Relationships | chanel.

him.

It’s only right that I blog about the love of my life, after all of these years of blogging about not being able to find the love of my life.

He is everything that I’ve ever wanted in a man. And more. The funny thing is, sometimes I don’t know what to do with that “more” because it’s surreal. I never had someone who treated me like a queen. Many posers have tried, but now I truly know what it’s like. He comforts me. He listens to me. He understands me. He takes care of me when I’m not okay and he embraces me when I am okay. He cooks for me. We nurture each other. We have fun. The simple things: We laugh, we watch movies, we talk shit, we tickle each other. We know how to argue, without fighting. We have healthy debates. We understand each other. He understands me. He knows what I need and he provides it on a daily basis. He adores my daughter. And she adores him. We’ve made plans for our future. We’re building a new life, together. I feel safe. I am secure. He protects me. He protects us. Waking up to his side every morning is the ultimate satisfaction. He belongs inside of me. I’ve never questioned his love nor intentions for me and I believe in him. I know that he will never intentionally hurt me. We appreciate each other. Loving him is not a task. He loves me. With every bit of strength that he has. He shows me that love everyday. And I reciprocate that love, unconditionally.

I can’t wait until he becomes my king. Permanently.

the ex.

What is it about that one particular “ex” that either makes your blood boil or your legs weak? They put us through so much shit, make us do things that compromise our self-worth and yet, we still run back to them. You bump into them at the mall and next thing you know, you’re exchanging numbers again. Come on over and watch a movie. Yes, I missed you. Yes, I missed us. Yeah, I have condoms. Yes, I still swallow. Want to know why? Because you’re lonely. Because we believe that they’re our “safety net”. Meaning, we don’t have to go through the “getting to know each other” process again. We’re under the impression that there’s some form of comfort there being that we’re already acquainted with each other. Mentally & sexually. We forget all of the bullshit they’ve put us through because we believe them when they say “I’ve changed“. Trust me, they didn’t change. The distance made you forget certain things. Like the way he put you down & told you you weren’t good enough for him. Or the way she used you for your money. Or the fact that he never introduced you to his parents. Or the way she always made excuses for her child’s father. They have recognized your vulnerability & took prey upon it. You need to remember why they are your ex in the first place before you even decide to take that path again. Most times, it happens right when you’ve broken it off with someone else. Instead of being alone, giving yourself time to heal & recuperate, you chose to run into the arms of someone who also hurt you before. Things are going to be good for the first few weeks, but ultimately, they are still no good for you. You can get good looks elsewhere. You can get good conversations elsewhere. You can get good dick/pussy elsewhere. Why only rely on that same person who has hurt you so much in the past? You think you can’t do better? You think there’s no one else out there that can treat you the way you deserve? It takes time. It takes reevaluating yourself. Give yourself time to think about what went wrong & the mistakes you’ve made. Once you realize that you can do better, you will. He or she will enter your life when you least expect it. You will be so relieved that you did not accept the 20% that you would have gotten, had you stayed with your ex. And that same “ex” will become the most unattractive person you know.

love will find you.

We’re always looking for the perfect relationship but look for the wrong qualities to fulfill one. The goal is to find that perfect someone to who will make our lives better place to be, not a better place to look at. Love can be the sweetest thing but also can be bitter at the same time. I think someone need to really go through all the ups and downs of relationships to truly learn what love is about. I did realize a couple things about myself during my years of dating & trying to find “Mr. Right”: I needed a lot of fixing. Once I realized that, starting my process of becoming a better person, I found happiness within myself, without the aide of a man. Things that I thought mattered before, don’t matter to me now. The trials and tribulations that I’ve been through the past year have humbled me greatly. So, with this new found humbleness that I hone, came along people & things that I wouldn’t have noticed before.

We should never let someone tell us that we aren’t good enough, or that we have to change. When you love, you love hard. Unconditionally, without judgment. I put all of my energy in the people I love, and because of that, I won’t let anyone say I have to change. I’m still open minded and I always look at things both ways, so if I was wrong, I’m the kind of person who admits it and tries to correct my mistakes. People can still take advantage out of you and “steal” all your loving energy though. You ever moved on from someone & felt drained? That is exactly what they have done. They sucked up all of your greatness & used it for themselves. That is something we need to learn: Do not give your love to just anyone. Only to the persons who are willing to give that love back. If you really think about, it shouldn’t be hard at all to love someone. Loving someone isn’t a task. Loving someone isn’t about changing for them. It’s about changing for the better. Love isn’t about holding yourself back. Loving someone is about growth. It’s about starting a new life with that person. For a future that you’ve always dream about.

For years I’ve heard that you shouldn’t LOOK for love. It’ll come to you. I’ve heard so many stories from my married friends that when they first fell in love, they weren’t looking for it. It just happened. I’ve never believed that because I’m a go-getter & what go-getters do, is go for what they want. Not sit around & wait for it. Well, I believe it now. As soon as I stopped looking, love found me. Someone has learned to love me for me. Not for who I was. Not for who he thinks I should be. And not for all the superficial reasons that we use to mask our intentions. He witnessed and reviewed all of my flaws and has embraced them. He took my life history as “my story” and not as my “endured pain”. When I look into his eyes, I see myself. When I think about our chemistry, I see danger. Our beings, together bring out a force so powerful, that just thinking about his touch gives me goose bumps. It’s that serious. If I thought I knew love before, I was wrong. These feelings that I feel now, are beyond explainable. There are no words for how this man makes me feel. He entered my life right at the most positive turning point I have ever made with my emotions and myself. When I put myself out there, he was actually drawn to my inner exposure and not towards the skin that you can see with your bare eyes. Did I love him from day one? Who knows. But from the moment that he became significant in my life, I knew that there was not one day I wanted to live without this man.

him.

the ex.

love will find you.

Hello.

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