No matter how many people wish I didn’t have so many talents that make me the person that I am today, they will never dim my light that shines from within.

If you’re insecure or have low self-esteem, keep rehearsing that in your mind. Like I’ve stated before, what you may find “wrong” within yourself, there’s someone out there that will embrace that and love you for you. Never allow anyone or anything to limit your mind because of your race, color, gender expression, style of fashion, work experience, non-existent college degrees or body type. Take no shorts, cut down on the compromising and never settle for less. Believe in who we are and what we do. Look up to and trust ourselves to make it through the difficulties just knowing that we can. Only we can truly appreciate and celebrate our own success. Don’t do it for him, don’t do it for her. Don’t try to prove them wrong. Don’t worry about their negative opinion (unless it’s asked for). We’re all are equipped and capable of getting to where we want to be as long as we create a positive pattern of self-worth.

Continue to believe you’re the best because you are the best. And no one, I mean no one…. can tell you otherwise.

Once you get through all of our own simplicities, you’ll always find out the root is very complex. Why? Because as we age, we’re learning. All of our experiences & the emotions we felt through them are all wrapped up in a box inside of our souls. Every time we find ourselves in a similar situation, we unwrap that box and dig deep for a better solution than the last. So no, I do not believe you will remain the same forever. It’s emotionally impossible. What is possible, however, is what spectrum of the rainbow you fall under more. The darks or the brights (better known as the positives or the negatives). Some people find themselves “stuck” in their negative ways to the point where the blame is on the whole world but their selves. Showing the inability to take responsibility for the roles they played in other people’s life. How it affected someone else. Did they learn anything from them? Most likely not. Other people take the positive road. Taking full hold of the things they learned and try to figure out how they can make things better next time around. Highlighting the key moments where full satisfaction was accomplished & what they can do to achieve that everlasting smile again.

Our past and our scars (whether they’re fresh or healed) is a reflection of what we believe about ourselves. Within every experience we have in our life, we always learn & grow from it. At least we’re supposed to. Thus, it furthers define who we are. Regardless of what you’ve been told, you can and is able to change with every new experience. Your ex cannot successfully tell you who you are and what you’re about. Because all they’re going by is how you were with them. Each experience enhances your capabilities by giving you something new to draw upon. Every new capability you discover & develop leads to a new opportunity. As long as you have these abilities, there will be endless possibilities for you to grow and learn something new.

So yes, you will find out something new about yourself as you encounter new people in your life. It’s part of the universal flow & the different roads we go through while we’re in route to our own self. It’s up to you to decide on one direction, not to get lost & sticking to it for the next time you need to get there.

originally written october 14th 2007.

I am so glad that you were immature enough to become a person that’s beneath me. Spread rumors about me and lie your way into making people believe I am something that I am not. You have no idea how much I appreciated that. At first I was shocked, then I became livid, and soon after I was pleased. I mean hey, if I was able to have you turn against me like that just because you were envious of me, I’m doing something right. But that wasn’t good enough for you. You turned into my personal paparazzi. And I’m not even a celebrity. Imagine that! Followed my every move, cringed your teeth whenever you heard about my accomplishments, befriended my friends & enemies to find our more information about me & etc. Geez. Were you getting paid at an hourly rate for this? lol. You had excellent determination to make my life a pure living hell. Day in and day out you have shown dedication and honor in making me your top priority. Thank you for showing me the way to ignore someone. Thank you for showing me the path to insanity, that way I can make a left instead of a right. If only you spent more time on your own life, like you’ve done with mine, maybe you’d be somewhere positive right now.

The less you gave a fuck about me, the more I gave a fuck about myself. All those times I cried because I wondered how come you didn’t love me the way I deserved to be loved, made me realize that “this” is not what love is about. You opened my eyes to how it felt like to be misunderstood. To be underestimated. To be taking advantaged of. I gave you the best part of me and you ran with that shit. Kudos to you. Because somehow, it found it’s way back and I am able to give it to someone else. I long paid the price for my imperfections. I used to hang my head in shame over the things I was lacking. Over the things you relentlessly pointed out to me. Over the ways you used to highlight on my insecurities. Yet, I refused to let that bring me down. Because you stayed with me. And when I got rid of your ass, you begged for me to come back. Why would you want something you claimed you disliked so much when it was yours? It’s amazing how you said those things wouldn’t make any man want me, however, I have a line outside of my door that waiting for my decision. Because of the way you used to treat me, it gave me more power to get over you. Thank you so much for that incentive.

“Every experience, every emotion…is an opportunity to grow. Once you acquire that talent to turn each and every moment in your life into something positive to learn from, that makes you a survivor. There are only 2 people at the end of a battle. The victim and the survivor.”

Every new situation that I’ve faced in life sent me further away from my past which was dark. Then you have some reminded me of just that, which lead me to believe I shouldn’t take chances. I shouldn’t take risks. But, like an embryo, we must go through changes in order to become whole, healthy and complete. We’re going to feel alone, confused or frightened during the process but it’s all good. The outcome of it all is well worth the struggle. Your negativity, lack of being a role model, the inability to care for your children, the hate you have for me, the advantage you took of my love, were placed in my life accordingly for all the right reasons. In reality, we all are growing, developing, evolving. And while we’re going through these productive changes, you will have a crowd just waiting for you to slip & capitalize on your mistakes. You have a crowd that’s stuck, paused if you will, in their miserable life. Go out there and be carefree especially when you’re trying to achieve your goals. Break the limits. Pass the borders. Color outside of the line. That’s how we’re suppose to live life. Some mornings you may wake up feeling good, ready to go out and take on the world and “be” a great day. But on other days, we wake up to total darkness that makes the whole world seem depressing. On those days remember the words I stated and just live your life. We only get one chance to live on the day we woke up to so live that day to the fullest. Don’t do anything that leds towards the negative. Don’t wait until Monday to start your diet. Don;t wait until after Christmas to break up with him. Don’t wait until the kids are out of school to file for a divorce. Don’t do as you please because it’s your day off. Do as you please everyday and live it as it’s your last.

I must say, I am dearly grateful for those that have entered and left my life. There’s nothing more invigorating than reflecting upon yourself, and where you were 5 years before, then realizing that half of those people are not even there anymore. All of the ones who doubted me. Yet I’m doing better. I’m not stressed out anymore. I don’t get disappointed anymore. My heart doesn’t ache anymore. I’ve become a better person, woman, mother, friend, companion, student, employee, and daughter.

Again, thank you so much for all that you’ve done for me. :blogee:

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“the best friend” written by chanel.

As you can see, there will always be consequences just when you think a person is gaining. The woman in that poem didn’t conquer. She failed miserably. She failed her morals, self-respect and her life by having sex with her ex-boyfriend’s best friend and bringing in a baby for all the wrong reasons. She was successful in so many ways but not with her relationships. No matter how you dress it up, it’s always wrong to get involved with someone one of your close friends, or family member, used to date. If any of my friends introduce me to a man that they say they have a “crush” on, I would never make any moves on him. Or allow him to do the same to me. It’s trifling and dirty. I am immediately turned off by him because I know how my friend feels about him. I will acknowledge the fact that he’s good looking, as approval, but that’s it. Personally, I don’t think it’s appropriate. So what if he made a pass at you? So what if she always bats her eyes at you and cries on your shoulder. So what if you were drunk. They are off limits. I feel people do things like this to achieve jealousy as a reaction. But little do you know, the friend you’re stabbing in the back will never trust you again. The ex usually ends up feeling betrayed and see you in a different light. Is your reputation worth all that? It’s bad enough you got your ex running around telling people about your relationship. So now he/she can add “slut” to that equation. Would you want your ex best-friend telling everyone “That bitch tried to fuck my man”?

I’ve experienced a friend (more than once) making inappropriate comments about a man I was interested in or went on a date with before. I’ll laughed it off but in the back of my mind, I got my eye on them. If I see a pattern, that’s when I will pull her to the side and tell her how I feel. I think most of us have experienced that. Where your friend’s intentions with someone you have interest in is questionable. I’m not sure what causes these things to happen. I can easily blame it on insecurity or their lack of class and self-respect. One thing I do know for sure is that may be a sign towards the beginning of a doomed friendship.

The only thing I can advise is to take heed and keep your eyes open. If the unthinkable actually do happen, you have all right to let that friend go.

“Stacy” and I lost contact with each other as the years went by, until she moved down here around the same time I did. We still didn’t contact each other until she was in need of assistance. So right there I felt like the only reason she called on me for help is because she had no one else to turn to. Not like she actually cared about me and how I’ve been doing. Nevertheless, I helped her out in any way that I can. She still used her brother’s name for fame & seemed even worse with her baby-like ways. During the time I helped her, she vented about how she has no friends, that she’s bored down here, she doesn’t know where to go to hang out, she can never find dates and blah blah blahhh. So, being that we have history & the outgoing person that I am, whenever I went out mingling, I invited her. Keyword = invited.

Trust me, I’m going somewhere with this….

Every time I invite “Stacy” out, she makes up this excuse as to why she can’t go. Since December, we have been out together a total 4 times. Yes, 4 times. The other 96 times I heard the outrageous excuses. Some of the invites and excuses are as follows:

1) I won tickets to a comedy show with a reserved table. An hour before it was time for me to pick her up, she said she dropped her car keys down the elevator chute. I reminded her that I was driving and she said her house keys were also attached to the car keys. Needless to say, I ended up staying up because it was too short notice to find someone else to go on a work night.
2) I signed us up for this adult gaming event where you can play games like Spades, Hungry Hungry Hippo, Monopoly and etc. with other people in a bar/lounge setting. It’s $10 for each person. The evening of the event, she suddenly had to babysit her niece. So I was assed out $20.
3) We had plans to go to a lounge on a Thursday night where I usually meet nice men at. She agreed to go with me on Monday & talked about it everyday that week. By time Thursday hits, she mysteriously “forgot” and took an enema that afternoon. :straight:

Honestly, I understand things may and can happen. But “Stacy’s” sad ass ain’t fooling me. The first couple of times she flaked out on me I was completely done with her and went a month not speaking to her. Then I felt bad and invited her back out. That time she came. Good. But then I noticed something that night. She’s always sulking or looking droopy whenever we hang out. Almost like she’s depressed. After that night when I asked her what was wrong with her, she then revealed to me that she’s uncomfortable going out because she feels fat, unattractive, and invisible. Especially next to me. What?!?! I kindly reminded her that regardless of what others think of you, or me, YOU have to think beautiful of yourself. Then she goes to say that all the men approach me and they don’t pay her no mind every time we go out and yadda yadda yadda. Are you kidding me? I gave her a little 2 hour prep talk and thought that I boosted her esteem enough to come back out with me. That turned out to be the night she took an “enema” and also the last time I spoke to her.

See, the moral of this story is, no matter how you look, you will be treated how you project yourself. I have seen the UGLIEST women get attention out in public. You want to know why? Because they exude confidence & strength. Regardless what they look like. They smile, laugh, give exceptional conversation and great body language. If you’re all slumped over with a scowl on your face, do you really think men will approach you? They’re going to see you for what you are representing. A miserable depressed being. How can you expect to have a fun, joyous life with people if you’re not out there trying to meet new people and enjoying yourself? Sitting at home all night sulking while your television watches you is not the answer. There have been times where I had no one to come out with me. And guess what? I took my little tail right out to those events, BY MYSELF, and sipped on my Hennessy (courtesy of man 1, 2 and 3) with my pinky finger in the air and was straight OWNING the place. You always need the one pinky finger in the air with an eyebrow raised. Fierceness in motion.

I haven’t spoke to “Stacy” since then because I got tired of her flaky ways. Plus she knows I have a child so she didn’t think once of being considerate towards that fact as well. Wasting my time & money. Need I remind you I was the one that always drove her out of courtesy because her money wasn’t always right. Friends don’t do that to each other. And I’m not guilty for letting her go. Weight off my back and fear off my shoulder having to worry if she’s going to flake out or not.