Relationships | chanel.

imperfect love.

January 16, 2011
1 Comment
love & relationships
emotions, happiness, love, relationships

Relationships or the path to find love will have it’s rough moments. Don’t think for once that it’s “easy” to find love and to keep love. Both entities has it’s ups and downs. It’s your responsibility to embrace those that you have in your life. And if by chance they are not in your life anymore, cherish the memories and be thankful for the time that they were present in it. A lot of us would not be who we are today without that one person to show us the light of our ways. There are far too many times we are remembering the hurt and pain but can’t seem to remember the greater & more joyful things that we have all experienced. The road to finding love will have those potholes. There will be times where you will feel disappointed, rejected, disrespected, hurt, or even violated. Don’t let that stop you on your journey. You will shed a lot of tears and have many frustrating moments. Striving for your happiness will not come easy. There will be times where you are going to lay in bed at night and wonder if you’re ever going to fall hopelessly in love again. I used to be that person. And as soon as I stopped looking, as soon as I stopped asking “When will it be my turn?”, love ending up finding me. Wondering, is this marriage going to work? Am I a good father? Does he love me for who I am? Will she see that I will never hurt her? You’re human. There’s nothing wrong with inquiring about your future. However, in order to achieve the maximum results, you need to go for it and never give up. Love is worth the fight.

When you love somebody, you should follow your heart. Sometimes when you are with the person you love the most, you feel confused. You don’t know who you are or what you want but that is totally understandable. It is natural to let go of a part of yourself to be with that person but the important part is that you don’t lose your own identity in the process.

♥ Anonymous

Another quote that I love: “Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being “in love” which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.” -St. Augustine

the list.

The list. Everyone has one when they’re looking for a mate. But what most people don’t know, this “list” is the reason why you haven’t found one yet.

You have to be humble. Don’t demand for a person to have a college degree if you don’t have one yourself. You’re unemployed yet your mate has to make 6 figures a year? That’s not fair at all. There’s a difference between preferences and bullshit demands. Don’t demand what you can’t bring to the table as well. It’s also very rare that you’ll find the “perfect” person. If your list of the perfect person has 10 items on there, aim for 7 out of the 10. It’s very rare that you get all 10. And even if you were to get all 10, there’s going to be an unlisted flaw that you will have to look over. Everyone has flaws. You have flaws. Maybe if you look over the small things, you’ll see the bigger picture. Then you will be able to accept a person for who they are, and not for what they have.

Unrealistic expectations. What makes the search for companionship a headache is expecting way too much from someone. Quit expecting the best out of someone if you’re not at your best. Especially in relationships. Men complain about not being able to find the right woman, yet the first thing they look for in a woman is her ass or tits. Then you got our women, trying to find Mr. Right by checking out what type of car he drives or his bank account. You are going backwards and destroying it for the deep soul seekers out there. You’re always looking for the perfect relationship, but you end up looking for the wrong qualities to fulfill one. The goal is to find that perfect someone who will make our lives a better place to be. Not a better place to “look at”. Superficial things are only good for admiring. And not for nothing, big tits, big ass, big dick, big elbows, big eyebrows, big money, big ears will run it’s course and will not matter when it comes down to upstanding a healthy relationship, being a great parent, or even merely keeping someone interested in you. It’s unfortunate that we don’t realize “perfection” runs two ways. In order to find that perfect somebody, we must believe that, whatever “perfect” is, we have already achieved it. No one can give us what we don’t already have. Mr. or Mrs. Right can’t be to us what we’re not. If we’re unhappy, unfilled, not pleased about who we are (ie: low self-esteem, insecurities & etc.) we owe it to ourselves to stop looking.

the break-up letter.

Remember feeling so violated, so mistreated, so heartbroken when the person you loved the most decided that you’re not good enough for them? They decided that someone else can play your role better? I remember a time where I felt that way. I don’t know why I allowed him to make me feel like that. But I do know that parting our ways was one of the best things that ever happened in my life. If it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t be where I am right now in my current relationship. See, the mistakes I’ve made in my past relationships, helps me strengthen the one I’m in now. So instead of feeling like the victim, I feel like the victor. The things that your ex hated, your new love will adore. Cry once, tighten up and move on. Remember: Never torture the next because of your ex.

“You Had Me At Goodbye” – written by Chanel Cheeks.

I’m so glad you were able to find me to read this. I don’t recall if I ever got this off my chest. But for emotional efficiency, I’ll go ahead and knock this out again. That night you left me. Laying in my bed, alone. Not one teardrop is falling my my eyes. It was 9:15pm. And I thought, finally…I can breathe again. That’s what was going through my mind the night we parted. It was so suffocating when you were around. Now I can do my normal daily activities without you hovering over my shoulder. There were times where I would fake sleep just to avoid conversation with you. Looking at you, especially after you just picked a fight with me, became more and more painful each day. Or maybe it was just your damn face that did it. Without you even opening your mouth. Your insecurities. All of your blame. The finger pointing. The melodramatic way you always made me the bad guy. Your guilt. Your distrust. Your lies. Because you weren’t able to get over me, you became a lying loquacious idiot. A true bitch in the making.

I cared about you, even though you didn’t deserve it. I satisfied you, despite of how unattractive you were to me. I trusted you, even though from the beginning you lied to me. I loved you, still, no matter how many times you broke my heart. Sometimes I wonder what did I ever see in you. Or why is it that the truth was lying right in front of my face, but I chose to ignore it? I learned the hard way. Over and over again. Silly of me. Did you know that every time I asked you for the truth, I already knew it? Did you know that 90% of the time, I faked it? Did you know that I never respected your father? Did you know that I was still in love with someone else? Did you know that I was scared to have a future with you because I was frightened at the fact that my future was going to turn out just as ugly as you?

Remember the time you called me, begging for forgiveness and for us to have a second chance? I had you on speaker phone the whole time so my new man can hear you. We had a great laugh that night.

Okay, okay, so you broke up with me. You’re the bred winner, correct? Wrong. Have you ever sat and thought of everything that actually led up to that point? Or what about the way that I pretty much let you leave? That wasn’t unusual to you? I practically rushed you out of my life. Was it premeditated? Planned? A fantasy of mine? I don’t mean to interrupt your conception of how things ended but, it ended before you told me “goodbye”.

Is this in reference to you directly? Or to the one I was with before you? Hmm. Good question. I’ll tell you what…..if any of my statements that I have said hit home somehow, and made you feel really guilty, then yes…I was talking about you sweetheart. Maybe not this vent in it’s entirety. But you were definitely in my thoughts while I typed this. Get in where you fit in honey. I’m sure you’re already snug though.

I was actually excited when you said goodbye. Finally, I’ve gotten the chance to get out of a relationship, without being the bad guy. How cool is that! Huh?! Because from the moment we got together, I knew it wasn’t going to last. Thank you so much for letting me go. I wouldn’t have, what I have now, if you never lost a grip of your manhood. Or lack thereof. It’s amazing how one man’s lost, is another man’s gain. You whine and complain about how there are “no good women out there” yet when there was one right in your face, you didn’t know what to do with her. So you left. However, someone knew what to do with her though. And he does it very well.

Ultimately sweetie, saying goodbye to me, ended up being the moment where I loved you the most. Thank you.

imperfect love.

the list.

the break-up letter.

Hello.

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