chanel. » obstacles

revolving door.

chanel — Sun, 20 Nov 2011 19:50:48 +0000

When one door shuts, another one opens. – Author Unknown

This is how I feel about my life right now. Something happened recently that made me feel as though things were going to turn for the worse. Oddly, it didn’t. It should have, but it didn’t! Things only got better. New opportunities arose to expand my side hustle as a web designer, my health is at it’s best, and I’ve been losing weight (15lbs in less than 2 months). Kyle’s career is kicking off with this new opportunity for him working in Human Resources, and my weave has been behaving itself.

I say all of this because I’m bringing light to a situation that had the potential to ruin my life. I was backstabbed by my own “mentor”. I’m not going to try to figure out why it happened. That’s what I used to do. Stress myself out seeking for a reason why I was hurt, why was I lied to, why is this happening to me. You know the “oh woe is me” drama we place on ourselves when we get fucked over. All I can do is overcome the betrayal, and make sure that it doesn’t place a long standing negative effect in my life. And it didn’t. That betrayal actually helped me advance in so many ways. It opened doors for myself and for my family.

While a part of me is still kind of sore from what happened, the better part of me is ecstatic at the fact that my life is so much better now that I don’t have to deal with certain things anymore. I definitely was settling for less in my career, I was becoming more and more stressed out, and my health was deteriorating. i became a doormat and was losing myself in the process.

With all of that said, I am very thankful for that particular door closing on me. Without that, I wouldn’t have a peace of mind today.

i hate stripping.

chanel — Sat, 26 Feb 2011 07:19:40 +0000

This is deep. While this may not apply to everybody, it definitely applies to some. Well put @loanyg.

I just want to let everyone know that this was written and recorded in the middle of last year but Im JUST now posting it. I kind of felt that if I would have posted this video while I was still dancing, it would have been a bit of contradiction. Update: I am no longer dancing. Pursuing my photography and working so that I can build on my artistry.
- Loany G.

Good for you babe. Best of luck with your future endeavors!

tired.

chanel — Sat, 11 Sep 2010 21:36:36 +0000

Karma: It’s a major task to not seek revenge when someone do you wrong. But when that same person keeps testing you, it becomes hard to “turn the other cheek”. Where I’m from, we say fuck the other cheek. Seek justice. Don’t get me wrong. Karma has not failed me. Eventually, I will get an update on how a person who was vindictive towards me is doing, and 9 times out of 10 they are not doing okay. I smile whenever I get these updates. Not because I wish bad on people but because I am satisfied that karma finally catches up them. However, I’m tired of waiting that long for karma. And I want to take up matters in my own hands. Because I do it so well, and so much better. Recently I had a patient who was relentless in her attempt to get me fired. All because I wouldn’t give her what she wanted. Had I give her what she wanted, I would have jeopardized my job because it was against the rules. But not giving her what she wanted ended up in her trying to get me fired. You’re damned if you do, and you’re damned if you don’t. I thought about sneaking into the parking lot and giving this spoiled rich bitch a piece of my mind, and maybe a piece of my knuckles. But it was raining and I didn’t feel like getting my hair wet.

Taking someone for granted: People become too comfortable with you when you’re too nice. Then, when you decide to tell them about themselves, you’re not acting like “yourself”. Not entirely true. I am being myself. It’s just that I’ve remained nice for too long. I kept catering, and only catering, YOUR feelings. You keep fucking up, I keep forgiving and now you’re taking advantage of me. It stops today.

Cowardice: An example of cowardice is telling everyone how you really feel about a friend, except for the actual person. I’m the type of person that if I have an issue, I’m going to address it with you. Not with Tom. Not with Keisha. With YOU. These days, people don’t have the balls to tell you how they feel. They don’t have the loyalty to talk to you directly. These days, people aren’t able to handle confrontation, or constructive criticism. The world revolves around them. Everyone wants you “keep it 100%”, but when you do that, they don’t want to accept what’s handed to them. “Communicate with me”. Grant them their wish, next thing you know, YOU’RE the one with the “issue”. You’re the “delusional” one. “Girl, you’re tripping”. – No, I’m not tripping. You just can’t handle the truth. When all is said & done, you got nothing accomplished. You walk away feeling like things are unfinished and then the “friend” runs off to complain to OTHER people about you. Instead of just keeping it where it was: private. There’s a name for people like this that also falls under the category of cowardice: bitch. Also: Male bitch, female bitch, immature bitch, big bitch, lil bitch, insecure bitch, self-centered bitch, dumb bitch & stupid bitch. Everyone wants to be respected, without actually giving that respect. Well, you’re not going to get what you don’t deserve. Fuck you.

This week, I don’t know. I am exhausted. I feel like so many people have showed their true colors towards me. Either they’re jealous of what I have going for myself or they want a piece of my positivity because they’re too miserable to find happiness on their own. Well, I got news for you, I’m over it. I’m over getting riled up. I don’t have the energy for it anymore. From this day forward, I’m only going to focus on the positive.

me, myself and i.

chanel — Wed, 21 Apr 2010 12:30:20 +0000

ask me anything. (this ought to be interesting)

Do you believe in knowing who you are & that you will remain that way forever? Just when you thought you had yourself all figured out, there’s always that one individual that sees you in a totally different perspective that you never viewed before. As they are expressing their opinion of you, to you….you’re either going to agree or disagree right? Well what if most times you find yourself agreeing? Does that mean you really don’t know yourself. All that you were projecting as your persona, was that all a facade? Or does it truly mean we haven’t really found ourselves? Even though all the answers are buried within you, it’s amazing how someone from the outside can sum you up in a matter of minutes. Teaching you how to handle yourself & the ways you can better your ways of self-expression. It’s amazing what you get once you allow yourself to receive.

Once you get through all of our own simplicities, you’ll always find out the root is very complex. Why? Because as we age, we’re learning. All of our experiences & the emotions we felt through them are all wrapped up in a box inside of our souls. Every time we find ourselves in a similar situation, we unwrap that box and dig deep for a better solution than the last. So no, I do not believe you will remain the same forever. It’s emotionally impossible. What is possible, however, is what spectrum of the rainbow you fall under more. The darks or the brights (better known as the positives or the negatives). Some people find themselves “stuck” in their negative ways to the point where the blame is on the whole world but their selves. Showing the inability to take responsibility for the roles they played in other people’s life. How it affected someone else. Did they learn anything from them? Most likely not. Other people take the positive road. Taking full hold of the things they learned and try to figure out how they can make things better next time around. Highlighting the key moments where full satisfaction was accomplished & what they can do to achieve that everlasting smile again.

Our past and our scars (whether they’re fresh or healed) is a reflection of what we believe about ourselves. Within every experience we have in our life, we always learn & grow from it. At least we’re supposed to. Thus, it furthers define who we are. Regardless of what you’ve been told, you can and is able to change with every new experience. Your ex cannot successfully tell you who you are and what you’re about. Because all they’re going by is how you were with them. Each experience enhances your capabilities by giving you something new to draw upon. Every new capability you discover & develop leads to a new opportunity. As long as you have these abilities, there will be endless possibilities for you to grow and learn something new.

So yes, you will find out something new about yourself as you encounter new people in your life. It’s part of the universal flow & the different roads we go through while we’re in route to our own self. It’s up to you to decide on one direction, not to get lost & sticking to it for the next time you need to get there.

revolving.

chanel — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 04:32:40 +0000

The only way to get to where you want to be is to do what needs to be done….by all means necessary. I believe in fate. I believe we create fate. I don’t believe in predetermined destiny and I definitely don’t believe in letting someone else make my decisions. I believe that anything I set my sights on can be accomplished. I believe in staying strong and staying true to myself. There are so many secret ways in the world to find out who we truly are. Everything that we experience, everything we think, feel and do is in an intricate order. It’s part of the emotional flow that helps us discover who we are. If our thoughts and emotions didn’t play out towards our actions, how else would we see who we are? If our thoughts and emotions didn’t play out towards your actions, how else would I see who you are? The world isn’t happening to us. We’re happening to it. We’re molding it, shaping it, creating the good and the bad that occurs in our life. And like clockwork, we’ll get tired of what we’re doing & will strive to do something else. As usual, we will always move on. Traditionally, I started 2009 with a new beginning for my life. I’m not going to lie, it’s not turning out to be a great year for me. For some odd reason, every time I move froward, something else tries to pull me back. I’m not sure if this supposed to be a “sign” that I need to do some reevaluating, but I’ve already starting making some changes in my life. They’re not major changes, however, I know what needs to be done. I need to eliminate some more people, be careful of who I trust & whom I allow to get close to me.

When we get tired of hate, envy & jealousy, we will stop showing it attention. When we get tired of injustice, we’ll stop judging each other. Ladies, when we get tired of our men disrespecting us, trying to deplete our morale, pulling the wool over our eyes, we will stop compromising and set higher standards for ourselves. Men, when you get tired of being put down, discriminated against and used, you will stop placing blame on society & place that strength towards your dignity. No one can make you, but they can sure break you. But don’t give them that power of destruction. You are better than that. Most of us don’t know what we cannot do until someone tells us. We’re reminded of how dangerous it may be, how ridiculous it sounds, what a chance we’re talking. They give us warnings, cautions & “helpful hints” about alternative things we can do instead. When they’re finished, what just happened? We have been effectively talked right out of our dreams. We settled for less. This is why it’s imperative to have a strong overlook at your success in anything you try to achieve. No matter what people say, you will try your best. And let’s just say you do happen to fail, you were still given a chance to discover your strengths, your weaknesses, your passions and yourself in that journey. No one can take from you. No one.

If you were subscribed to my blog before, please resubscribe below. For some odd reason, when I did the WordPress upgrade, it deleted all of my subscribers. I apologize for the inconvenience.

feeling defeated.

chanel — Sun, 08 Mar 2009 20:43:10 +0000

Feeling down. Does anyone know what that may feel like? It’s like you buy a new outfit for a special date, just for your boyfriend to tell you the outfit is ugly. But you feel like that everyday. It’s almost as if you’re depressed but in a minor way. If you don’t feel good about yourself, and it’s hard to feel good about anything or anyone else. You see everything with a bad eye. You miss the value and worth of every experience. You limit yourself because you don’t feel good about who you are or what you do. You hold yourself back because you don’t believe what you want is worthwhile. You put yourself in situations that are either compromising, abusive or unproductive. You feel bad about yourself because of what you’ve done. The only way to get out of the cycle is to allow yourself to believe the world is waiting for who you are becoming. Age doesn’t play a factor. Nor does education. What you need to do is surround yourself with people that appreciates you & will welcome you simply for being who you are and not what they want you to be. Complaining about it isn’t going to make it any better. Do something about it. Life is about movement. Life is going to be a challenge. There will be rough times, difficult situations, major obstacles and forks in the road that will distract you from reaching your destination. There will be manipulative people that are envious of your accomplishments & people that will succumb to spreading rumors about you because they don’t have what it takes to reach your level…

Never give up on what you believe in. It really doesn’t matter how long it takes to reach your goal. As long as you have determination and motivation to get you there. Even love. The moment you give up on doing it, it will never get done. The moment you focus on the negative energy that’s trying to swing your way, you lose that power. With all your great accomplishments that’s going on in your life, why should you take notice to anything that’s trying to bring you down? Everything that we experience, everything we think, feel and do is in divine order. And if you just so happen to follow a path to do someone wrong, karma will catch up with you. You won’t be able to stop it from happening because that’s just how life is and sometimes we have to struggle through that. However, you can stop it from derailing your natural being. For me, my power of ignoring comes very handy at this point. Sometimes you tend to wonder why certain things happen. Why people can’t just think before they apply action. Do they know that unless you can benefit from it in the future, whatever they think, say or do to you will only make them look stupid? While all these games & charades are going on, there’s a strong being called reality that they have no clue about. And while they’re suffering from the lack of reality, everyone else around you are climbing to higher levels. These things happen because they are meant to strengthen our ability to handle anyone & anything at any given moment. It places you right back on track on who, when and what to trust. Everything that you go through happen the way they should, at the right time, to the right people, and ended the right way. The only job we have, is to know we are equipped to handle it. I know I’m equipped to handle just about anything because I am strong minded, experienced enough, independent, assertive and realistic. Are you?

the nerve of people.

chanel — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 05:40:42 +0000

Being in the vicinity of ignorant people is not my cup of tea. They try their best to convince me that they’re not like the rest. After time has pass, many have proven themselves to be just that. That’s when I disassociate myself from them, which usually lead to unfortunate events.

It’s so disheartening when someone close to you tries to hurt you. When they purposely want your heart to bleed. What is the quality of your intent? Certain people have a way of saying things that shake us at the core. Even when the words don’t seem harsh or offensive, the impact is shattering. The intent behind the words is what hurts me the most. Not the fact that you called me out my name. The fact that you tried to belittle me. The fact that you were trying to hurt me. It takes a lot for someone that I care about to make me feel like shit. But when you’re desperately trying to?…that’s when I feel betrayed. Can you imagine arguing with someone close to you over something small & because you made a good point, made them feel stupid if you will, and they turn around and calls you a nasty name? What would anger you more, the fact that they called you a nasty name or the fact that they tried to hurt you?

When someone does you harm, is it right to do the same thing in return? No. Naturally, we react in a negative way thinking it’s okay because they did it too. Truth is, you can never get even with someone who has hurt you. Any attempt to do so puts you behind the bad karma mill. “Two wrongs never make a right”. Pretty much, you can’t right a wrong by committing another wrong. Funny how hard it is to live by that simple rule. You may be able to justify your actions politically or socially, but spiritually you will be held accountable for what you do. Why you did it, doesn’t count. I’m an avid believer in karma. Regardless of what someone did to me I refuse to stoop to their level and try to hurt them back. Before I matured, I just knew for a fact that that was the “proper” way to handle things. Obviously, our life works just like a boomerang so whatever you do, the effect of that action will come right back to you. So, while you’re sitting there, watching someone’s miserable insecure ass calling you all types of names to anyone that will listen, or in your face….always remember that they are the ones that are truly hurting inside. They are the ones that owns some sort of envy towards you. The question is, are you going to allow it to happen again by sticking around?

Isn’t it ironic that the people who talk shit about you really have no room in doing so in the first damn place? When did someone with no job, no home of their own, no kids, no car get the nerve to talk shit & try to look down upon someone who has a job, has their own place and has their own car? How can you clown another man for driving a Nissan when you’re pushing a raggedy ass Buick? How dare you call her a slut when you’re not faithful to your own? Why are you claiming Barack Obama is your idol yet you haven’t taken care of your kids in years? Why frown upon Jay-Z & Beyonce taking 5 years to get married….where your marriage license at? When did it become okay to condone domestic violence if the woman is the one throwing punches but it’s not okay if a man beat your ass for hitting him? All your life I never heard you mention a word about God but now that you found out you have a disease you’re in church every Sunday? You’re tired of “these gold digging bitches” yet you wanna take her shopping on the first date? Time to check that reality and humble yourselves people. Last time I checked, your shit stink too. Maybe even more.

And what about the people that you reject? Whether it’s a man after the first date or a woman that you used to hang out with. You feel rejected? Get over it. It’s as simple as that. Don’t try to insult me nor what I represent just because I didn’t kiss your ass. Maybe the blame should be on your limited way of thinking. Or maybe it’s your lack of reality, education…experiences? I can promise you that the same person that rejected you isn’t paying you no mind anyways. They can careless how you feel or what you say from this point on. If you understand that you can only draw to yourself what you already are, you can see rejection in another light. If your self-esteem was higher, you wouldn’t succumb to having a fit when you’re not the one that they chose. If you worked more on your insecurities, education level, financial stability or sexual morals, you’ll be able to curb those child-like traits that make you perform the stupidity that you do each day due to the rejection.

We all know at least one person who’s guilty of one of these subjects I touched on. Maybe of all these things. The sad thing is, it’ll take years before they realize their wrongdoings. Do like I do and ignore their ignorance (one of my favorite quotes). Eventually they will get over it. Unfortunately, most people don’t and they never will. Because you’re that damn great.