Society | chanel.

i met him offline.

My first online experience began back in 2001. I was 22 years old. It took me 6 months before I posted one picture of myself. I remember back then, it was considered dangerous to meet anyone from the internet. And if you did, it was stamped “taboo” to say that you met your new boyfriend online. You end up telling people you met him at the gas station, in the bathroom stall or through a “mutual” friend and you guys been getting to know each other for 4 months but you felt like not telling anyone about THIS one. My excuse was always the oh-so clever “We were in the Army together!” or “I dated him back in New York” and it worked all the time. Now here we are, 2009, and people are meeting each other more on the internet, than at the local supermarket. It’s becoming socially acceptable to admit that you met your partner on Myspace. Isn’t that something? People used to make fun of you if you said you actually dated someone from the internet. So what made everyone change their minds all of a sudden? Is it because more people are doing it? I find it so amazing how things become more acceptable just because of popularity. I, for one, enjoy dating men from online. It’s a completely different experience from when you date one that you’ve met at a social event. I have fun comparing the differences. I’ve noticed, that you’re able to grow a stronger emotional bond with someone from online because you’re more focused on conversations and getting to really know who they are. Without being distracted by their physical representation. But there’s a catch. They can lie easily about who they are and where they come from. When you meet someone offline, the first thing you’re focused on is the physical chemistry. Which may derail or impair your judgment and allow you to rush into things sooner than you expected. I can say though, if you’re lazy & cheap, online dating is the way to go, lol. Nowadays, I rarely hear someone say they met their mate OFFLINE. It was always because of an online venue. Some people are even still using BlackPlanet! Can you believe that? That old dried up site that’s filled with bumpy dick perverts. ilk. “I met her offline” is a phrase you rarely hear. Needless to say, the online experience for people is faithfully growing larger each and everyday. Ask that big lipped bitch Soulja Boy.

2009. Can’t really say I have any New Year resolutions because the major changes I wanted to change in my life occurred during 2008. No matter how much you’ve aged and grown, we know there’s always room for improvement. But never wait until Monday, the 1st of the month, or the New Year to make those changes. All you have to do is sit down and have a heart to heart with yourself as soon as you realize the imbalance in your life. Start by meditating, get into deep thought and really examine your life; meaning your current living situation, past relationships, revolving emotions & the people that are involved in your immediate circle. Does everything balances out the way you want it to be? If not then maybe you do need to make a few decisions and try to work things out. Use your resolutions as a guideline and not too much as a list filled of pressures. Always remember though, most likely you’re fine just the way you are. All you’re doing is perfecting your flaws & tuning up the kinks because that’s what makes you unique. It’s never too late to bask in your own imperfections you feel me? May sound like I’m contradicting myself but that’s just my way of balancing out the negative with some positive aspects.

Nevertheless…the new year has begun. Time for something refreshing. Immaculate. Vibrant. Different. Growth. When it’s time for us to grow, we get restless. When it’s time for us to move forward, we get tense. When the time comes for us to let go of the things we know are holding us back, we fall apart. Unfortunately, sometimes we misunderstand what we are feeling and use it as a reason to stay where we are. Funny how no matter what we do or change in our daily life, somehow we still find ourselves in painful situations. Nothing forces us to move faster than pain. We will deal with certain negativity with humbleness but as soon as that line is crossed…what happens? We become hurt, then we bail. But why wait until we are bruised to finally let go? We seen it coming. Yet we wait until it’s too late. So when do we turn our backs so we won’t become hurt again? When everything starts to fall apart. That’s the ultimate sign that pain is on the way. Funny how we wait until then to finally make a difference & to make ourselves feel better though huh. Then we commence to trying our typical remedies to overcome what just happened. However, if the old remedy doesn’t work, try something new. Too many times we’ve cut ourselves down to fit or suit into the situation. There’s no reason to compromise yourself. Fixing ourselves to stay where we are is the very source of our enduring pain. If we allow ourselves to live with a constant dull headache, it means we are not getting the message. But you can be sure that same exact dull headache will eventually turn into a throbbing migraine. Catch it before it gets to that point.

Life isn’t about standing in one spot, moving at one pace. We’re all growing & learning every moment of every day. Regardless of what you have been told, you can & do change with every new experience. Each experience enhances your capabilities by giving you something new to draw upon. With that said, why on earth would we want to live a life where everything remains the same each day? Every new capability you discover during your experiences, develop and leads to a new opportunity. Why even dare to limit yourself to only knowing or doing one thing? Take a chance by putting all you know to use. Don’t be cliche by making a New Year’s resolution. Don’t promise yourself you will lose weight. Don’t swear that you will stop smoking. Don’t force yourself to change for the “better”. Simply just move toward your wildest dreams, with grace & ease, and take the labels off your mind. Step boldly into your greatness with that same potential you have used to get you where you are today. Here.

One of my purposes in life is to make people realize they are more than what they believe they are or deserve. To show them that it is possible to move people with your words, creativity and inspiration. All I want is people to get in touch with how they feel and how they affect others. Treat people how you want to be treated. Logic is the purest form of thought, thought is one of our greatest gifts, and it was intended to be used. I used it to touch each and every one of you. You all are affected now, in some way, by my confessions. Confessions of life, love & self-growth. And I’m in the process of doing it professionally with my degree in Psychology. It’s going to take a few years but I prefer to do it than to live through my life and not doing it at all. My dream was to always reach out to those who have no one else to turn to. To help women through their self-esteem issues. To guide men into understanding how to open up and love. To aide couples in bettering their relationships. Therefore, do not ask me to begin my journey towards my wildest dreams. I already have.

Happy New Year!

LMAO, yeah right!

he’s into me dammit.

December 28, 2008
9 Comments
love & relationships
dating, denial, happiness, Mr. Right, Prozac, society, strength

I’m sure you all heard of the bullshit book-turned-into-movie “He’s Just Not That Into You” and I’m surprised how successful this phenomenon has become. Only because, a lot of the telltale signs that’s he’s not into you, is right in front of your face. We don’t need a book to confirm this. But there’s something deep down inside that’s called denial that will not allow you to just see that. Or even acknowledge it and move on. So what we do ladies? We hang on, and wait it out. Thinking that maybe after about 3 months or so, he’ll start acting right. Maybe if I wait before I give him “some”, he’ll start treating me to nicer things more. But it’s been 6 months and he still dates other women (but he tells you he only has sex with you). Still haven’t took you out on a date. Still haven’t met his friends. Didn’t give you a birthday present because he’s not into “birthdays” and/or you’re not his girlfriend. How much more of this will you take before you realize that he’s just using you as a pastime until he finds his REAL love? I mean shit, that’s what I used to do. Date miscellaneous men until I found Mr. Right. But I didn’t lead anyone one, or make them feel less than their worth. I didn’t make it seem like I wasn’t dating anyone else nor did I make any commitment promises. This allows the other man to make the decision. I don’t make the decision for him.

Which is exactly what you are allowing these men do. Make decisions for you by not putting your foot down. If you are looking for a blue shirt, would you allow the sales associate to sell you a pink one? You speak your mind and you tell her exactly what you want. And if they don’t have it, you move on to the next store. That’s what we as women need to do with the men that does not meet our needs. If you have to sit there and ask your sister, your co-worker, one of your guy friends on yahoo messenger, the cashier at McDonalds all these elaborate questions and tell them these scenarios just to see if he’s digging you, most likely he’s not. When a man’s into you,

you have to ask no questions about it. You’ll know it. You’ll feel it. You’ll see it. To be honest with you, there are no exquisite hidden ways to know if he’s into you. It all depends on his personality. If he’s a homebody but always wants to take you out to show you a good time, maybe he’s into you. If he’s not into being on the phone for more than 5 minutes, yet, you guys talk almost every night for over an hour, maybe he’s into you. The only way you will know for sure is just by asking him. If his answer isn’t so up to par to your standards, then you already know what to do next.

There are so many great mysteries about men that I have yet to solve & I’m quite sure there are men that are thinking the same thing about us women. I hate to sound cliche but, most men need to stop thinking with their dicks and more with their minds. Yeah, yeah, yeah…I know it’s been said over & over again but that statement is staying true in it’s form as of today. We get treated as objects most of the time; sitting there using games to get what they want. Or, they will throw all game out the window and straight up tell you that’s all they want. No thanks. I think I will take a rain check at a shot of AIDS. Then once they get what they want, just like that….they disappear like the wind. And you’ll never see it coming. It’s that damn manipulating. I have yet to understand what men really get out of that. I guess they feel like they’ve conquered something & their ego’s get a shitty boost? Would you want someone to do that to your mother or daughter? Do you feel more of a man after you blatantly disrespect a woman that you supposedly care about? If that’s how you show your “care” then I’m not sticking around to see what love’s like…

And that’s the kind of courage we all need to have within ourselves. Knowing when to say “I’ve had enough” or “What’s the status between you and I” and accept a straight up answer. Without that, you have nothing. You’ll always be wondering. You’ll always be asking Pam from up the street her opinion, instead of going straight to the source. If the asshole still cannot give you an answer, then leave him alone. Why play guessing games with your feelings? Don’t wait 5 years for an engagement ring. Don’t wait 10 years and 3 children later to get married. Don’t you realize you’re placing your life on hold for someone else to confirm that you are their everything?

So, after reading this book and discussing it with a female one night, then a male another night, then another male, then another male, then another male, then another male, I’ve come to see that it’s just for entertainment purposes. The percentage of the truth that this book does tell, are complete common sense. Ladies, please do not use this book as a BIBLE towards dating. All of the men I spoke to about this book, who all happened to be different in many ways, do not agree with anything the book says. There are times where a man is really too busy to go on a second date. There are times where a man has feelings for you, but is scared to express them. There are times where a man is scared to fall in love again. By all means, work it out. But not for no damn 6+ months for crying out loud!

Oh, one more thing. If a man tells you “I don’t like to approach women” or he kisses your hand before even knowing your name, that means he’s a stuck-up womanizing trick. Don’t fall into the trap!!!!

hot sex on a platter.

October 20, 2008
12 Comments
love & relationships, reality
cultures, dating, love, men, reality, relationships, sex, society

When you enter a relationship, you don’t often think or see beyond the physical being. We’re attracted to the body, face or personality. We probably like what the person do, say, handle or feel about a situation. In most shallow moments, some may be attracted to their lifestyle, popularity, material things and/or income. We enjoy their conversation, we’re engulfed by their kiss and we’re even amused by their humor. We may even experience a pull from within that we can’t actually explain so we find ourselves sharing our bodies with them as if “the time was right“. You’re supposed to protect, nurture & handle your person with care. You can’t treat sex as if it’s a casual thing to do with someone that you want to build with. I’m sickened with the fact that sex is taken so lightly now. With STDs/HIV growing, people dying, unwanted pregnancies and all of these life threatening diseases caused by sexual intercourse going around, one should think twice before they hand over their body to someone due to lack of sexual control. Ever thought about wanting more for yourself other than 15 minutes of casual dick rammed up your ass? Demand more self-respect and you will get it in return. I’m sure with the way you present yourself, men should not believe that you are to be used for sex or anything sexually related. So why is it that most of the men we encounter is trying to have sex before anything else? Then they have this fucked up perception that if they spend a certain amount of money, sex should be granted to them. I will never know the answer to that other than maybe it’s a part of being immature. The attitude does not change by race, age nor lifestyle either. Older men are just as starved out for sex as younger men. The difference is, older men use that tired ass “We’re both grown” excuse. Please. People claim it’s harder (no pun intended) for men to restrain from trying to have sex with a beautiful woman laying next to them. Whatever @ that stereotype. Pure bullshit. We need to stop making excuses for men who lack respect for women. If a man tells me he doesn’t want me to put my finger in his ass until we’re in a commitment, I’m not gonna try to sneak my finger in between his ass crack every damn time we’re together. So if I say I am not ready to have sex with you, then build a bridge and get over it. Patience is virtue. If you’re unable to respect that, then I don’t need you in my life anyway. It’s as simple as that.

How often do we stop to consider the true depth of the person we’re attracted to? Plenty of men have been attracted to me in these ways and even considered starting a commitment with me but they never gotten the chance to learn & embrace the real me. They were just going by my blueprint. Not taking enough time to figure me out and dissect the path on how I got where I am today. We all have a past, present & future and not enough people show interest in that. Which is why so many of us are “stuck” in these empty relationships. Or possibly because they’re so desperate in finding love that they will accept whatever comes their way. You can stop looking, forcing and trying to make it happen. Especially in the wrong person. Love is not a struggle. It happens naturally. When you look in their eyes, you will know that they are the one. Even before the “love” presents itself. You make sacrifices, you compromise & you place yourself at levels that you couldn’t imagine doing with anyone else. A lot of people don’t value these things anymore. They see it as a “hassle” and actually frown upon settling down, growing a relationship and actually just being exclusive to one person. I refuse to give someone all of my time if I am not getting the same in return. You know what I say to men who believe that they can have sex after the first date? I say “Sure thing, but take me shopping first.” Because we all know men have the same hang ups about spending money on a woman, as we do about giving it up that easily. We like to wait to see if that man is worth giving our bodies to, just like he wants to wait to see if she’s worth him taking her shopping and etc.

I can’t only blame the men now. Because how are they getting away with these acts? Women are allowing them to. These women are trying to state what their standards are and when the man tells them they are only interested in one thing, they accept that. Or even worse, there are women out there who would broadcast that all they want is sex, and it doesn’t if the man is married/committed. It’s just a bad cycle revolving in more ways than one, which will be very hard to stop because it’s becoming more acceptable in today’s society. Insecurity and low self-esteem, of course, is to blame as well. I’m also not knocking people who have decided to maintain a sexual relationship with someone. Sometimes you are able to mutually agree that this is all you want, with no strings attached. It’s just so disheartening though that the older we get, more and more people are seeking that more than an actual monogamy.

i met him offline.

he’s into me dammit.

hot sex on a platter.

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