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agree to disagree.

Thu 12.19.13in drama eliminationComments Off

Humans, it seems, are wired for disagreements. These conflicts can be angry, awkward messes, or they can be civil exchanges of viewpoints that lead to better decisions at work and closer relationships at home. What makes the difference is usually not the issue at hand but how it is handled. Here, then, are the rules of engagement, followed by tips on how to speak your mind (to almost anyone). No bench-clearing brawls, no threats of secession, no backseat turf wars involved.

The best ways to compromise, clear the air, and fight fair:
1. Pick your battles. You do not have to address every injustice or irritation that comes along. But it is a mistake to stay silent when an issue matters and the cost of silence is feeling bitter, resentful, or disconnected.

2. Understand the stakes. Even if you think that you know the other person’s issues, it can’t hurt to pose a direct question. Ask “What’s your real concern here?” Often, you’re not really voicing it.

3. Wait until you’re calm. When emotions run high, disagreements can turn personal, and that’s rarely productive. Recognize when emotions are charged, and don’t have the conversation until you have a cool head.

4. Be respectful. If someone thinks you’re listening thoughtfully, she is more likely to respond in kind. An empathetic phrase, such as “I understand how you feel,” can go a long way.

5. Speak for yourself. Rather than criticizing the other person, stick to expressing your own feelings and actions (“I felt hurt when…” or “I’m concerned because…”). It’s honest and authentic when you say how you truly view a situation.

6. Don’t interrogate. Try not to go on a lawyer-like attack with a litany of yes-or-no questions. This tack is aggressive, puts the other person on the defensive, and can belittle them.

7. State the facts. If you have them, use them. Facts give opinions and feelings a lot more credibility. It also helps that “they aren’t personal or emotional,” so they can help make your disagreement constructive. Just make sure you really do have the facts. At the very least, you should be able to name your source.

8. Speak to common interests. Keep the common goal and good in mind. Remember: If an argument turns nasty, nobody wins. Tell the person how much she means to you and how much you value her opinion.

9. Aim to clear the air rather than win. In many instances, the disagreement will end in détente. Don’t try to win the argument; it’s more important to focus on understanding why the other person thinks differently than you do.

10. Consider compromise. It doesn’t get you exactly what you want, but it can be an effective way for people to overcome a disagreement and move forward. Remember: A compromise doesn’t have to be equal to be acceptable. However, it is important for you to understand what you’re both giving up and to be comfortable with that equation. You don’t have to feel happy about a compromise, but you have to feel you can live with it.

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the wrong way to tip.

Tue 11.12.13in life, spritual1

A guy named Ikma works in a restaurant in Washington, DC. Apparently, an older couple from the “Bible Belt” decided to leave her this as a tip. Here’s Ikma’s thought progression:

So, yeah. This is, most definitely, not an okay tip to leave, Bible belters and tract leavers. If you want to leave this AND leave them a tip for their exceptional service, then whatever floats your boat. But in all honesty, do you think that Jesus would have done something this shady and shitty? Tricking someone into thinking they were getting money, when in reality you were handing them a piece of meaningless paper, which in and of itself is essentially lying? Congratulations. You have accomplished the opposite of what you set out to do. The server now hates your religion even more than they maybe used to.

I grew up around the rhetoric that if you were a Christian, that you needed to watch your actions because they speak louder than your words do. This kind of action shows that Christians are cheap, thoughtless and conniving. If you want to be a real “witness” to those who bring you your food and beverage, you better tip the shit out of them. That might change their minds.

Source: reddit

happiness.

Fri 10.18.13in drama elimination, lifeComments Off

The foundation of our happiness is to have a positive sense of self-value. This also guarantee success within ourselves. When we doubt ourselves and allow people to treat us less than our value, we become worthless. Regardless the level of your esteem and security, always remember that you’re unique and you have a gift to offer. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. If they do, they are just jealous because they never gotten the chance to know you and know what you’re about. Characteristics that they find as flaws, the next person will adore it. They will follow, monitor and even try to sabotage you just so their miserable ass can nitpick for something out of the ordinary. Let them continue. It means nothing to you & neither do they. You have an unique quality within yourself that they are lacking and instead of acknowledging that quality & giving credit when it’s due, they try their best to convince themselves (and possibly others) that you are the opposite & commence to bring you down.

The five simple rules to be happy:

  1. Free your heart from hatred – Forgive.
  2. Free your mind from worries – Most never happens.
  3. Live simply and appreciate what you have.
  4.  Give more.
  5. Expect less from people but more from yourself.

I am naturally happy. For the first time in my life: I’ve earned this feeling on my own. I wake up everyday just knowing that I am fabulous. No, I don’t think I’m better than you. No, I don’t think I’m prettier than you. And no, I am not vain. I am able to recognize that I have something valuable to give the world and no matter how many people wish I didn’t have so many talents that make me the person that I am today, they will never dim my light that shines from within. If you’re insecure or have low self-esteem, keep rehearsing that in your mind. Like I stated before, what you may find “wrong” within yourself, there’s someone out there that will embrace that and love you for you. Take no shorts, cut down on the compromising and never settle for less. Believe in who we are & what we do. Look up to & trust ourselves to make it through the difficulties just knowing that we can. We are the only ones who are responsible for building that self-confidence. Don’t do it for him. Don’t do it for her. Don’t try to prove them wrong. Don’t worry about their negative opinion. We’re all are equipped & capable of getting to where we want to be as long as we create a positive pattern of self-worth. Continue to believe you’re the best because you are the best. And no one, I mean no one…..can tell you otherwise.

Remember: The best revenge is happiness. Nothing drives people crazier than seeing someone actually living a good life.

pain.

Thu 10.17.13in lifeComments Off

pain

controlling your anger.

Sun 9.15.13in drama elimination, spritualComments Off

I’m not going to front. I was withholding a little bit of anger in my heart still from some events that occurred the past year, and has been searching for a way to let it go. Today I was finally taught a very good lesson on how to achieve that. A special guest speaker preached a powerful sermon today. His name is Pastor Jeremy Morton. Here are a few things I learned at church today.

  • Nothing is accomplished by anger.
  • Don’t cast stones on Paula Deen & others because you’re not supposed to compare yourself to other sinners.
  • Who are you when you’re stuck in traffic? Who are you when someone cuts in front of you? Who are you when your children act up? Who are you when you get fired? Who are you when your friend unfriends you on Facebook or unfollows you on Twitter? What makes your anger and sins any different than anyone else?
  • What we allow to enter our minds & hearts will determine who we are.
  • God wants us to control our temper to live calmly & cool.
  • We get angry when we don’t get  our way, so we have a fit. That’s our way of letting someone know about it.
  • When you are calm & cool, you make the right decisions.
  • A wise man practices self-restraint.
  • Be angry about the proper things.
  • Whenever there’s the most anger, they’re in need of the most grace.
  • If you can’t say it in front of God, your mother or your pastor, don’t say it at all.
  • Listen fast, talk a little, and be calm.

3 Facts:

  1. For everyone, there’s an opportunity to get angry. You are not special because you have a short temper.
  2. When tempted to become angry, a soft response turns anger away. Respond to negativity with grace.
  3. Responding to anger with anger makes it worse. – “Since you’re a fool with no self-control, I’ll also be a fool with no self-control.”

Chronic Anger, the most common form of addiction —— Professional advice from a counselor All over the world, thousands of people are verbally abused, physically assaulted, maimed or murdered everyday because of anger and rage. Families are ruined, marriages ended, children traumatized, careers lost, opportunities missed and personal and public property destroyed. To “assess” means to take an honest look. Many people have a hard time facing reality and the damage that is caused even though they have suffered personal consequences because of their behavior. There are people out there who have suffered and have felt alone and powerless. There is hope, there is help. The habit of anger abuse is one that is reinforced socially. People learn to abuse anger from the examples set by parents, peers and the media. Therapy can help people to unlearn these destructive patterns, and can show people how to replace their anger habit with peaceful alternatives in responding to their triggers in nonviolent ways. It can help people discover how they learned their anger pattern, understand the nature of anger, how to change your mind and behavior, the importance of forgiveness and how to focus on values and goals.

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