Love and commitment takes work. A lot of work. And I hate working.
Would it be awful of me to say that I’m glad I am not in a relationship because of the work and the stress (and the good stuff) that will come with it? I guess I’m not ready for one, but at the same time, I don’t want one either. I’m happy being single. In fact, I’ve been celibate for 10 months, so I can see myself being single for a real long time until I find the right man for me. And when I do, I’m sure I’ll be more ready and more willing to put in the effort. However, right now, I’m content at where I’m at in life. Then again, I’ve always been a bit of a loner, so yeah.
And don’t try to shade me. I’m not an “angry bitter black woman trying to front like she don’t need a man”. I would LOVE to have a juicy man in my arms right now. But at the same time, there are things I am still working on with ME that needs some fixing before I can open my life to another man.
Love have mysterious ways to overpower your emotions. It’ll make you adore someone to the fullest and then hate them within a heartbeat. Especially at the end of a relationship, which can also be the beginning of a new, improved you. After a break-up, you ever realize how much energy that relationship sucked out of you? It literally feels as if they sucked the life out of you. After they’re gone, it almost feels as if your blood is rejuvenating it’s circulation. And of course (not immediately after they leave) it took a while to recover from the devastation of being forced to start over. But when you do, you realize there were sides of yourself dying to be expressed. That’s exactly how I felt when my heart was broken. Boy was he the love of my life then. Nevertheless after we broke up, slowly and surely, my life became so different. Same goes for any relationship you’re in (friendship, dating, etc). As soon as you disassociated yourself from someone, you feel 5 more pounds lifted off your back. Ever notice you don’t get much shit done when you have your head up in the clouds, eyes wide shut? Not even focusing on reality. Now that’s when I feel being involved with someone will effect your life in a negative way. I’ve seen women call out from work for days over a broken heart. I can’t lie, I failed a couple of classes back in college because of a broken heart. I couldn’t focus on my studies AT ALL. That’s when I knew I needed to wake up and smell the roses. One of the best motivations I gave myself was reminding myself that he’s most likely out there not giving a rats ass about me. All those tears I’ve shed whilst he’s celebrating his renewed single life? Come on people, we got to do better. I did better. That was 14 years ago (OMG, 14 years ago?!). And when I came across one of my old photo albums the other day, and seen one of our pictures in there, I chuckled to myself. Back then I just knew I couldn’t be without him but now I’m wondering what did I ever see in him?
Take heed to these words if you ever find yourself feeling stuck. Life & relationships are not about being frozen in place. It’s about growth, commitments and love. Sometimes you may just have to fight for love because the other party is simply scared of it. And if you’re the person who’s scared of love, scared of fighting to make things work, scared to make the slightest effort to earn that companionship, you need to do some thorough soul searching. No one is meant to be alone. Life is so much better to aim for your desires than not trying at all. I personally prefer to try, and maybe get rejected, than to not knowing at all if it would have worked.
I know, I know…easier said than done. But remember….the hardest advice to follow is your own.