Are you able to make the right long-term decisions instead of just living for today? I simple adore being embraced, appreciated & loved for the woman I am. And nothing’s better than being acknowledged of these things by your family, friends & significant other. But what do you do when it’s all coming from the right places at the wrong time? I’ve grown to notice that the most beautiful things happens at the most inconvenient times in our lives. It gets to the point where you have to pick, choose and then eliminate one of those inconveniences. We can think, speak and bring the best possible outcome into existence by focusing on where we’re going, not on where we think we are. Think about it…how far can you go living for today instead of catering to your future happiness? Best things happens to those who wait huh? I waited (for years) and everything is falling into place. Exactly where I want them to.

But what if you’re tired of waiting? What if you end up having faith into the number one thing you don’t believe in? They say everything happens for a reason right? Well maybe this time, you should go against the grain and just see what exactly is the reason why you continuously challenge yourself. Stop focusing on “what’s not there” & be grateful for what is.

Note to self: There’s nothing special about today. It’s not a Monday, nor is it my birthday. It’s not New Years, nor is this a resolution. If you want to make a change, start now.

Do you believe in knowing who you are & that you will remain that way forever? Just when you thought you had yourself all figured out, there’s always that one individual that sees you in a totally different perspective that you never viewed before. As they are expressing their opinion of you, to you….you’re either going to agree or disagree right? Well what if most times you find yourself agreeing? Does that mean you really don’t know yourself. All that you were projecting as your persona, was that all a facade? Or does it truly mean we haven’t really found ourselves? Even though all the answers are buried within you, it’s amazing how someone from the outside can sum you up in a matter of minutes. Teaching you how to handle yourself & the ways you can better your ways of self-expression. It’s amazing what you get once you allow yourself to receive.

Once you get through all of our own simplicities, you’ll always find out the root is very complex. Why? Because as we age, we’re learning. All of our experiences & the emotions we felt through them are all wrapped up in a box inside of our souls. Every time we find ourselves in a similar situation, we unwrap that box and dig deep for a better solution than the last. So no, I do not believe you will remain the same forever. It’s emotionally impossible. What is possible, however, is what spectrum of the rainbow you fall under more. The darks or the brights (better known as the positives or the negatives). Some people find themselves “stuck” in their negative ways to the point where the blame is on the whole world but their selves. Showing the inability to take responsibility for the roles they played in other people’s life. How it affected someone else. Did they learn anything from them? Most likely not. Other people take the positive road. Taking full hold of the things they learned and try to figure out how they can make things better next time around. Highlighting the key moments where full satisfaction was accomplished & what they can do to achieve that everlasting smile again.

Our past and our scars (whether they’re fresh or healed) is a reflection of what we believe about ourselves. Within every experience we have in our life, we always learn & grow from it. At least we’re supposed to. Thus, it furthers define who we are. Regardless of what you’ve been told, you can and is able to change with every new experience. Your ex cannot successfully tell you who you are and what you’re about. Because all they’re going by is how you were with them. Each experience enhances your capabilities by giving you something new to draw upon. Every new capability you discover & develop leads to a new opportunity. As long as you have these abilities, there will be endless possibilities for you to grow and learn something new.

So yes, you will find out something new about yourself as you encounter new people in your life. It’s part of the universal flow & the different roads we go through while we’re in route to our own self. It’s up to you to decide on one direction, not to get lost & sticking to it for the next time you need to get there.

It takes a lot more character to tolerance someone’s flaws than to point them out. Those are the same people that will tediously tell others what they “need” to do or change. Somehow those are the ones that are drawn to me. Excuse me but, have you ever thought that maybe it’s you and your inability to handle the brutal honesty that come out of these lips? I’ve already found myself & contrary to popular belief, people love it. Do you really believe that I’m going to be bent out of shape because you’ve just proved to me that I’m too woman for you? No matter how much you’re unable to “deal with my shit”, that “shit” is what makes me me. I’m not making anymore excuses for myself and how I am. I’m not the type to sugarcoat shit just to cater to your sensitivity. I’m not the type to baby you when you’ve fucked up for the 56th time. I’m not the type to hold on to someone (or something) that doesn’t deserve to be kept. You’re either going to love me or leave me alone. So make sure you close the door on your way out…

I’ve become restless. I know what to do, but the option isn’t available to me. And I can’t place my finger on how to make it available. I do know that I need to rationalize my thoughts and stop taking things so seriously. It’s funny how I thought I mastered my emotions when it comes down to relationships and feelings. I wonder why negatives are always thrown my way right when I’m smooth sailing with positivity? I believe when it happens, it’s a test to see if I have truly grown. To see if I matured. Well yes, I have. Unfortunately, I’ve become more numb with my feelings than ever. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. It also seems I’ve learned to not allow my feelings to get the best of me. Which, makes me a bit less tolerable towards excuses/bullshit/contradictions. We are all humans I guess and we need to experience the good and the bad. We are bound to make mistakes while we trudge through them and then we learn from the ending results in every situation. I’ve been through a lot in my life and I feel whenever a negative encounter occurs, it’s just someone testing my current strength. Maybe to see if I am able to handle a greater blessing that’s somewhere along in my path. Well, I can easily tell you that my mentality is far beyond my physical years. I am completely satisfied with my life and who I am today.

Life is an on going battle between our hearts and minds. A lot of times we find our minds wanting and needing what our hearts don’t. Whether it’s a friendship, courtship, or relationship, it becomes difficult to make decisions. But before you can make decisions regarding yourself and others, you must first begin with yourself. If you aren’t living the way you should, it’s an inevitable drain if you bring someone else along. How can you find someone who completes your puzzle, if you have yet to identify all the pieces that you bring to the table? No one in this world has all the pieces to their own puzzle because it takes someone, the right someone, to complete them. You will know it’s the right someone, when both your heart and mind agree on it. I am so thankful for situations that bring about epiphanies and enlightened thinking.

Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.

When we get tired of hate, envy & jealousy, we will stop showing it attention. When we get tired of injustice, we’ll stop judging each other. Ladies, when we get tired of our men disrespecting us, trying to deplete our morale, pulling the wool over our eyes, we will stop compromising and set higher standards for ourselves. Men, when you get tired of being put down, discriminated against and used, you will stop placing blame on society & place that strength towards your dignity. No one can make you, but they can sure break you. But don’t give them that power of destruction. You are better than that. Most of us don’t know what we cannot do until someone tells us. We’re reminded of how dangerous it may be, how ridiculous it sounds, what a chance we’re talking. They give us warnings, cautions & “helpful hints” about alternative things we can do instead. When they’re finished, what just happened? We have been effectively talked right out of our dreams. We settled for less. This is why it’s imperative to have a strong overlook at your success in anything you try to achieve. No matter what people say, you will try your best. And let’s just say you do happen to fail, you were still given a chance to discover your strengths, your weaknesses, your passions and yourself in that journey. No one can take from you. No one.

If you were subscribed to my blog before, please resubscribe below. For some odd reason, when I did the WordPress upgrade, it deleted all of my subscribers. I apologize for the inconvenience.

Knowing is beautiful and doing is wise because actions speak louder than words. By our actions lies truth and nothing’s more beautiful than being true to yourself and others.

Knowing is beautiful and what’s even more beautiful is the woman who knows or at least realizes that she doesn’t have to try to be beautiful. She is beautiful all on her own, with no effort.

It’s impossible to love, while hating. Progress, while oppressing. Trying to promote unity within yourself yet tearing others down. How can you understand if you’re not listening? Withholding rational & logic but expect to be understood & respected? It’s simply impossible. You need to know that there’s only one path to follow = negative or positive. Either we accept what we believe in ourselves and keep it moving or allow others to convince us otherwise. If we love ourselves as the foundation as future growth for our own progress, we don’t need to worry about others hating us. Please know that if you’re that effective towards the world without even saying a word then know that you are phenomenal. Do not acknowledge the negativity. Enforce it into something positive and realize you are that important to even be thought about. In any way. Therefore you just learned one new thing about yourself. It’s much more rewarding to carry yourself with class, grace, & style when so much negativity is thrown your way. Turn your nose up and just ignore the ignorance. People who are unhappy with themselves put so much time into hating others, yet they wanna know everything about them. They judge you and crucify you for the things you have done in your life. Ironically, they have nerve to talk. Then they try to emulate you, befriend your friends, befriend your enemies, follow your life, try to figure out what you’re doing, who you’re doing, when you’re doing it, the whole nine yards. Almost like an obsession. When they are unable to accept the harsh cruel reality, which is their life, they commence to focus on the people they envy (you) and spread rumors about you. You know who you are. You know what you represent. You know what your life entails. You are untouchable.

And just by knowing…you become invincibly beautiful.

Sometimes it feels like I hate you. But at nights, in my dreams, I miss you so much. At first we had a powerful electric connection. In person you were more then I expected. The first time I laid my eyes on you I couldn’t help what I was feeling. I knew then that you were no longer a myth. I knew a lot of women wanted you, needed you & stalked you. Yet I still walked with my head held high just knowing that you were there. A day without you felt like a month without food. I was hungry, damn near starving for your presence. That’s how it felt being exposed to your power & strength. When it came down to you, I became very selective. More then anyone I ever dealt with. As picky as I am, I chose you. You took me to a place that I thought never even existed. I felt so child-like around you. You made me feel like a nurtured baby. Once struck, I looked at you differently. I thought of you differently. I touched you differently. You are so amazing, so beautiful. Sometimes I swear I must have lost my mind, but if I’m crazy…it’s because of you. I’ve finally found you again. And I’m terrified at the thought of losing you. You disappeared so quickly before because I doubted you. I thought you were against me. Due to your prolonged absence…I stopped believing in you. But now that you’re back in my life, I will never let you go. I promise. You are the immortal answer to my prayers. You’re irreplaceable. And I am glad I have you back in my life.

Ode To Love
Sincerely,
Chanel

One of the best kept secrets in life is your confidence. However, somebody, somewhere tricked you into believing you’re not good enough. They told you that there were certain things you could not do because of who you were. Who you’re trying to be. Who you are. Someone else told you that only certain people could do or be the very thing you wanted to be and you did not fit the bill (ie: successful lawyer, famous actor, a great girlfriend, a good father, etc.). You presented yourself & your goals to them & they turned you down and made you feel like you were not one of those people that can achieve those things. With a sleight-of-hand manipulation of facts, someone made you think you didn’t have what it takes, so they took it. Someone told you that you were slow, or lazy; too fat, too skinny; crazy or too quiet; or just flat out not good enough. How dare they? And you believed that? They done tricked you into believing what they wanted you to believe. They knew who you were and knew you had no idea…no idea that you could have placed a stop to everyone (or one individual) from convincing you that you’re just not good enough. You know better than that. Where’s your confidence? Your esteem? Your security? You gonna let them tell you what you’re capable of doing and achieving? I’m going to go ahead and guess that these same people are jealous of you. Filled with envy due to the fact that they were unable to fulfill their desires. So instead of encouraging someone else who has that chance or aspiration, they try their best to destroy the dream. Regardless of what anyone says, each of us brings to the world unique talents, gifts and abilities. Even if you don’t know what it is, or value what you do, someone, somewhere, will benefit from your presence. No one can do what you do exactly the way you do it. For every personal goal that I’ve tried to accomplish there was always at least one thing (or person) trying to get in my way. But I’m no fool. I looked beyond that and kept striving to succeed. Granted not everything I started I finished, but I gave it my best while I was active in it. The only way to get where you want to be is to do what needs to be done to get there. Now that you know what to expect, and do….prepare yourself.

Never give up on what you believe in. It really doesn’t matter how long it takes to reach your goal. As long as you have determination and motivation to get you there. Even love. The moment you give up on doing it, it will never get done. The moment you focus on the negative energy that’s trying to swing your way, you lose that power. With all your great accomplishments that’s going on in your life, why should you take notice to anything that’s trying to bring you down? Everything that we experience, everything we think, feel and do is in divine order. And if you just so happen to follow a path to do someone wrong, karma will catch up with you. You won’t be able to stop it from happening because that’s just how life is and sometimes we have to struggle through that. However, you can stop it from derailing your natural being. For me, my power of ignoring comes very handy at this point. Sometimes you tend to wonder why certain things happen. Why people can’t just think before they apply action. Do they know that unless you can benefit from it in the future, whatever they think, say or do to you will only make them look stupid? While all these games & charades are going on, there’s a strong being called reality that they have no clue about. And while they’re suffering from the lack of reality, everyone else around you are climbing to higher levels. These things happen because they are meant to strengthen our ability to handle anyone & anything at any given moment. It places you right back on track on who, when and what to trust. Everything that you go through happen the way they should, at the right time, to the right people, and ended the right way. The only job we have, is to know we are equipped to handle it. I know I’m equipped to handle just about anything because I am strong minded, experienced enough, independent, assertive and realistic. Are you?

There are so many ways people can hurt you, deceive you, lead you on, make you feel like shit, use you, violate you. The list goes on and on. What I’ve learned out of my many experiences in my life is to not expect much out of people anymore. When you expect too much, you end up being disappointed. It’s very disheartening when you learn that there are people out there who only think of themselves. Who only want to tarnish your name. Who only want to see you cry. Who only want to see you fail. I must say, when I got into a car accident last year & totaled my car (I’ll speak more on that in a future blog post), it was during a turning point in my life. That’s when I’ve decided to discontinue falling prey to a lot of the bullshit people have given me. I’ve endured a lot of disappointment from people in my life and I am so glad that I’m at a point where I have a solid, healthy control over that never happening again. Because I simply do not care anymore.

It’s imperative to have a strong overlook at your success in anything you try to achieve. No matter what people say, you will try your best. And let’s just say you do happen to fail, you were still given a chance to discover your strengths, your weaknesses, your passions and yourself in that journey. No one can take from you. NO ONE. There will be rough times, difficult situations, things to fall into & out of, major obstacles and forks in the road all through your mission. My mission is to allow people to feel how I am feeling by providing my story, followed up with my personal suggestive solution. The power I have to make people open their eyes and see what they couldn’t see before makes me happy on levels beyond my normal reach. I do it because I believe I can do it. I’m not ashamed to tell my stories about my past experiences, shortcomings & failed relationships. I’m not scared to voice my opinions about the strains of our society, parenting and love. Flaws and all, as long as I am honest about who I am and where I’m going. Are you?

Pictures of Me:

PS – I am so proud of one of the best friends someone could ever have. Her name is Shay Dechelle and her website is mindofablackgirl.com. She’s been there with me through thick and thin the past 7 years and I am blessed to have her in my life. So many people hated on her (matter of fact, they still do) and questioned her success as a model. Well, she just signed to Ford Models and is also won a trip to Paris from the Karl Kani Ladies competition. She will be their new model for their 2009 Fall line. I’m so excited for her! Go to her site and show your support. Love you yamp!

Buzz. Buzz. Buzz. Buzz. Buzz. Buzz….. She smacks her alarm clock. Brand new day…

Is this an overly emotional woman, a faded character of a storybook or is that somewhat a brief description of what most of us feel? Even if you’re a man and reading this, you’re still capable of feeling this way. Just reverse the roles. Point is, there was only one thing correct about her. The fact that she failed. What she failed to realize is that her body is 96% water. Like the ocean, she’s a mystery that curves with each breeze. Depending on it’s environment, it’ll either be cold, warm or hot. And just like an ocean, only a few will have the map to the treasure buried at the bottom. The deeper you’re willing to go within yourself, the more valuable your treasure will be. Never allow anyone or anything to limit your mind, creativity & charisma because of your race, color, gender or expression of beauty. There is only one power & one presence operating our lives and that’s the mind. It draws business prospects, friends and significant others. Nothing else is suppose to lure that sort of attraction. Our minds gives us all that we deserve based on our way of thinking, way of presenting ourself and way of exceeding the limits. No sweat. No fear. Don’t hold your breath because he left. Who you choose to be with reflects what you really feel about yourself. Loving, wanting or being with someone has nothing to do with their exterior decoration. Nor does it have to do with being “perfect”. No one’s perfect. And neither is a relationship. In order to find that perfect somebody, we must believe that whatever perfect is, we’ve already achieved it. No one can give us what we don’t already have. If your boss can’t recognize that you’re worth more then $15 an hour, demand a raise. Don’t settle for less. If your peers believe you’re a fake or a phony because you choose not to explain yourself to them about the things their envious about, keep it moving. Don’t answer to anyone but God. If he decides to get angry and leave because you weren’t ready to spread your legs for him, oh fucking well. Don’t give anyone a piece of your soul unless they earned it. Each of us brings to the world unique talents, gifts and abilities. Even if you don’t know what it is, or value what you do, someone, somewhere, will benefit from your presence. There’s no one like you. We are each as unique and valuable as the other. You have something valuable to invest towards your career, your peers and your significant other. Recognize that, go to sleep and wake up beginning a brand new life saying this next statement : I give nothing or anyone any power over me but the love I have for myself.

originally written : January 6, 2008

Which is exactly what you are allowing these men do. Make decisions for you by not putting your foot down. If you are looking for a blue shirt, would you allow the sales associate to sell you a pink one? You speak your mind and you tell her exactly what you want. And if they don’t have it, you move on to the next store. That’s what we as women need to do with the men that does not meet our needs.  If you have to sit there and ask your sister, your co-worker, one of your guy friends on yahoo messenger, the cashier at McDonalds all these elaborate questions and tell them these scenarios just to see if he’s digging you, most likely he’s not. When a man’s into you,

you have to ask no questions about it. You’ll know it. You’ll feel it. You’ll see it. To be honest with you, there are no exquisite hidden ways to know if he’s into you. It all depends on his personality. If he’s a homebody but always wants to take you out to show you a good time, maybe he’s into you. If he’s not into being on the phone for more than 5 minutes, yet, you guys talk almost every night for over an hour, maybe he’s into you. The only way you will know for sure is just by asking him. If his answer isn’t so up to par to your standards, then you already know what to do next.

There are so many great mysteries about men that I have yet to solve & I’m quite sure there are men that are thinking the same thing about us women. I hate to sound cliche but, most men need to stop thinking with their dicks and more with their minds. Yeah, yeah, yeah…I know it’s been said over & over again but that statement is staying true in it’s form as of today. We get treated as objects most of the time; sitting there using games to get what they want. Or, they will throw all game out the window and straight up tell you that’s all they want. No thanks. I think I will take a rain check at a shot of AIDS. Then once they get what they want, just like that….they disappear like the wind. And you’ll never see it coming. It’s that damn manipulating. I have yet to understand what men really get out of that. I guess they feel like they’ve conquered something & their ego’s get a shitty boost? Would you want someone to do that to your mother or daughter? Do you feel more of a man after you blatantly disrespect a woman that you supposedly care about? If that’s how you show your “care” then I’m not sticking around to see what love’s like…

And that’s the kind of courage we all need to have within ourselves. Knowing when to say “I’ve had enough” or “What’s the status between you and I” and accept a straight up answer. Without that, you have nothing. You’ll always be wondering. You’ll always be asking Pam from up the street her opinion, instead of going straight to the source. If the asshole still cannot give you an answer, then leave him alone. Why play guessing games with your feelings? Don’t wait 5 years for an engagement ring. Don’t wait 10 years and 3 children later to get married. Don’t you realize you’re placing your life on hold for someone else to confirm that you are their everything?

So, after reading this book and discussing it with a female one night, then a male another night, then another male, then another male, then another male, then another male, I’ve come to see that it’s just for entertainment purposes. The percentage of the truth that this book does tell, are complete common sense. Ladies, please do not use this book as a BIBLE towards dating. All of the men I spoke to about this book, who all happened to be different in many ways, do not agree with anything the book says. There are times where a man is really too busy to go on a second date. There are times where a man has feelings for you, but is scared to express them. There are times where a man is scared to fall in love again. By all means, work it out. But not for no damn 6+ months for crying out loud!

Oh, one more thing. If a man tells you “I don’t like to approach women” or he kisses your hand before even knowing your name, that means he’s a stuck-up womanizing trick. Don’t fall into the trap!!!!