We should never let someone tell us that we aren’t good enough, or that we have to change. When you love, you love hard. Unconditionally, without judgment. I put all of my energy in the people I love, and because of that, I won’t let anyone say I have to change.  I’m still open minded and I always look at things both ways, so if I was wrong, I’m the kind of person who admits it and tries to correct my mistakes. People can still take advantage out of you and “steal” all your loving energy though. You ever moved on from someone & felt drained? That is exactly what they have done. They sucked up all of your greatness & used it for themselves. That is something we need to learn: Do not give your love to just anyone. Only to the persons who are willing to give that love back. If you really think about, it shouldn’t be hard at all to love someone. Loving someone isn’t a task. Loving someone isn’t about changing for them. It’s about changing for the better. Love isn’t about holding yourself back. Loving someone is about growth. It’s about starting a new life with that person. For a future that you’ve always dream about.

For years I’ve heard that you shouldn’t LOOK for love. It’ll come to you. I’ve heard so many stories from my married friends that when they first fell in love, they weren’t looking for it. It just happened. I’ve never believed that because I’m a go-getter & what go-getters do, is go for what they want. Not sit around & wait for it. Well, I believe it now. As soon as I stopped looking, love found me. Someone has learned to love me for me. Not for who I was. Not for who he thinks I should be. And not for all the superficial reasons that we use to mask our intentions. He witnessed and reviewed all of my flaws and has embraced them. He took my life history as “my story” and not as my “endured pain”. When I look into his eyes, I see myself. When I think about our chemistry, I see danger. Our beings, together bring out a force so powerful, that just thinking about his touch gives me goose bumps. It’s that serious. If I thought I knew love before, I was wrong. These feelings that I feel now, are beyond explainable. There are no words for how this man makes me feel. He entered my life right at the most positive turning point I have ever made with my emotions and myself. When I put myself out there, he was actually drawn to my inner exposure and not towards the skin that you can see with your bare eyes. Did I love him from day one? Who knows. But from the moment that he became significant in my life, I knew that there was not one day I wanted to live without this man.

Difficulties? If you really think about, it shouldn’t be hard at all to love someone. Loving someone isn’t a task. Loving someone isn’t about changing for them. It’s about changing for the better. Love isn’t about holding yourself back. Loving someone is about growth. It’s about starting a new life with that person. For a future that you’ve always dreamt about. Just because a person doesn’t seem good now, they will be good later. It takes love to bring out the best in an individual.

My message to him: If you knew how I truly feel about you, would you run away, scared of the possible outcomes? Or would you embrace my emotions and share those that you feel for me too? Are we both able and capable to take that path towards invincible love? There are moments where I’m scared & then there are those magical times where I am positive that yours supersedes mine. As I stand in front of you, naked, baring my soul…are you channeling your eyes through my emotions or are you just staring in vain? Yes I know I’m fully clothed, but little do you know, I am still in the nude. While you admire my outer confidence, I’m at total bliss about my nervousness that comes from within. That feeling doesn’t come around too often. And when it does, I usually hide it. Guard it. Afraid that you will be the one to grab it and destroy every meaning it holds. But what if I don’t say anything, keep everything built up, and I miss my chance? An opportunity to finally keep my true love. My soul mate. Yes, I can finally admit that. You are my soul mate. I’m an avid believer in the saying “A closed mouth don’t get fed” but what if being humble is the best way to go? I don’t want to chase you away with these confessions but then again, I want you to be fully aware of what I am feeling inside. I’m just a little bit scared to allow you see through these walls.

Being honest is getting me nowhere. If you carry yourself like a lady & produce great conversation that doesn’t include baby father drama, girlfriend gossip or material things, and you’re STILL getting the shitty results from these men, it is YOU? This is a serious question. What’s so hard about giving a deserving woman what she wants? Because the last woman fucked you over?

“You’re so beautiful, down to earth & I love your sense of humor. I’m so attracted to you. Let’s just fuck.” – HUH?

“You have a great spirit & I love kicking it with you. You just seem so carefree & loyal. Suck my dick?” – WAIT…

“I had a wonderful time with you last night & I loved kissing you. Let’s not speak anymore.” – WHAT?

Wholesome women need to get together and beat the shit out of “one night stand” bitches. They making it hard for us. I’m not going to sit here & act like being single is all peaches & cream. IT IS NOT. It’s fun to have all these men desire you & have your options to date whomever you like. Definition: temporary satisfactions. But when every month it’s someone different, because the last mother fucker didn’t act right, reality starts to set in. Is sex REALLY that important? Is it REALLY that serious? In a relationship, it is. But not while you’re just dating. What’s with the haste? What’s with the deceit? Why not go get a ho, instead of trying to conquer the classy career woman. Words & actions NEVER made me fuck. If I fucked you it was because I simply wanted to. Not because of persuasion.

NOTE TO SELF: Stand your ground. Remain celibate. Never compromise morals. Express wants/needs. Don’t look back. Be you.

And don’t feel you’re better than me because you’re currently fucking a man, with no real status. Your shit stinks too. Don’t feel you can’t take advice from me just because I’m single. I’m the main one who can detect an “ain’t shit nigga”. The men/women who stay talking down on single women are usually in fucked up relationships. Jealous because they’re STUCK. When have you ever seen a genuinely happy person throw their relationship status up in your face? Those people talk shit to you because they want to feel better about themselves & their own depleted commitments. Being in a relationship, being engaged, or being married doesn’t make you an expert or validates your opinions. That’s ignorant & close-minded as hell to retrieve info from one resource. You can get advice from both ends of the spectrum. Single people can give you insight about VARIOUS others. Committed people can give you advice about their significant other. Point is, everything that you hear, is about people you’ve had no dealings with. You still have to come up with your own conclusion. She’s telling you what happened with HER husband. He’s telling you what happened with HIS wife. What worked for them, may not work with you.

I am ready for love. I’m not afraid to say that. And I will never back down from that. I am patient & know how to take my time. I want companionship. Someone I can be vulnerable with. I want to need him. I want to dependent on him. I want to satisfy him. If you don’t express these things, and admit your desires, you’ll never get what you want. A close mouth don’t get fed. And if he doesn’t want to feed you, then why should you go hungry while he feast on everything you have on your plate?

Judge me.

Let me reflect on the females who repeatedly become “the other woman” and enjoy it though. You know the ones that are consistently chasing taken men. Thinking that they MUST be fly as hell because he’s willing to cheat on their wife for them. Please. This is caused by their self-esteem, or lack thereof. Deep down, they believe that they do not deserve more, that this was “all they could get”. So they took it. The “the other woman” don’t have to go through all the gripes (ie : bills, chores, family functions & etc). There’s only one positive thing from ever being “the other woman”. The emotional dependence, anxiety, insecurity and sense of abandonment that comes from being a mistress, can be a learning experience. You discover what you don’t want, and what you’re entitled to. Which is love, respect and honesty.

What about the women who stay with their cheating men? Why do they do that? Oftentimes, when a woman is with a cheating man, she automatically internalizes his infidelity, as if she could or should have done something about it. In many cases, when a woman finds out that her man is cheating, she starts asking herself “Where did I go wrong,” and “Why wasn’t I good enough for him?” I also hate the excuse that we (as women) out number men. Especially down here in Atlanta. Some shit about a 10 to 1 ratio? Well, that’s bullshit. Regardless of how many women that are out there, that is still no reason for you to go a pursue one of them when you have a good one at home. Here’s a tip = When a man cheats, 80 percent of the time it has nothing to do with you. You’ve grown to love him unconditionally. His family adores you. The sex is BOMB. You’ve adapted to his surroundings. You know him like a book. You’ve spent so much time and effort to make this relationship the way it is today. And you refuse to let all of that go to the “next bitch”. You will not throw away __ years so some other tramp can win what you worked so hard for. Right? So you stay with him. Believing that he’s your molded trophy & you can’t get no better. Assured that things will eventually work out. He has guaranteed that it was a mistake and it will never happen again. “We’re human and we’re entitled to our mistakes” he tells you and promises it was only a “one night fling”. He was drunk/stressed/lonely/unfocused/drugged/pressured/tempted. So, instead of calling the one that loves him, he decides to destroy the relationship for 38 minutes of random pussy. Placing himself, and you, at risk of unwanted pregnancy, STD’s and HIV.

Do you really believe that’s what love is about? No. I believe the real reason why certain women stay with their cheating men is insecurity. You’re scared to be alone and you don’t believe in yourself to believe that you can find another man. A better man at that. You may have full confidence in yourself but do you have confidence in what you deserve or can achieve? You think this man is going to be the only “close to perfect” man you’ll ever encounter? That’s because you’re thinking with a one track heart instead of thinking with your mind. Sure you love him but you do not have to be with him. Life goes on after a broken heart. From someone who’s experienced it before, I can promise you that. While you’re in the moment you’re going to feel like he’s the only one. You will never love someone like you love him right? WRONG. We develop the idea that we only have one true love. That’s not true. That’s caused by loving with our hearts and not with our heads. Under these conditions, if things do not go well, it has nothing to do with our hearts. It’s our poor choices that have caught up with us. The only thing we can do about a cheating man is leave him alone. And for the 32% that stays with that man and “work things out”…more power to you. Better you than me…

Thinking you can do something to stop a man from cheating is like thinking you can do something to stop it from raining outside. You can hope and wish that the rain will go away, but when it’s raining outside and you have no umbrella, you have two choices: go inside where it’s dry, or stay outside and get wet. And if you happen to encounter a cheating-type man, you have two choices: you can accept the infidelities and hope he stops lying, or you can move on to a better situation. You choose your destiny and you choose how you want to be loved. And frankly, love doesn’t involve betrayal.

This is a throwback post.

With that being said, why are you signing a prenuptial agreement? I think that’s the most ridiculous thing to ever agree to. You’re pretty much stating that you both are planning for your marriage & divorce at the same time. And in the most utmost selfish way. The word “prenup” taints marriages. If you have to think twice about marriage, there is no reason to get married. How would you feel if you helped someone build their empire, support it for 10 years and have to walk away from it all with nothing just because they don’t want you anymore? That’s why before you decide to marry someone, you need to know that you are able to commit to that person for the remainder of your life. If you feel that insecure/negative about the woman you choose to marry, then you have no business marrying her. Marriage is about supporting each other for the rest of your life. Therefore, if you end that marriage before death, you are still owed that support.

Does anyone believe in having a soul mate anymore? Or do you think the term was created for us to always have hope with love once it fails? There were a few times I thought I found my soul mate, but I ended up being mistaken. I do know, however, that I haven’t met him yet. On the flipside of rushing into things, A lot of guys seem to be in the habit of “dating” for long periods of time (1-4 years) then suddenly deciding they do not want to marry “you” or be with “you” anymore. I don’t understand why people will waste that much time in a relationship just to have a companion. Ideally, I think you should know after 2 years if you want to marry someone or not. That’s my personal standard. 2 years is good enough time to know whether or not someone is the love of your life. Especially if you’re over the age of 25. At this point, you should know who you are, what you want and the type of mate you want to be with. Indeed, it’s very hard to look into someone eyes and just know for a fact that they’re the perfect match for you. That genuinely, they are the person you want to be with for the rest of your life. That your souls are bonded together. However, it shouldn’t take 5 years to realize such.

Calling someone your soul mate is just as strong as telling them you’re in love with them. May be even stronger than love. Can you see yourself marrying that person? Sharing all of yourself with this person? Bearing their children? Accepting all of their flaws & embracing them as unique gifts without penalizing them about it? If not, then they are not your soul mate. With the divorce rate spilling over 50% in America, it’s time that we stop, look & listen to our minds & hearts before making such hasty decisions. The only person we should marry is someone you can see yourself spending the rest of your life with.

People tend to say the reason why I am single is because I’m picky, I have too many high standards, I’m a maneater, because I’m not willing to succumb & be submissive, because I’m independent…blah blah blah, cluck cluck cluck. Forget all that. I am single because I have yet to come across someone who I am able to be compatible with. I refuse to waste months and months of my life in a false relationship. I refuse to settle. I refuse to lower my standards. I refuse to fuck you on the first date. I refuse to be your side chick. I refuse to date you for more than 2 years with no ring. I refuse to force love. These are just a few of the reasons why I am single. It’s not involuntary. It’s my choice. I chose to be single because I just haven’t met the right man yet. I have my spurts when I serial date (about once a month), but…I don’t ever find that guy that makes me go “ooOOooOoo”. Sure I have my share of men that wants to commit, but I don’t want to commit to them. They’re just not my type.

While you’re lying in my bed, I wonder what the hell I am doing. Why do I continue to feel this way. What the hell am I doing with you. We used to connect emotionally but now I feel as if I don’t even know you. The things you’ve said to me, said about me, done to me….gave me enough ammunition to leave you. But I didn’t. Why am I here? Why am I with you? You don’t deserve a woman like me. And I damn sure don’t deserve a man like you. Your attitude stinks. Your outlook on life & relationships aren’t even what they used to be. And last but not least, I’m not even attracted to you anymore. So again I ask myself, why am I still with you? Why am I torturing myself? Why am I compromising love?

I hate to admit this but, I’ve felt this way before. More than once. I’m sure you have as well? Well, I refuse to feel this way ever again. I don’t want to ever find myself in an unsatisfying relationship ever again. If I’m not feeling your style, I will let you go from the jump. If your way of living doesn’t appease to me, I won’t continue to contact you. If your breath stink, I will change my number. I will never become one of those women that see the tell-tale signs of a troubled man and then start a relationship with him. That’s why there are women out here stuck in long-term relationships with a “fucked up” man. He’s not fucked up. You’re the fool to commit to him after knowing that he’s really not your type in the first place. Sometime during the first 6 months you knew he liked to smoke. So why 2 years later you’re trying to make him stop? Some women self-esteem is so low, that they will be with a man, just to be validated. You think it’s cute to parade around with a shitty relationship shouting “Hey ya’ll…I got man! Look, look!…I got a man!”  Oh yeah? That’s good that you got a man, but that same man ain’t shit. That’s why so many of us are in disharmonious relationships.You rush into things, you take the first man that ever showed you attention, you’re bedazzled by his bank account, you’re whipped over the good dick…man…get your head out of the clouds. That’s not what love is about.

I like to take my time and feel out the person I want to be with. I’m far from naive so I usually find out within a month that he’s not gonna be the one I want to be with (sometimes a week). I’m very down to earth and open-minded so I expect you to be the same also. I refuse to try to change someone. Wait…I’m lying. I’ve done it in the past, but it was all in good effort to better someone. Not to make us work. I don’t tolerate the bullshit that these men try to put us through either. Don’t get me wrong now, I’m not “male bashing” but I know a few men that will even admit to treating good women like shit in the past. They claim it’s just a “natural male instinct”. I say that’s bull. And I try my best not to partake in anyone’s “natural male instinct”. Please. Before we can start building a foundation for the both of us you have to prove that you’re HIV negative, understand that my daughter comes first in my life, I do not tolerate infidelity and communication is the key through any problem we may have.

Should I be depressed because I haven’t found him yet? Or should I be happy because I still have the chance to date whomever I like, whenever I like? I’m not looking however. Whatever happens, happen. I start “looking” once I meet that potential. I look within. And all I’m looking for is stability. Consistent affection & excessive amounts of sex with my mate. Overall, someone who understands me and what I’ve been through, who I can grow with & build a new life together. My main rule is this: Always remember that no matter how you’re built, there will always be at least one person that will recognize that & embrace it. So why settle for a person that only adore half of you. Why should I compromise my standards and date a man that can’t look me in his eyes and see me as a plan in his future? I’m not waiting 5 years for a ring. I’m not changing how I dress. I’m not adjusting my morality to please your sexual desires. I just won’t. I prefer to be happy alone, than to be miserable with someone in my life.

I’m 30. I’m single. And I’m happy.

This is how the conversation would go:
him: I don’t think we should date anymore.
me: Okay. Why?
him: I just don’t think we should.
me: Oh, well, you have a nice night!
him: You too.

This is how the conversation should go:
him: I don’t think we should date anymore.
me: Okay. Why?
him: Because I’m a faggot ass bitch and I prefer to take dick in my booty.
me: Oh, well, you have a nice night!
him: You too.

On another note…why is it that when you give people your all, you only get half in return? I am very particular about who gets to know me and to receive the most endearing side of my nature. So when I do decide to show them that, I expect great appreciation. Keyword = expect. However, it doesn’t always end up that way. You got all of these half-ass people running around, looking for a way to fill in their incoherent void that’s poisoned in their hearts. Sponges is what I like to call them. When you do decide to only give some of yourself, that usually end up being the person who’s most deserving of your 100% and you lose them because they feel you’re not making the glass full. Then you got some people who will throw up this facade that’s fitting to what you appeal to, yearning for your all and when they finally get it, they abuse it. This is the battle I’ve always had when it comes down to relationships. All areas of relationships at that. Whether it’s friends, family, work or companionship. But the area where it’s being hit the most, of course, is companionship. I take all of these risks to weed out the good from the bad because I believe that’s the strive we have to do in order to find what we want. But just like everything else we try to achieve, it gets tiring when you don’t get the results you’re looking for. After awhile, you get fed up. And it’s frustrating as hell. Not only are you allowing people in your life, you’re making it easier for them to hurt you.

I will like to take the time out by wishing all the mothers out there a Happy Mother’s Day and for everyone to appreciate women also. Everyday we should somehow celebrate being a mother, or even just being a strong woman, so make sure you pamper yourself to the utmost today. Men, grab a special woman and do the same for her. Recognize & acknowledge. Some of you really need to appreciate women, our struggle and what we give in this world. We give life, comfort, love, understanding, blessings, backbones, spirituality, joy, happiness, creativity and another reason to be happy for waking up in the morning. When life has no meaning, when you start to feel incomplete, when you’re frustrated or confused, when you’re horny, a good woman’s love will put you right back on your feet! It’s sad that still, most women are being parents alone without the help of the same man that contributed into creating that new life. It’s okay ladies. We are appreciated and honored by many. Our strength and commitment to being independent mothers will be rewarded to us later on in life.

I have a friend, let’s call her Candy. She’s in her mid 30′s, never been married, last relationship was in 2007. Her longest relationship was only a year long, but that was over 5 years ago. She keeps asking me what is she doing wrong. The best answer I can tell her was “I’ve never been in a relationship with you so I don’t know what’s wrong.” I mean, to be honest, I don’t think anyone can tell you why you’re not married yet, or why you can’t find a man or why you can’t keep a man and etc. Obviously, if there are apparent reasons like lack of self-respect, having a nasty attitude and etc, we can always advise them to do better. However, when I tell Candy this, she still feels disgruntled and pretty much stated that she’s lost faith in finding love again. Every time she tries, it always fail. Looking from the outside in, she’s always giving 100% and end up getting about 50% in return. So she dumps them and start all over again. This has been her cycle the past couple of years. Funny thing is, I see other people go through it as well. Is this a new epidemic? Are men becoming more afraid of relationships?

It’s so hard to see something that you want, but you’re unable to get it. It’s one of the most frustrating feelings in the world. I wish I had the immortal ability to have and keep everything that I desire. Sometimes it’s so hard to grasp and cherish the things we truly want. Call me possessive but, I like to fight for what’s mine. I don’t let opportunities and people go out of my life that easily. The only time I do is if I was done wrong somewhere along the line, which leads me to no choice but to disassociate myself from the scene. On the flip side of things though, I notice that I often push the wrong people away, who just might be the ones that are able to assist me in getting right where I want to be. It’s because I have this strong guard up and I use it for the wrong moments. When I do let my guards down, that’s when I get hurt, because I allowed the wrong ones to enter. Thinking back to certain situations, I almost wish that I handled myself in a different way then I did…and just kept certain people out….

I truly feel high and so grateful for everything that’s falling into place now. Every new situation we face in life, is our chance to evolve. Develop & grow. Yet, like Candy is feeling, isn’t it ironic that times like these you find yourself at your best, you just happen to not have someone special to spend it with? Let’s say you did have someone, then you lost them. Guess what happens next? It sends us right back into that cage. You know the cage I’m speaking of. Where you hold your feelings with so much protection that it almost makes you sick. Then you become afraid to let love find its way to your heart again. You feel alone, confused, frightened or just fed up. Frustrated because again, like so many other times, you have all of these built up feelings with nothing (or no one) to channel it through. You want to express & embrace so much but some how, you’re unable to. Because no one’s there to absorb you. Whether it’s personal blockage or flat out inconvenience. Sometimes I wish I can undo these pent up feelings we carry around. We have to release them somehow so you can come to terms with the present. Closure is the simplest way to define the action. We come to acknowledge our limitations, current status & accepting that it is what it is. Just keep reminding myself that this is just temporary. Eventually, you’ll find a way out because your true love already exists. Just not within the place you’re looking.

In other news, follow me on twitter. I’m twitter.com/xochanel. I’m starting to like it now, but knowing me, I may end up ditching it in 6 months. So catch me while I’m hot.

There’s been this ongoing debate about infidelity and which one is worse: Being cheated on physically or being cheated on emotionally. I believe emotional infidelity is much worse than the physical. If you’re wondering what’s the difference I will tell you. Physical cheating is about sex, getting satisfaction from someone else touch, whether you’re kissing, hugging, being affectionate and of course…having sex. Emotional cheating is when you’re connecting to someone on an emotional level by spending time with them, having that mental attachment, and keeping in contact on a daily basis. Yes, I consider “getting to know someone better” by using an internet venue cheating as well. Those personal daily emails, text messages and instant messages with the opposite sex are inappropriate if you’re in a relationship. Meeting a person from the internet is also a major no-no. The time you possibly spent to get to know them better and then to prepare a time and date to go meet them? That’s crossing the line, even if it is just a “friend”. If that “friend” wasn’t there before the relationship, they shouldn’t be there now. Same thing goes for co-workers, church members, and the cashier at the supermarket. There’s no need to create more friends of the opposite sex. That’s the point of being in a relationship. That person is supposed to be your main source of satisfaction.

Point is, I strongly believe being cheated on emotionally is worse than physically. He had sex with her once and left her alone. It’s bad, but not as bad as him spending time with her, taking her out on dates, paying her bills and crying on her shoulder when things go bad. He’s living 2 lives and becoming more and more attached to this other woman. And all during this time, he’s not talking to you anymore, not spending time with the kids, always “working late” and haven’t had sex with you in 2 months. He’s respectfully saving himself for her. She may know about you, she may not. But more than likely, she doesn’t know about you. How can you mend a relationship after that? After knowing that your partner has started a new life with someone else? Once you find out (81% of men won’t admit to it, even after asking¹) how do you cope with it? Do you forgive him and move on or do you lay down the laws of betrayal and give him a 2nd chance?

There are times in our life where we cheat ourselves. Have you ever decided to do something different with your life, but end up defending those ideals? Then what usually happens next? You lose all of your motivation. You ever decided to not go for it at all? You were so excited about your new inner discovery and all it took was one person to knock those dreams out of existence. Isn’t it funny how impressionable we become at our most vulnerable moments? We let our guards down for 5 minutes and during those 5 minutes, we receive painful reminders of why we had our guards up in the first place. People tend to forget the main fact: We only have one life to live. It’s not like you’ll get another chance to do the things you dream of doing. So why hold yourself back due to the negative opinion of others? Let them say what they want to say. Let them believe what they want to believe. I need constructive criticism and some sort of background or history as to why someone wouldn’t support me in a decision. Ignorance is bliss. If I decide to go back to school to become a teacher because I love helping children and I have a passion in education, don’t grill me down about how teachers don’t get paid much and the economy is bad and blah blah blah. Did you NOT hear what I said? My priority is not how much I would make as a teacher but the impact I can provide towards our children & their education. When I express my goals to you, I am seeking support, not backlash. Close minded people usually act this way. But most of all, it usually comes from someone who’s envious of you. Instead of praising your accomplishments and goals, they want to shit all over your parade to make you feel as low as they do.

Don’t cheat yourself out of your dreams.

Source: ¹Men Who Cheat

How often do we stop to consider the true depth of the person we’re attracted to? Plenty of men have been attracted to me in these ways and even considered starting a commitment with me but they never gotten the chance to learn & embrace the real me. They were just going by my blueprint. Not taking enough time to figure me out and dissect the path on how I got where I am today. We all have a past, present & future and not enough people show interest in that. Which is why so many of us are “stuck” in these empty relationships. Or possibly because they’re so desperate in finding love that they will accept whatever comes their way. You can stop looking, forcing and trying to make it happen. Especially in the wrong person. Love is not a struggle. It happens naturally. When you look in their eyes, you will know that they are the one. Even before the “love” presents itself. You make sacrifices, you compromise & you place yourself at levels that you couldn’t imagine doing with anyone else. A lot of people don’t value these things anymore. They see it as a “hassle” and actually frown upon settling down, growing a relationship and actually just being exclusive to one person. I refuse to give someone all of my time if I am not getting the same in return. You know what I say to men who believe that they can have sex after the first date? I say “Sure thing, but take me shopping first.” Because we all know men have the same hang ups about spending money on a woman, as we do about giving it up that easily. We like to wait to see if that man is worth giving our bodies to, just like he wants to wait to see if she’s worth him taking her shopping and etc.

I can’t only blame the men now. Because how are they getting away with these acts? Women are allowing them to. These women are trying to state what their standards are and when the man tells them they are only interested in one thing, they accept that. Or even worse, there are women out there who would broadcast that all they want is sex, and it doesn’t if the man is married/committed. It’s just a bad cycle revolving in more ways than one, which will be very hard to stop because it’s becoming more acceptable in today’s society. Insecurity and low self-esteem, of course, is to blame as well. I’m also not knocking people who have decided to maintain a sexual relationship with someone. Sometimes you are able to mutually agree that this is all you want, with no strings attached. It’s just so disheartening though that the older we get, more and more people are seeking that more than an actual monogamy.