Women know exactly what you desire & we satisfy your needs. We know how to play the role. We already established our independence. Our careers. Our finances. We know when to bring half to the table. We know how to support & comfort. We also nurture and raise your children. We pretty much don’t ask for much anymore but companionship. But what do we get in return? A first class offer of some of your dry ass flaccid dick. Matter fact, at this day and age, we’re lucky if we even get offered the dick, being that your boy’s probably sucking it as we speak…..

Don’t get me wrong & confuse this current blog as if I’m “man bashing”. I am not. I absolutely love real men who are not afraid to swallow their pride, push aside their egos & embrace a woman for what she represents, where she’s coming from, who she is & where she’s going. I am currently in a relationship with a strong man and he was not afraid to start a new life with me. I’m simply putting it out there about the men who are really little boys. Fronting like they got it all under control. I am capable of seeing right through you. Just because I smile in your face everyday doesn’t mean that I’m not on to you. That’s called being polite & avoiding conflict. You guys knows exactly how to prey on certain women. You seek & probe for a particular weakness & then you prey on it. This is how us women get caught up with these men.

Overall, it’s too easy for us to know when you’re full of shit. The truth will always prevail. Presenting yourself as if you got your shit together, but you don’t. Acting like you’re a grown ass man, but still living with your mother with a suitcase filled of excuses of why you’re still there. You wanna know why it’s so easy for us to move on? Well frankly, because being with you makes us feel like lesbians. If we wanted to date a woman we would go and get the real thing. Not some gender born man acting like a damn lady. You’re not as irresistible as you think you are, you’re not completely over her, your dick ain’t that big (matter fact it stinks) and you are not God’s gift (despite what you think). Reevaluate yourself and figure out what do you really have to offer a woman before you talk out the side of your neck. Quit wasting everyone’s time and start acting like a gentleman. You call yourself a “king”? Prove it. You’re only making yourself look worse by disrespecting us. We have come a long way and well deserve the same amount of respect and gratitude you do. Never mind what your ex-girlfriend did, how the video hos dress or what ignorant “advice” your mother gave you. What has she done to you to deserve the disrespect you have given her? That’s exactly what most of us women are asking today. And I have yet to find the answer to that question….

So before you fix your lip to call your queen a bitch (or some random negative adjective)….you better take a good look into that wide ass mirror you got in your bathroom dude. The term bitch is dripped all over you. You.

Being honest is getting me nowhere. If you carry yourself like a lady & produce great conversation that doesn’t include baby father drama, girlfriend gossip or material things, and you’re STILL getting the shitty results from these men, it is YOU? This is a serious question. What’s so hard about giving a deserving woman what she wants? Because the last woman fucked you over?

“You’re so beautiful, down to earth & I love your sense of humor. I’m so attracted to you. Let’s just fuck.” – HUH?

“You have a great spirit & I love kicking it with you. You just seem so carefree & loyal. Suck my dick?” – WAIT…

“I had a wonderful time with you last night & I loved kissing you. Let’s not speak anymore.” – WHAT?

Wholesome women need to get together and beat the shit out of “one night stand” bitches. They making it hard for us. I’m not going to sit here & act like being single is all peaches & cream. IT IS NOT. It’s fun to have all these men desire you & have your options to date whomever you like. Definition: temporary satisfactions. But when every month it’s someone different, because the last mother fucker didn’t act right, reality starts to set in. Is sex REALLY that important? Is it REALLY that serious? In a relationship, it is. But not while you’re just dating. What’s with the haste? What’s with the deceit? Why not go get a ho, instead of trying to conquer the classy career woman. Words & actions NEVER made me fuck. If I fucked you it was because I simply wanted to. Not because of persuasion.

NOTE TO SELF: Stand your ground. Remain celibate. Never compromise morals. Express wants/needs. Don’t look back. Be you.

And don’t feel you’re better than me because you’re currently fucking a man, with no real status. Your shit stinks too. Don’t feel you can’t take advice from me just because I’m single. I’m the main one who can detect an “ain’t shit nigga”. The men/women who stay talking down on single women are usually in fucked up relationships. Jealous because they’re STUCK. When have you ever seen a genuinely happy person throw their relationship status up in your face? Those people talk shit to you because they want to feel better about themselves & their own depleted commitments. Being in a relationship, being engaged, or being married doesn’t make you an expert or validates your opinions. That’s ignorant & close-minded as hell to retrieve info from one resource. You can get advice from both ends of the spectrum. Single people can give you insight about VARIOUS others. Committed people can give you advice about their significant other. Point is, everything that you hear, is about people you’ve had no dealings with. You still have to come up with your own conclusion. She’s telling you what happened with HER husband. He’s telling you what happened with HIS wife. What worked for them, may not work with you.

I am ready for love. I’m not afraid to say that. And I will never back down from that. I am patient & know how to take my time. I want companionship. Someone I can be vulnerable with. I want to need him. I want to dependent on him. I want to satisfy him. If you don’t express these things, and admit your desires, you’ll never get what you want. A close mouth don’t get fed. And if he doesn’t want to feed you, then why should you go hungry while he feast on everything you have on your plate?

Judge me.

I have done a lot & have been through a lot to get to where I am today. And my journey doesn’t stop. What pisses me off the most are these grown ass men with high demands of women, when they are barely bringing half to the table. How is it that you’re in the club, flashing jewelry & “popping bottles” when you’re behind on child support? You require your woman to cook for you when you’re still living at home with your mother? Talking about “I’m just here to help her out.” Please. Help her out with what? Running up her food & electric bills? How dare you state that you want an “independent woman” when you’re sharing an apartment with someone else? I would completely understand if you were a single parent & you have full custody of your child. But most of these men has no children. What’s your excuse?

This doesn’t apply to everyone either. I am referring to the ones who are about 27 & older. Some may say over 25, but let’s be honest here. A lot of people spend a few years trying to find themselves & what they want out of life. Usually, we figure at out after we get through the “party years”, ages 21 through 25. I didn’t know exactly what I wanted to do with my life until I was 27 myself. But you best believe…even though some goals were not set, I didn’t have this high unrealistic standard set for the men in my life. I’m not going to demand a man to have his own place, if I didn’t have my own place. I’m not going to demand that a man have a degree, if I didn’t have my degree yet. Humble yourself. What can you bring to the table? Are you able to meet me in the middle?

One of the greatest downfalls people have is banking on the potential of someone else. We go through great lengths to understand what someone should do, could do, has the ability to do but is not doing. Expecting & assuming when you’re unable to fit the criteria yourself. It’s simply not fair. Take a look at yourself, see what you can offer, then make your “demands”. Especially if you’re blind to your own “shortcomings” that you demand so much from others.

Look what Mariah Carey is going through currently with Eminem. All because she did not want to acknowledge their “fling”. He talks shit about her in most of his songs. Years later, she finally decides to respond with her song & video “Obsessed”. What he does next? He responds with a song threatening to release voicemails, nudes pictures & incriminating evidence that they were together. So the fuck what Eminem? Move on. He is the epitome of what I’m talking about. A bitter man who does not know how to get over it and move on. Funny thing is, Rick Ross has called him out many times but he never responded. However, he chooses to pick a fight with female? That’s real manly you dude. We will never question your sexuality Eminem. Oh, and let’s not forget how so many people were actually cheering Chris Brown for what he did to Rihanna. Do you know how many people were attacking Rihanna? Granted Chris Brown received much deserved flack for what he’s done, but Rihanna received just as much herself. “Good for her, I didn’t like her anyways.” What?! Why is that? Why no one wants to back up a woman anymore?

These things are very uncalled for. Not only are you embarrassing yourself as a man, you look like bitter scorned bitch. No one wants to hear your stories about why things didn’t work out between you and ______. So what if she wasn’t what you expected her to be? Who cares if she broke your heart? Does that warrants you to drag her name through the dirt? Do you really believe, in that pitiful insecure mind of yours, that saying all those things make you the better person? What ever happened to cherishing, loving, nurturing & respecting your woman? I understand that rejection can be painful. I understand that there are days where you’re not in a good mood. But that doesn’t make it right. If we, as women, count on a man to protect us, yet that same man disrespects us, who are we to turn to after that? It’s bad enough that we, women, tear each other down on a daily basis. Being in the vicinity of a man takes away the grief that we go through.

I don’t want to bring the media up in my argument…but I have to. I’m seeing women getting exploited more & more on television and I don’t think there will ever be a turn around point. I would not be surprised if one day I turn to a sitcom and they’re showing nipples & bare ass on there. But on the flip side, you barely see men half naked or being depicted as sexual objects. The larger viewing audience are women. Yet, you have half-naked moaning women plastered all over television. Who are they appeasing? Certianly not me…

(Speaking of the media…) Have you ever noticed the way the media advertise depression amongst women? As if we are the only ones that are able to get depressed? Why are they stereotyping women with depression? If women suffer depression because of the “social denigration” they endure, why is it that men also suffer major depression, and commit suicide in numbers far greater than women? Sad that rather than focusing on real underlying causes of depression/anxiety (loss of community, affluenza, promotion of superficial looks) we get ads for a quick fix pill instead. No profit in truly emotionally healthy people I guess huh? As far as I’m concerned, women are targeted to take anti-depressants & the social denigration they face is rarely discussed as a reason for her sadness. I strongly believe the problem is the way society and the media portrays us. As if we’re a bunch of overly emotional creatures. We have the same emotions as men. The only difference is, we express it outwardly much more & with more confidence than men. As I look through Sports Illustrated or a Maxim magazine I have yet to see a prescription drug ad in there dealing with depression. Or weight problems. Or anxiety attacks. Instead of describing depressive illnesses in terms of specific symptoms & medical terms, as they did when the era of Prozac began in the late 1980s, the printed news media are now far more likely to depict women’s mental issues in relation to gender-stereotyped roles, like marriage, motherhood, & menopause. And just like I stated before, descriptions of depression in men have not shifted in the same way. The media, the pharmaceutical industry, the strategically placed ads and commercials. Its all aimed to play on the “weakness” of women. We got to the doctor far more and often end up only handed a pill to fix it rather than given an opportunity to be heard to communicate that there really is an illness at work here.

I don’t know if there’s something in the water, or what. All I do know is, something’s gotta give.

Edit: You can find me at http://diaryofchanel.com if you want some short-text daily rants, ramblings & farts.

My standards aren’t high. Some men are just used to low class bitches.

Let me reflect on the females who repeatedly become “the other woman” and enjoy it though. You know the ones that are consistently chasing taken men. Thinking that they MUST be fly as hell because he’s willing to cheat on their wife for them. Please. This is caused by their self-esteem, or lack thereof. Deep down, they believe that they do not deserve more, that this was “all they could get”. So they took it. The “the other woman” don’t have to go through all the gripes (ie : bills, chores, family functions & etc). There’s only one positive thing from ever being “the other woman”. The emotional dependence, anxiety, insecurity and sense of abandonment that comes from being a mistress, can be a learning experience. You discover what you don’t want, and what you’re entitled to. Which is love, respect and honesty.

What about the women who stay with their cheating men? Why do they do that? Oftentimes, when a woman is with a cheating man, she automatically internalizes his infidelity, as if she could or should have done something about it. In many cases, when a woman finds out that her man is cheating, she starts asking herself “Where did I go wrong,” and “Why wasn’t I good enough for him?” I also hate the excuse that we (as women) out number men. Especially down here in Atlanta. Some shit about a 10 to 1 ratio? Well, that’s bullshit. Regardless of how many women that are out there, that is still no reason for you to go a pursue one of them when you have a good one at home. Here’s a tip = When a man cheats, 80 percent of the time it has nothing to do with you. You’ve grown to love him unconditionally. His family adores you. The sex is BOMB. You’ve adapted to his surroundings. You know him like a book. You’ve spent so much time and effort to make this relationship the way it is today. And you refuse to let all of that go to the “next bitch”. You will not throw away __ years so some other tramp can win what you worked so hard for. Right? So you stay with him. Believing that he’s your molded trophy & you can’t get no better. Assured that things will eventually work out. He has guaranteed that it was a mistake and it will never happen again. “We’re human and we’re entitled to our mistakes” he tells you and promises it was only a “one night fling”. He was drunk/stressed/lonely/unfocused/drugged/pressured/tempted. So, instead of calling the one that loves him, he decides to destroy the relationship for 38 minutes of random pussy. Placing himself, and you, at risk of unwanted pregnancy, STD’s and HIV.

Do you really believe that’s what love is about? No. I believe the real reason why certain women stay with their cheating men is insecurity. You’re scared to be alone and you don’t believe in yourself to believe that you can find another man. A better man at that. You may have full confidence in yourself but do you have confidence in what you deserve or can achieve? You think this man is going to be the only “close to perfect” man you’ll ever encounter? That’s because you’re thinking with a one track heart instead of thinking with your mind. Sure you love him but you do not have to be with him. Life goes on after a broken heart. From someone who’s experienced it before, I can promise you that. While you’re in the moment you’re going to feel like he’s the only one. You will never love someone like you love him right? WRONG. We develop the idea that we only have one true love. That’s not true. That’s caused by loving with our hearts and not with our heads. Under these conditions, if things do not go well, it has nothing to do with our hearts. It’s our poor choices that have caught up with us. The only thing we can do about a cheating man is leave him alone. And for the 32% that stays with that man and “work things out”…more power to you. Better you than me…

Thinking you can do something to stop a man from cheating is like thinking you can do something to stop it from raining outside. You can hope and wish that the rain will go away, but when it’s raining outside and you have no umbrella, you have two choices: go inside where it’s dry, or stay outside and get wet. And if you happen to encounter a cheating-type man, you have two choices: you can accept the infidelities and hope he stops lying, or you can move on to a better situation. You choose your destiny and you choose how you want to be loved. And frankly, love doesn’t involve betrayal.

This is a throwback post.

I believe society are becoming so used to seeing strong woman in demanding careers to the point where they find the thought of taking care of that same woman as blasphemy. I really doubt a man was raised on the premise that once he find the love of his life, his job is to make sure she wakes up on time to report to work. Men were raised to provide and protect their family. Does anyone still believe in the traditional family values where the man provides and the woman take care of the home? I understand if you both have not met your goals as yet and have decided to start a family together, however, the money is not looking right. Completely understandable. I understand if the woman does not want to stop working because her career is her passion. Completely understandable. What I don’t understand is the peace of mind a man can have with watching his wife bust her ass every morning at 5am getting the baby ready for daycare, because she has to be at work by 7am, yet, you’re not making any effort to make your current situation better. That’s bull. Weren’t you raised better than that?

Don’t get me wrong. I’m all for the career woman to also help provide for the home and etc. I’m only speaking in reference to once a new child is involved and/or educational goals are presented. To be honest with you, if my husband took part in supporting me throughout the years of pursuing my degree in Counseling Psychology, I would not mind supporting him once I receive my accolades. That’s what marriage is about. You give to one another. My thoughts and theories just further heighten my concerns about marriage and why people end up divorcing a year later. This is why I am so picky with whom I choose to commit to and build a new future with. A simple discussion like this, can change so much in a relationship and the outcome of it.

We, as women, have been lowering our standards far too long. Afraid of being “dumped” due to speaking our minds. Afraid of projecting what we want from our men. Afraid of telling that man, what we expect from him in the future. Afraid to simply say “Yes, I would love to be married someday.” because he’s afraid of commitments. I am not afraid to say that I have traditional expectations from my husband. What’s the point of spending the rest of your life with someone if they don’t meet your personal likings? When you speak on it, and they do not agree, then you have a lot of delegating to do in reference to you and your future with that man.

There’s been this ongoing debate about infidelity and which one is worse: Being cheated on physically or being cheated on emotionally. I believe emotional infidelity is much worse than the physical. If you’re wondering what’s the difference I will tell you. Physical cheating is about sex, getting satisfaction from someone else touch, whether you’re kissing, hugging, being affectionate and of course…having sex. Emotional cheating is when you’re connecting to someone on an emotional level by spending time with them, having that mental attachment, and keeping in contact on a daily basis. Yes, I consider “getting to know someone better” by using an internet venue cheating as well. Those personal daily emails, text messages and instant messages with the opposite sex are inappropriate if you’re in a relationship. Meeting a person from the internet is also a major no-no. The time you possibly spent to get to know them better and then to prepare a time and date to go meet them? That’s crossing the line, even if it is just a “friend”. If that “friend” wasn’t there before the relationship, they shouldn’t be there now. Same thing goes for co-workers, church members, and the cashier at the supermarket. There’s no need to create more friends of the opposite sex. That’s the point of being in a relationship. That person is supposed to be your main source of satisfaction.

Point is, I strongly believe being cheated on emotionally is worse than physically. He had sex with her once and left her alone. It’s bad, but not as bad as him spending time with her, taking her out on dates, paying her bills and crying on her shoulder when things go bad. He’s living 2 lives and becoming more and more attached to this other woman. And all during this time, he’s not talking to you anymore, not spending time with the kids, always “working late” and haven’t had sex with you in 2 months. He’s respectfully saving himself for her. She may know about you, she may not. But more than likely, she doesn’t know about you. How can you mend a relationship after that? After knowing that your partner has started a new life with someone else? Once you find out (81% of men won’t admit to it, even after asking¹) how do you cope with it? Do you forgive him and move on or do you lay down the laws of betrayal and give him a 2nd chance?

There are times in our life where we cheat ourselves. Have you ever decided to do something different with your life, but end up defending those ideals? Then what usually happens next? You lose all of your motivation. You ever decided to not go for it at all? You were so excited about your new inner discovery and all it took was one person to knock those dreams out of existence. Isn’t it funny how impressionable we become at our most vulnerable moments? We let our guards down for 5 minutes and during those 5 minutes, we receive painful reminders of why we had our guards up in the first place. People tend to forget the main fact: We only have one life to live. It’s not like you’ll get another chance to do the things you dream of doing. So why hold yourself back due to the negative opinion of others? Let them say what they want to say. Let them believe what they want to believe. I need constructive criticism and some sort of background or history as to why someone wouldn’t support me in a decision. Ignorance is bliss. If I decide to go back to school to become a teacher because I love helping children and I have a passion in education, don’t grill me down about how teachers don’t get paid much and the economy is bad and blah blah blah. Did you NOT hear what I said? My priority is not how much I would make as a teacher but the impact I can provide towards our children & their education. When I express my goals to you, I am seeking support, not backlash. Close minded people usually act this way. But most of all, it usually comes from someone who’s envious of you. Instead of praising your accomplishments and goals, they want to shit all over your parade to make you feel as low as they do.

Don’t cheat yourself out of your dreams.

Source: ¹Men Who Cheat

How often do we stop to consider the true depth of the person we’re attracted to? Plenty of men have been attracted to me in these ways and even considered starting a commitment with me but they never gotten the chance to learn & embrace the real me. They were just going by my blueprint. Not taking enough time to figure me out and dissect the path on how I got where I am today. We all have a past, present & future and not enough people show interest in that. Which is why so many of us are “stuck” in these empty relationships. Or possibly because they’re so desperate in finding love that they will accept whatever comes their way. You can stop looking, forcing and trying to make it happen. Especially in the wrong person. Love is not a struggle. It happens naturally. When you look in their eyes, you will know that they are the one. Even before the “love” presents itself. You make sacrifices, you compromise & you place yourself at levels that you couldn’t imagine doing with anyone else. A lot of people don’t value these things anymore. They see it as a “hassle” and actually frown upon settling down, growing a relationship and actually just being exclusive to one person. I refuse to give someone all of my time if I am not getting the same in return. You know what I say to men who believe that they can have sex after the first date? I say “Sure thing, but take me shopping first.” Because we all know men have the same hang ups about spending money on a woman, as we do about giving it up that easily. We like to wait to see if that man is worth giving our bodies to, just like he wants to wait to see if she’s worth him taking her shopping and etc.

I can’t only blame the men now. Because how are they getting away with these acts? Women are allowing them to. These women are trying to state what their standards are and when the man tells them they are only interested in one thing, they accept that. Or even worse, there are women out there who would broadcast that all they want is sex, and it doesn’t if the man is married/committed. It’s just a bad cycle revolving in more ways than one, which will be very hard to stop because it’s becoming more acceptable in today’s society. Insecurity and low self-esteem, of course, is to blame as well. I’m also not knocking people who have decided to maintain a sexual relationship with someone. Sometimes you are able to mutually agree that this is all you want, with no strings attached. It’s just so disheartening though that the older we get, more and more people are seeking that more than an actual monogamy.

And this message this goes for both females and males. Because men do it too. I once had a man tell me his woman needs to have her own house and at least be in a managerial position before he gets himself involved with her, yet, he has an apartment and has been working for UPS for 10 years with no supervisory job title. How dare he? You should have heard him. He sounded so arrogant and condescending. I kindly reminded him where he is in his life because he obviously needs a wake-up call. How the hell can you demand for someone to have things that you don’t even have yourself? How would you feel if someone told you you’re not good enough for them? Because basically, that’s what we’re doing to each other, which is why it’s so hard for people to find successful relationships. A goal oriented, financially responsible, educated person sounds good enough for me. Who cares what kind of car he drives? What does that have to do with you? Who cares if she’s salary or hourly and makes $30,000? That’s none of your business. Okay so he graduated from a vocational school and not a college. He’s still certified in his career and HAVE a job. Being so self-absorbed will not get you where you want to be. Especially if you’re blind to your own “shortcomings” that you demand so much from others.

I had a friend once who used to always look for men in the most unstable way. When we went clubbing, she would “parking-lot pimp” by watching what kind of cars the men were coming out of. Then she wanted to sit by the bar for an hour just to see if a man will buy her drink. I used to tell her all the time that she’s conducting herself as if she’s a gold-digger (there’s really no softer way to put it) and she would say she’s just looking for “the best”. Oh so “the best” is defined by how much money you have, what kind of car you drive and if you’re buying a drink or not? I didn’t expect her to see where I was coming from because she was independent for only one year of her life due to coming from a family of success and then marrying an ex-NFL player. Our friendship was soon over after a few unfortunate events. I hate trying to educate someone who’s not willing to learn. If I’m telling you that your actions speak as a woman who will be perceived differently by people (especially men), you need to take heed to my words. If you’re always finding yourself trying to find or keep a man that’s lower than your expected standards, then you’re the one with the problem. Not him. If you’re always finding yourself with a man that exchanges money for emotions, then he perceives you as a gold-digger. He’s not trying to “buy your heart”. He’s going by what you presented to him. If you’re rocking revealing/skin tight clothing then a man is going to expect that you’re easy. And after all is said and done, you’re only going to pull something that will be very temporary.

I’m not asking to lower your standards, or to accept less than what you feel you deserve. But let’s be realistic here. Maybe I’m the only one stuck in this fantasy world where if it came down to the nitty gritty, I would choose emotions over money. Money doesn’t make a man. A degree doesn’t define a person’s character. Give people a chance for who they are and not what it may say on paper. You miss out on greater opportunities with that frame of mind.