There’s something I’ve been hearing a lot lately and I’m becoming a bit tired of it. Sometimes while I sit around and listen to women talk about what they want in a man, no excuse me..DEMAND what they want in a man, 90% of the time they don’t even have much to offer themselves. “My man better be making more than me, with a Master’s degree and he better be driving a Mercedes Benz“. I know you’ve heard it before. And I’m sure you notice the woman who’s saying that is working at Macy’s with her GED, trying to find her bus pass in her fake Gucci purse. Now don’t get me wrong, I understand having standards for your future mate and wanting them to have a little bit more than you. But if you’re not making efforts to heighten your life as well, I don’t think you have that right to demand so much from the opposite sex. Or turn them down with disgust just because he doesn’t meet your “standards”. If you want someone with a degree, then you need to have one yourself or at least in the making of getting one for yourself. Our lives and expectations of others shouldn’t be based on what they can do for us financially. Ultimately, I want my husband to have a degree also. However, I wouldn’t frown upon a man if he doesn’t. Who am I to judge? Being educated doesn’t always have to involve a college degree either. I know people with no college degree who have self-educated themselves by reading and doing their own research about the careers they’re in. It’s amazing when you realize being intellectual & successful may not have anything to do with the norm.
And this message this goes for both females and males. Because men do it too. I once had a man tell me his woman needs to have her own house and at least be in a managerial position before he gets himself involved with her, yet, he has an apartment and has been working for UPS for 10 years with no supervisory job title. How dare he? You should have heard him. He sounded so arrogant and condescending. I kindly reminded him where he is in his life because he obviously needs a wake-up call. How the hell can you demand for someone to have things that you don’t even have yourself? How would you feel if someone told you you’re not good enough for them? Because basically, that’s what we’re doing to each other, which is why it’s so hard for people to find successful relationships. A goal oriented, financially responsible, educated person sounds good enough for me. Who cares what kind of car he drives? What does that have to do with you? Who cares if she’s salary or hourly and makes $30,000? That’s none of your business. Okay so he graduated from a vocational school and not a college. He’s still certified in his career and HAVE a job. Being so self-absorbed will not get you where you want to be. Especially if you’re blind to your own “shortcomings” that you demand so much from others.
I had a friend once who used to always look for men in the most unstable way. When we went clubbing, she would “parking-lot pimp” by watching what kind of cars the men were coming out of. Then she wanted to sit by the bar for an hour just to see if a man will buy her drink. I used to tell her all the time that she’s conducting herself as if she’s a gold-digger (there’s really no softer way to put it) and she would say she’s just looking for “the best”. Oh so “the best” is defined by how much money you have, what kind of car you drive and if you’re buying a drink or not? I didn’t expect her to see where I was coming from because she was independent for only one year of her life due to coming from a family of success and then marrying an ex-NFL player. Our friendship was soon over after a few unfortunate events. I hate trying to educate someone who’s not willing to learn. If I’m telling you that your actions speak as a woman who will be perceived differently by people (especially men), you need to take heed to my words. If you’re always finding yourself trying to find or keep a man that’s lower than your expected standards, then you’re the one with the problem. Not him. If you’re always finding yourself with a man that exchanges money for emotions, then he perceives you as a gold-digger. He’s not trying to “buy your heart”. He’s going by what you presented to him. If you’re rocking revealing/skin tight clothing then a man is going to expect that you’re easy. And after all is said and done, you’re only going to pull something that will be very temporary.
I’m not asking to lower your standards, or to accept less than what you feel you deserve. But let’s be realistic here. Maybe I’m the only one stuck in this fantasy world where if it came down to the nitty gritty, I would choose emotions over money. Money doesn’t make a man. A degree doesn’t define a person’s character. Give people a chance for who they are and not what it may say on paper. You miss out on greater opportunities with that frame of mind.
