summer 2012. I planned on showing off my new body, continue going to the gym to beef up my abs and butt, whip my 26inch weave back and forth, and be. fucking. fabulous. Now I’m only fabulous when I do a fake photoshoot in the bathroom.

Sigh. At least I’m alive right?


i hate stripping.

Sat 2.26.11in general2

This is deep. While this may not apply to everybody, it definitely applies to some. Well put @loanyg.

I just want to let everyone know that this was written and recorded in the middle of last year but Im JUST now posting it. I kind of felt that if I would have posted this video while I was still dancing, it would have been a bit of contradiction. Update: I am no longer dancing. Pursuing my photography and working so that I can build on my artistry.
Loany G.

Good for you babe. Best of luck with your future endeavors!

where do i go?

Mon 7.13.09in life, thoughts6

It’s hard to find someone that will listen to my own issues. When you become a reliable source, people don’t want to hear about your own problems when you’ve become the person that “comforts”. I’ve been told that I know just what to say & exactly what to do to turn the worst situation into a conquerable challenge. I mean shit, almost everyone in my life calls on me when it comes down to resolving their issues. I guess because I’m strong. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but since I’m so strong, where do I go? Who do I lean on? Where do I go when I’m not feeling so strong anymore? Take my site for instance. I probably get 5 emails per day filled with other people’s problems. And not simple stuff like “What should I do about my whopping cough”, but about deep embedded issues like family problems, parental tips and survival tactics for your emotions. Sometimes I feel pressured. Then other times I feel real funky and want to say “Why are they asking me?…Shit I got my own problems”. I’m not God (newsflash) so I don’t have all the right answers. Sorry. The only thing I’m capable of doing is speaking for myself on how I would handle myself in the particular situation. There was a time where I would take the weight of the world on my shoulders and then I eventually broke down. Those same people that scrambled to me for help weren’t even there. They were full of excuses to why they can’t help me. I could have gave you the cold shoulder as well when you ran to me all those times but I didn’t. I was there for you. Even if I wanted to turn my back on you…I couldn’t. But it seems as if I’m still waiting on the returned favor. Am I being tacky or am I being fair? I do for you therefore you do for me correct? Obviously that’s not the reason why I’m doing it but damn…can a bitch have some redemption? Why I’m always the one left hanging? Alone…

Those people aren’t in my life anymore but it still hurts just thinking about how they turned their backs on me. I don’t do things like that myself because I treat my loved ones as I want to be treated. I’m also very grateful for those experiences. Through those events, I have learned so many new things. So much about myself. From my loved ones, strangers, from experimenting and by just minding my business. Every new situation that I face in life, takes me further away from the negative aspects of my past. Some are painful reminders makes me believe I shouldn’t take chances. I shouldn’t take risks. But, like an embryo, we must go through changes in order to become whole, healthy and complete. We’re going to feel alone, confused or frightened during the process but it’s all good. The outcome of it all is well worth the struggle. In reality, we all are growing, developing, evolving. Go out there and be carefree especially when you’re trying to achieve your goals. Break the limits. Pass the borders. Color outside of the line. That’s how we’re suppose to live life. Some mornings you may wake up feeling good, ready to go out and take on the world and “be” a great day. But on other days, we wake up to total darkness that makes the whole world seem depressing. On those days remember the words I stated and just live your life. You only get one so why waste it on anything that leads towards the negative? Don’t do as you please because it’s your day off. Do as you please everyday.

Always remember that we are given just one life to live. So why should anyone treat it as if you get a second time around?

Edit:  We have a new addition to the family! I had to give up my old cat Diva due to health issues last month so I adopted a 2 month old kitten yesterday. We named him Prince because he’s fierce, just like Prince, lol (Nevermind, his name is Tigger now, lol. That’s what she wants to name him) Nevermind again, now she wants it to be Prince, ugh! My daughter is so happy. We’re so happy.


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