Source: Ruminations

If you spend more time figuring out your own life, instead of mine, you’ll be a much better person. Take the separation for what it is, and just step.¹

You can be jealous of someone for as long as you like. You can talk shit about them for as much as you like. You can try to break them down for as much as you like. At the end of the day, they will always have something that you don’t and they will continuing to strive to be better than you. So all of your weak attempts will go null and void, however, karma’s watching. Be careful of what you do to other people.

¹This blog is a throwback. Originally posted on June 1st 2009.

Someone said that “faggot” is equivalent to “nigger”, but it’s not. It’s not nor will it ever be the same thing or as offensive. The only law against gays is marriage. Back in the day, you had a SLEW of laws & legal deaths against “niggers”. I don’t see gays being hosed down by the police. I don’t see signs everywhere stating “NO GAYS ALLOWED”. Gays were never stripped their right to vote. Gays weren’t segregated from the rest of the society. Gays weren’t lynched. No one sailed to another country, kidnapped a few gays, and turned them into slaves. Gays never suffered oppression.

I understand the term “faggot” is offensive, but how offensive is it if you’re being playful? Okay, so you don’t want anyone to use the term “faggot”. It’s hurtful and offensive, correct? If that’s the case, is it fair to say that you’re “women bashing” if you call someone a “bitch”? Are you bashing fat people if you call someone a “fat ass”? Furthermore, the same gay men that get offended when they see someone use the term “faggot”, are calling women “bitch” and “cunt” all day long. Talk about double standards.

If you’re going to play victim to a word when it’s used in a joking matter, make it across the board for ALL derogatory terms and censor yourself as well.

“If you can take a dick, you can take a joke.”

Look what Mariah Carey is going through currently with Eminem. All because she did not want to acknowledge their “fling”. He talks shit about her in most of his songs. Years later, she finally decides to respond with her song & video “Obsessed”. What he does next? He responds with a song threatening to release voicemails, nudes pictures & incriminating evidence that they were together. So the fuck what Eminem? Move on. He is the epitome of what I’m talking about. A bitter man who does not know how to get over it and move on. Funny thing is, Rick Ross has called him out many times but he never responded. However, he chooses to pick a fight with female? That’s real manly you dude. We will never question your sexuality Eminem. Oh, and let’s not forget how so many people were actually cheering Chris Brown for what he did to Rihanna. Do you know how many people were attacking Rihanna? Granted Chris Brown received much deserved flack for what he’s done, but Rihanna received just as much herself. “Good for her, I didn’t like her anyways.” What?! Why is that? Why no one wants to back up a woman anymore?

These things are very uncalled for. Not only are you embarrassing yourself as a man, you look like bitter scorned bitch. No one wants to hear your stories about why things didn’t work out between you and ______. So what if she wasn’t what you expected her to be? Who cares if she broke your heart? Does that warrants you to drag her name through the dirt? Do you really believe, in that pitiful insecure mind of yours, that saying all those things make you the better person? What ever happened to cherishing, loving, nurturing & respecting your woman? I understand that rejection can be painful. I understand that there are days where you’re not in a good mood. But that doesn’t make it right. If we, as women, count on a man to protect us, yet that same man disrespects us, who are we to turn to after that? It’s bad enough that we, women, tear each other down on a daily basis. Being in the vicinity of a man takes away the grief that we go through.

I don’t want to bring the media up in my argument…but I have to. I’m seeing women getting exploited more & more on television and I don’t think there will ever be a turn around point. I would not be surprised if one day I turn to a sitcom and they’re showing nipples & bare ass on there. But on the flip side, you barely see men half naked or being depicted as sexual objects. The larger viewing audience are women. Yet, you have half-naked moaning women plastered all over television. Who are they appeasing? Certianly not me…

(Speaking of the media…) Have you ever noticed the way the media advertise depression amongst women? As if we are the only ones that are able to get depressed? Why are they stereotyping women with depression? If women suffer depression because of the “social denigration” they endure, why is it that men also suffer major depression, and commit suicide in numbers far greater than women? Sad that rather than focusing on real underlying causes of depression/anxiety (loss of community, affluenza, promotion of superficial looks) we get ads for a quick fix pill instead. No profit in truly emotionally healthy people I guess huh? As far as I’m concerned, women are targeted to take anti-depressants & the social denigration they face is rarely discussed as a reason for her sadness. I strongly believe the problem is the way society and the media portrays us. As if we’re a bunch of overly emotional creatures. We have the same emotions as men. The only difference is, we express it outwardly much more & with more confidence than men. As I look through Sports Illustrated or a Maxim magazine I have yet to see a prescription drug ad in there dealing with depression. Or weight problems. Or anxiety attacks. Instead of describing depressive illnesses in terms of specific symptoms & medical terms, as they did when the era of Prozac began in the late 1980s, the printed news media are now far more likely to depict women’s mental issues in relation to gender-stereotyped roles, like marriage, motherhood, & menopause. And just like I stated before, descriptions of depression in men have not shifted in the same way. The media, the pharmaceutical industry, the strategically placed ads and commercials. Its all aimed to play on the “weakness” of women. We got to the doctor far more and often end up only handed a pill to fix it rather than given an opportunity to be heard to communicate that there really is an illness at work here.

I don’t know if there’s something in the water, or what. All I do know is, something’s gotta give.

Edit: You can find me at http://diaryofchanel.com if you want some short-text daily rants, ramblings & farts.

Knowing is beautiful and doing is wise because actions speak louder than words. By our actions lies truth and nothing’s more beautiful than being true to yourself and others.

Knowing is beautiful and what’s even more beautiful is the woman who knows or at least realizes that she doesn’t have to try to be beautiful. She is beautiful all on her own, with no effort.

It’s impossible to love, while hating. Progress, while oppressing. Trying to promote unity within yourself yet tearing others down. How can you understand if you’re not listening? Withholding rational & logic but expect to be understood & respected? It’s simply impossible. You need to know that there’s only one path to follow = negative or positive. Either we accept what we believe in ourselves and keep it moving or allow others to convince us otherwise. If we love ourselves as the foundation as future growth for our own progress, we don’t need to worry about others hating us. Please know that if you’re that effective towards the world without even saying a word then know that you are phenomenal. Do not acknowledge the negativity. Enforce it into something positive and realize you are that important to even be thought about. In any way. Therefore you just learned one new thing about yourself. It’s much more rewarding to carry yourself with class, grace, & style when so much negativity is thrown your way. Turn your nose up and just ignore the ignorance. People who are unhappy with themselves put so much time into hating others, yet they wanna know everything about them. They judge you and crucify you for the things you have done in your life. Ironically, they have nerve to talk. Then they try to emulate you, befriend your friends, befriend your enemies, follow your life, try to figure out what you’re doing, who you’re doing, when you’re doing it, the whole nine yards. Almost like an obsession. When they are unable to accept the harsh cruel reality, which is their life, they commence to focus on the people they envy (you) and spread rumors about you. You know who you are. You know what you represent. You know what your life entails. You are untouchable.

And just by knowing…you become invincibly beautiful.

2009. Can’t really say I have any New Year resolutions because the major changes I wanted to change in my life occurred during 2008. No matter how much you’ve aged and grown, we know there’s always room for improvement. But never wait until Monday, the 1st of the month, or the New Year to make those changes. All you have to do is sit down and have a heart to heart with yourself as soon as you realize the imbalance in your life. Start by meditating, get into deep thought and really examine your life; meaning your current living situation, past relationships, revolving emotions & the people that are involved in your immediate circle. Does everything balances out the way you want it to be? If not then maybe you do need to make a few decisions and try to work things out. Use your resolutions as a guideline and not too much as a list filled of pressures. Always remember though, most likely you’re fine just the way you are. All you’re doing is perfecting your flaws & tuning up the kinks because that’s what makes you unique. It’s never too late to bask in your own imperfections you feel me? May sound like I’m contradicting myself but that’s just my way of balancing out the negative with some positive aspects.

Nevertheless…the new year has begun. Time for something refreshing. Immaculate. Vibrant. Different. Growth. When it’s time for us to grow, we get restless. When it’s time for us to move forward, we get tense. When the time comes for us to let go of the things we know are holding us back, we fall apart. Unfortunately, sometimes we misunderstand what we are feeling and use it as a reason to stay where we are. Funny how no matter what we do or change in our daily life, somehow we still find ourselves in painful situations. Nothing forces us to move faster than pain. We will deal with certain negativity with humbleness but as soon as that line is crossed…what happens? We become hurt, then we bail. But why wait until we are bruised to finally let go? We seen it coming. Yet we wait until it’s too late. So when do we turn our backs so we won’t become hurt again? When everything starts to fall apart. That’s the ultimate sign that pain is on the way. Funny how we wait until then to finally make a difference & to make ourselves feel better though huh. Then we commence to trying our typical remedies to overcome what just happened. However, if the old remedy doesn’t work, try something new. Too many times we’ve cut ourselves down to fit or suit into the situation. There’s no reason to compromise yourself. Fixing ourselves to stay where we are is the very source of our enduring pain. If we allow ourselves to live with a constant dull headache, it means we are not getting the message. But you can be sure that same exact dull headache will eventually turn into a throbbing migraine. Catch it before it gets to that point.

Life isn’t about standing in one spot, moving at one pace. We’re all growing & learning every moment of every day. Regardless of what you have been told, you can & do change with every new experience. Each experience enhances your capabilities by giving you something new to draw upon. With that said, why on earth would we want to live a life where everything remains the same each day? Every new capability you discover during your experiences, develop and leads to a new opportunity. Why even dare to limit yourself to only knowing or doing one thing? Take a chance by putting all you know to use. Don’t be cliche by making a New Year’s resolution. Don’t promise yourself you will lose weight. Don’t swear that you will stop smoking. Don’t force yourself to change for the “better”. Simply just move toward your wildest dreams, with grace & ease, and take the labels off your mind. Step boldly into your greatness with that same potential you have used to get you where you are today. Here.

One of my purposes in life is to make people realize they are more than what they believe they are or deserve. To show them that it is possible to move people with your words, creativity and inspiration. All I want is people to get in touch with how they feel and how they affect others. Treat people how you want to be treated. Logic is the purest form of thought, thought is one of our greatest gifts, and it was intended to be used. I used it to touch each and every one of you. You all are affected now, in some way, by my confessions. Confessions of life, love & self-growth. And I’m in the process of doing it professionally with my degree in Psychology. It’s going to take a few years but I prefer to do it than to live through my life and not doing it at all. My dream was to always reach out to those who have no one else to turn to. To help women through their self-esteem issues. To guide men into understanding how to open up and love. To aide couples in bettering their relationships. Therefore, do not ask me to begin my journey towards my wildest dreams. I already have.

Happy New Year!

LMAO, yeah right!

Which is exactly what you are allowing these men do. Make decisions for you by not putting your foot down. If you are looking for a blue shirt, would you allow the sales associate to sell you a pink one? You speak your mind and you tell her exactly what you want. And if they don’t have it, you move on to the next store. That’s what we as women need to do with the men that does not meet our needs.  If you have to sit there and ask your sister, your co-worker, one of your guy friends on yahoo messenger, the cashier at McDonalds all these elaborate questions and tell them these scenarios just to see if he’s digging you, most likely he’s not. When a man’s into you,

you have to ask no questions about it. You’ll know it. You’ll feel it. You’ll see it. To be honest with you, there are no exquisite hidden ways to know if he’s into you. It all depends on his personality. If he’s a homebody but always wants to take you out to show you a good time, maybe he’s into you. If he’s not into being on the phone for more than 5 minutes, yet, you guys talk almost every night for over an hour, maybe he’s into you. The only way you will know for sure is just by asking him. If his answer isn’t so up to par to your standards, then you already know what to do next.

There are so many great mysteries about men that I have yet to solve & I’m quite sure there are men that are thinking the same thing about us women. I hate to sound cliche but, most men need to stop thinking with their dicks and more with their minds. Yeah, yeah, yeah…I know it’s been said over & over again but that statement is staying true in it’s form as of today. We get treated as objects most of the time; sitting there using games to get what they want. Or, they will throw all game out the window and straight up tell you that’s all they want. No thanks. I think I will take a rain check at a shot of AIDS. Then once they get what they want, just like that….they disappear like the wind. And you’ll never see it coming. It’s that damn manipulating. I have yet to understand what men really get out of that. I guess they feel like they’ve conquered something & their ego’s get a shitty boost? Would you want someone to do that to your mother or daughter? Do you feel more of a man after you blatantly disrespect a woman that you supposedly care about? If that’s how you show your “care” then I’m not sticking around to see what love’s like…

And that’s the kind of courage we all need to have within ourselves. Knowing when to say “I’ve had enough” or “What’s the status between you and I” and accept a straight up answer. Without that, you have nothing. You’ll always be wondering. You’ll always be asking Pam from up the street her opinion, instead of going straight to the source. If the asshole still cannot give you an answer, then leave him alone. Why play guessing games with your feelings? Don’t wait 5 years for an engagement ring. Don’t wait 10 years and 3 children later to get married. Don’t you realize you’re placing your life on hold for someone else to confirm that you are their everything?

So, after reading this book and discussing it with a female one night, then a male another night, then another male, then another male, then another male, then another male, I’ve come to see that it’s just for entertainment purposes. The percentage of the truth that this book does tell, are complete common sense. Ladies, please do not use this book as a BIBLE towards dating. All of the men I spoke to about this book, who all happened to be different in many ways, do not agree with anything the book says. There are times where a man is really too busy to go on a second date. There are times where a man has feelings for you, but is scared to express them. There are times where a man is scared to fall in love again. By all means, work it out. But not for no damn 6+ months for crying out loud!

Oh, one more thing. If a man tells you “I don’t like to approach women” or he kisses your hand before even knowing your name, that means he’s a stuck-up womanizing trick. Don’t fall into the trap!!!!

How often do we stop to consider the true depth of the person we’re attracted to? Plenty of men have been attracted to me in these ways and even considered starting a commitment with me but they never gotten the chance to learn & embrace the real me. They were just going by my blueprint. Not taking enough time to figure me out and dissect the path on how I got where I am today. We all have a past, present & future and not enough people show interest in that. Which is why so many of us are “stuck” in these empty relationships. Or possibly because they’re so desperate in finding love that they will accept whatever comes their way. You can stop looking, forcing and trying to make it happen. Especially in the wrong person. Love is not a struggle. It happens naturally. When you look in their eyes, you will know that they are the one. Even before the “love” presents itself. You make sacrifices, you compromise & you place yourself at levels that you couldn’t imagine doing with anyone else. A lot of people don’t value these things anymore. They see it as a “hassle” and actually frown upon settling down, growing a relationship and actually just being exclusive to one person. I refuse to give someone all of my time if I am not getting the same in return. You know what I say to men who believe that they can have sex after the first date? I say “Sure thing, but take me shopping first.” Because we all know men have the same hang ups about spending money on a woman, as we do about giving it up that easily. We like to wait to see if that man is worth giving our bodies to, just like he wants to wait to see if she’s worth him taking her shopping and etc.

I can’t only blame the men now. Because how are they getting away with these acts? Women are allowing them to. These women are trying to state what their standards are and when the man tells them they are only interested in one thing, they accept that. Or even worse, there are women out there who would broadcast that all they want is sex, and it doesn’t if the man is married/committed. It’s just a bad cycle revolving in more ways than one, which will be very hard to stop because it’s becoming more acceptable in today’s society. Insecurity and low self-esteem, of course, is to blame as well. I’m also not knocking people who have decided to maintain a sexual relationship with someone. Sometimes you are able to mutually agree that this is all you want, with no strings attached. It’s just so disheartening though that the older we get, more and more people are seeking that more than an actual monogamy.