“the more you are motivated by love, the more fearless and free your actions will be.”

We should never let someone tell us that we aren’t good enough, or that we have to change. When you love, you love hard. Unconditionally, without judgment. I put all of my energy in the people I love, and because of that, I won’t let anyone say I have to change.  I’m still open minded and I always look at things both ways, so if I was wrong, I’m the kind of person who admits it and tries to correct my mistakes. People can still take advantage out of you and “steal” all your loving energy though. You ever moved on from someone & felt drained? That is exactly what they have done. They sucked up all of your greatness & used it for themselves. That is something we need to learn: Do not give your love to just anyone. Only to the persons who are willing to give that love back. If you really think about, it shouldn’t be hard at all to love someone. Loving someone isn’t a task. Loving someone isn’t about changing for them. It’s about changing for the better. Love isn’t about holding yourself back. Loving someone is about growth. It’s about starting a new life with that person. For a future that you’ve always dream about.

For years I’ve heard that you shouldn’t LOOK for love. It’ll come to you. I’ve heard so many stories from my married friends that when they first fell in love, they weren’t looking for it. It just happened. I’ve never believed that because I’m a go-getter & what go-getters do, is go for what they want. Not sit around & wait for it. Well, I believe it now. As soon as I stopped looking, love found me. Someone has learned to love me for me. Not for who I was. Not for who he thinks I should be. And not for all the superficial reasons that we use to mask our intentions. He witnessed and reviewed all of my flaws and has embraced them. He took my life history as “my story” and not as my “endured pain”. When I look into his eyes, I see myself. When I think about our chemistry, I see danger. Our beings, together bring out a force so powerful, that just thinking about his touch gives me goose bumps. It’s that serious. If I thought I knew love before, I was wrong. These feelings that I feel now, are beyond explainable. There are no words for how this man makes me feel. He entered my life right at the most positive turning point I have ever made with my emotions and myself. When I put myself out there, he was actually drawn to my inner exposure and not towards the skin that you can see with your bare eyes. Did I love him from day one? Who knows. But from the moment that he became significant in my life, I knew that there was not one day I wanted to live without this man.

Difficulties? If you really think about, it shouldn’t be hard at all to love someone. Loving someone isn’t a task. Loving someone isn’t about changing for them. It’s about changing for the better. Love isn’t about holding yourself back. Loving someone is about growth. It’s about starting a new life with that person. For a future that you’ve always dreamt about. Just because a person doesn’t seem good now, they will be good later. It takes love to bring out the best in an individual.

My message to him: If you knew how I truly feel about you, would you run away, scared of the possible outcomes? Or would you embrace my emotions and share those that you feel for me too? Are we both able and capable to take that path towards invincible love? There are moments where I’m scared & then there are those magical times where I am positive that yours supersedes mine. As I stand in front of you, naked, baring my soul…are you channeling your eyes through my emotions or are you just staring in vain? Yes I know I’m fully clothed, but little do you know, I am still in the nude. While you admire my outer confidence, I’m at total bliss about my nervousness that comes from within. That feeling doesn’t come around too often. And when it does, I usually hide it. Guard it. Afraid that you will be the one to grab it and destroy every meaning it holds. But what if I don’t say anything, keep everything built up, and I miss my chance? An opportunity to finally keep my true love. My soul mate. Yes, I can finally admit that. You are my soul mate. I’m an avid believer in the saying “A closed mouth don’t get fed” but what if being humble is the best way to go? I don’t want to chase you away with these confessions but then again, I want you to be fully aware of what I am feeling inside. I’m just a little bit scared to allow you see through these walls.

THREE TYPES OF WOMEN THAT MEN SHOULD AVOID

When it comes to relationships, women will spend a lifetime avoiding men until she finds Mr. Right. On the other hand, men will find Mrs. Right after spending a lifetime dating and sleeping with as many women as they can. In the process of finding the right one, people get involved in relationships that they had no business being part of in the first place. In a man’s case, they often get in those relationships because they are thinking with their eyes and penises. There are three types of women that men should avoid despite the apparent attraction.

The Never Single Girl
Here’s a girl who seems normal. She’s pretty, smart, has a great sense of humor and has all the intangibles that guys like. All her life she’s had a boyfriend. She barely knows what it’s like to be single. She just recently broke up with her boyfriend and now has her eyes set on you. It seems like an opportunity you don’t want to turn down. Turn it down my friend. This girl is needy. She needs the comfort of having a man. She’s an emotional train wreck waiting to happen and a “cling-on”. You have to call her all day & spend every single bit of free time with her. The wallpaper on her phone, the wallpaper on her laptop, her Twitter avatar & Facebook profile picture is of you two. It’s cute but that’s only after two weeks. It’s more than likely that she is insecure which can lead to jealousy. If a girl’s number pops up on your phone, you receive an “I miss you” tweet, smile at another woman or lord forbid hug someone too long, all hell will break loose. She can easily go from yielding a knife and wanting to kill you to crying in your arms. Then there’s the competition in her head. Because she gets into relationships so frequently, she will compare you to her last. Instead of you developing in this relationship at your pace, she may be expecting you to develop at his pace and you might not even know it. This girl may have the characteristics you like but don’t rush into it. Actually, don’t let her rush into it.

The Drunken Hot Girl
You can’t keep your eyes off of her. Her hair is long, her dress is short, her lips are glossy and she has the attention of every guy in the room. At the club, she dances on top of couches with a glass of champagne in her hand sometimes pulling her dress down. She has modeling pics but never really models. Her list of boyfriends look like the nominees for the Espy’s and MTV Music Awards. Somehow, you have her attention and she likes you. Run! If you’re famous or a “baller”, understand that she is into you for your fame and money. Nothing else. She wants to enjoy the perks of dating someone as famous as you are. Trips to award shows, great seats at the ball game, pictures of you two on blog sites, etc. She’ll never help you invest your money but will definitely show you how to blow $20,000 at Louis Vuitton. If you happen to be the average guy who gets with her, you are in for the ride of your life. Most likely, this girl doesn’t work and so she is dependent on you. She’s going to have a taste for the finer things. Birkin bags, Louboutin shoes & Mandalay dresses. You better believe that if she wants Italian, it’s going to be Scarpetta and not Olive Garden. Then there’s the joint bank account, which eventually, will turn one bum into two bums. Her lifestyle is rich in glitz & glamour. Is yours?

Ms. Super Independent
She is the perfect woman. She has it all together. She’s beautiful. She can cook and clean. She has her own house and car. She is smart. Graduated with her bachelor’s in 2 1/2 years and was able to garner 2 Master’s degrees. She’s now working on her PhD. She currently holds an executive position at her job. This is the woman you should be with, if you’re as or more successful than she is. If you’re not, don’t date her until you are. Why? Successful women are strong characters. They’ve worked all their life to be independent so that they don’t need you. Everything she does and everything she works for has to be top notch, including her man. If she happens to follow her emotional inclination and dates you because she likes your personality, problems may arise later. She’s going to feel the need to carry the relationship, making you feel less like a man. She’s going to do things for herself that you won’t be able to, once again, striking a blow to your ego. More than likely, powerful men who share similar drive, ambition, and success surround a woman of her stature. You might not measure up. Eventually, you might get looked down upon. If her friends are as successful, they may convince her to ditch you for a “better” man. For the most part, this is the woman you want but you should definitely get your life together before pursuing her.

Everyone has someone that fits his or her wants and needs. It’s about self evaluating and determining who you are, what you have and then figuring out what you want and need. Relationships today are beyond just romance. Couples today have to match up physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually and financially. If you know who you are and know what you’re looking for, you will be able to choose from a select pool of people and increase your chances of finding the right person for you.

I came across that email while I was looking for something else through my gmail. The man (there were plenty of other things I wanted to call him like “fuckboy” or “bitch with a dick” but I’m going to keep it classy) that wrote that letter for me, hated me 6 months later. He ran my name through the mud. Funny how that same love he professed, turns into hate. What is it about love that makes you HATE the person as soon as they exit your life? Does hate really exist or is it an easier way to get over someone? I know they say “mind over matter”, but does it matter when your mind isn’t truly over it? Or maybe, they never loved you in the first place?

Love isn’t meant to be solved. It’s just is. Take heed to these words if you ever find yourself feeling stuck, asking questions. Life & relationships are not about being frozen in place, wondering “Where do I go from here?”. It’s about growth, commitments, love and knowing your path. Sometimes you may just have to fight for love because the other party is simply scared of it. And if you’re the person who’s scared of love, scared of fighting to make things work, scared to make the slightest effort to earn that companionship, you need to do some thorough soul searching. Life is so much better to aim for your desires than not trying at all. I personally prefer to try, and maybe get rejected, than to not knowing at all if it would have worked. I know, I know…easier said than done. But remember….the hardest advice to follow is your own.

No one is meant to be alone. Never believe that saying “We all die alone”. We WHO? You know who dies alone? Hateful people who treat everyone else like shit & with ill intent. I just backspaced about 5 times after that statement because I started to think about the people who are so miserable that they make it their daily business to try to make others miserable as well. I was going in on a different level, and almost scared myself. So I won’t even spoke the words into existence. I don’t need that karma on me.

When I think about life and the events that occur in it, I always wonder what’s the real reason certain things happen. One year can be stress filled and then the next year is eventful. You know how someone can finish pouring their heart to you about a devastating situation and the only thing we’ll probably say is “everything happens for a reason“? Well I have yet to find out that reason. To a lot of things. Why did certain people hurt me the way they did? Why did he say he’s going to be there, just to disappear again the next day? Why did I almost lose my life in that car crash? Why did she have to die the way she did? My only guess is…negative experiences happens in our lives to make us stronger. What won’t break us will make us? It seems like the more positive we get about things and our current situation, negativity tries it’s best to shove it’s head into our life and ruin it. I refuse to let the bad outweigh the good though. I try my best to keep my focus on the good things like bubblegum, dick & weave sales. Just kidding about dick. Not wait, I’m not.

Obviously I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about my past lately. Maybe too much. But sometimes, it’s what you have to do in order to move forward. Yup, I’m about to be cliche and say 2010 will be my year. You watch.

I used to carry baggage from past relationships into new ones, when we all know that’s not healthy. People (especially the ones looking from the outside, in) usually tell you to “free yourself & start over”.

But how do you free yourself from that which is a part of you?
You don’t.

How do you start over when you don’t know where to begin?
You can’t.

However, you are able to unpack that baggage, lay out all the excess garbage and make room for something better. You take a look at all the pain, guilt & fear dead in it’s face & see what it is, for what it is: the past. Don’t hold everyone responsible for the things someone did to you yesterday. When you do that, you end up in a similiar relationship, an identical situation or with a broken heart. If and when we move beyond where we were, the past is unable to follow us. When you try to throw people out of our hearts & minds all you’re doing is building that brick wall.

Don’t give up on men because the ones in your past treated you like shit. Don’t give up on women because the ones in your past used you. Once you decide to let go and learn how to love again, love will find it’s way back into your life. Love is like shopping for that good pair of jeans. You keeping trying different styles on until you find that perfect pair.

In other news, I’m tired of hearing & reading about these females that think sleeping with a man is going to make him stay with you. No matter how many times you sleep with him, it’s not going to bring you guys closer to a commitment. Women need to get rid of this unrealistic expectation that “pussy” will get you somewhere in life. It doesn’t. All your pussy guarantees are temporary satisfactions. He will never wife you if you keep giving him the goods like you’re already his wife. That same man may front like he cares about you & tell you you’re his everything. Yet refuses to commit. He’ll blame it on his parents. On his ex. On his baby-mother.  But in truth, all he’s doing is making mental notes of how you’re conducting yourself with him. You’re not respecting yourself. You’re not giving him any reason to take things to another level, if you’re giving him that “level” already. He’s not getting any motivation because you’re not withdrawing yourself. Why would a man commit to a woman that’s joining in with him on the demoralizing acts of love? (ie: He has a girlfriend/married, telling you he will never commit to you & etc). Nothing’s wrong with 2 single people having a sexual relationship, where you & the other party agrees it’s just that. But don’t expect nothing more than orgasms. Because that’s all you’re entitled to. You have no status, no expectations & no demands.

Sorry I haven’t been blogging as frequent as I usually do. School just started again, and I have been spending a lot of time with some offline activities. I will update soon. In the meantime, I will post a throwback that I wrote 2 years ago. Some of you may remember it.

Yes…you read that right. I’m a fraud. I’m one of those people who talk so much about love, but is unable to determine it on her own. The ones that I’ve told “I love you” to, I never really loved them. At least, not the way I ought to. I was more in love with the fact that they loved me. I was infatuated with the way they cared for me. I lusted for them during the first month. But as time goes on, I started to lose that attraction. Then my patience starts to wear thin. By this time, I’ve gotten so used to being with this individual, I end up settling. Without even knowing that I have. Then that’s when it happens. Doubts. Doubts can break any bond you have with an individual. Do I really know this person? Is he really the one for me? Random thoughts start to surface my mind. Thoughts of who I wish he was more like. Thoughts of the good times I used to have with other men. Thoughts of the man that I believe to be, my ideal mate. Why I always find myself back in his arms? I don’t ever like to go backwards with relationships, but he always seem to be the exception in that rule. Like, no matter what we go through, we always end up back together. Like nothing ever happened. Is that what love is?…or is it something else? Is that healthy?…or is that self-destruction? Questions, questions, questions…that never seem to get answered…

I love you, but I’m not in love with you. I don’t think I ever was. You know who you are. And it’s more than one of you. I battle myself from time to time and try to figure out why I am like this. I’m quite sure I have broken many hearts due to my own selfishness & confusion on what love, for me, is. And I apologize for that. The biggest hint that lets me know that I don’t really love the person I am with is this: when they threaten to leave, I don’t object to them doing so. I’ll sit right on down, and watch them go. Do I cry? Nope. Does that make me an emotionless bitch? Nope. Just means that I didn’t care enough. I did, however, recall one time in my life where I did ask a man not to go. I actually fought for him not to leave. And he never left. The same man who holds that mysterious power over me. And you know what, I hold that same power over him. But why do we find ourselves apart every so often? Is that sign that we should leave each alone? Perhaps. So, if that’s the case, why do we always find each other again?

Right now in my life, I am overjoyed. My career, my financial status and my loved ones are kicking ass. I am definitely happy. But obviously…I am confused beyond natural belief. Confused as to why I feel this way and confused as to why I made the decisions that I have made this year. I have no clue what to do and it’s scaring me. Usually I’ll have a solution straight off the back when I’m presented with an ultimatum. But what do you do when the pros & cons weighs out pretty much the same in either commitment? The worst thing I can do is nothing. I want to do the right thing for me. I believe the decisions that I’ve made in the past week were the best for me right now. I swear decisions have so much power. They usually take me to the exact place I need to be, exactly when I need to get there. Maybe I should take some chances. Take some risks. Follow my heart. Since time and opportunity wait for no one, my life will not stand still until I figure out what to do. I’ve gotten so used to the way my life is, and how I handle “love”….I’m afraid to fall into it again.

I hope I’m doing the right thing…

It takes a lot more character to tolerance someone’s flaws than to point them out. Those are the same people that will tediously tell others what they “need” to do or change. Somehow those are the ones that are drawn to me. Excuse me but, have you ever thought that maybe it’s you and your inability to handle the brutal honesty that come out of these lips? I’ve already found myself & contrary to popular belief, people love it. Do you really believe that I’m going to be bent out of shape because you’ve just proved to me that I’m too woman for you? No matter how much you’re unable to “deal with my shit”, that “shit” is what makes me me. I’m not making anymore excuses for myself and how I am. I’m not the type to sugarcoat shit just to cater to your sensitivity. I’m not the type to baby you when you’ve fucked up for the 56th time. I’m not the type to hold on to someone (or something) that doesn’t deserve to be kept. You’re either going to love me or leave me alone. So make sure you close the door on your way out…

I’ve become restless. I know what to do, but the option isn’t available to me. And I can’t place my finger on how to make it available. I do know that I need to rationalize my thoughts and stop taking things so seriously. It’s funny how I thought I mastered my emotions when it comes down to relationships and feelings. I wonder why negatives are always thrown my way right when I’m smooth sailing with positivity? I believe when it happens, it’s a test to see if I have truly grown. To see if I matured. Well yes, I have. Unfortunately, I’ve become more numb with my feelings than ever. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. It also seems I’ve learned to not allow my feelings to get the best of me. Which, makes me a bit less tolerable towards excuses/bullshit/contradictions. We are all humans I guess and we need to experience the good and the bad. We are bound to make mistakes while we trudge through them and then we learn from the ending results in every situation. I’ve been through a lot in my life and I feel whenever a negative encounter occurs, it’s just someone testing my current strength. Maybe to see if I am able to handle a greater blessing that’s somewhere along in my path. Well, I can easily tell you that my mentality is far beyond my physical years. I am completely satisfied with my life and who I am today.

Life is an on going battle between our hearts and minds. A lot of times we find our minds wanting and needing what our hearts don’t. Whether it’s a friendship, courtship, or relationship, it becomes difficult to make decisions. But before you can make decisions regarding yourself and others, you must first begin with yourself. If you aren’t living the way you should, it’s an inevitable drain if you bring someone else along. How can you find someone who completes your puzzle, if you have yet to identify all the pieces that you bring to the table? No one in this world has all the pieces to their own puzzle because it takes someone, the right someone, to complete them. You will know it’s the right someone, when both your heart and mind agree on it. I am so thankful for situations that bring about epiphanies and enlightened thinking.

Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.

Remember how you felt during the first encounters of someone you love? Didn’t you deny your own feelings? You smile when you see them and you close your eyes when you think about their voice. Every conversation feels like the first one. You’re completely fascinated by the way they make you feel. The thought of their kiss raises goose bumps as you lick your lips. You talk on the phone everyday. You want to see each other everyday. You want to be held everyday. You miss their caress. You miss their warmth. You miss their body. But sex hasn’t even been introduced yet. Everything moved so fast and out of nowhere you have feelings for this individual. You feel supported and they heighten your energy at the thought of seeing each other again. You’re not in love and you’re not infatuated. But you are feeling something. Yet you can’t pinpoint it. In just a matter of days you already know what they’re about to say next & an extensive amount of care appeared out of nowhere. Is there a title for this feeling? Or are you in denial of something else?

We, as people, were brought up to feel almost as if we need other people to feel secure and people we can depend on. Kind of sucks…in my opinion. There is something about being with someone who just makes your heart jump when you see them; someone who you can chill with and sex not always be an option; someone who you can argue with you, but still know that in the end, you will still have their voice to hear. There are a lot more things…like how some of the best moments with the person can be some of the most silent. Words don’t have to be said to feel like you are at ease with the person.

Eliminating bad choices: The art of mind-vs-heart is such an incredible power that it literally expands whatever it touches. When we’re faced with a challenge, obstacle or problem, our tendency is to nurture it. Our thinking process harbors the situation while our hearts…simply tells us different. We talk about it, but we don’t come to a solution. We describe it vividly, but are unable to recognize it when it’s in our face. We monitor its progress day by day, imagining how much it’s growing & how it’s effects are devastating every aspect of our lives. Yet we still allow it to. You know what we’re doing? We’re giving it more value than it’s worth. We’re settling due to our selfishness. Where do we find that strength to stop it before we hurt ourselves? As I type this, it dawns on me. It all makes perfect sense. I’m being tested by God. The highest of all high is testing me to see if I can truly make the right long-term decisions instead of just living for today. I simple adore being embraced, appreciated & loved for the woman I am. But what do you do when it’s all coming from the right person at the wrong time? I’ve grown to notice that the most beautiful things happens at the most inconvenient times in our lives. It gets to the point where you have to pick, choose and then eliminate one of those beautiful things. We can think, speak and bring the best possible outcome into existence by focusing on where we’re going, not on where we think we are. Think about it…how far can you go living for today instead of catering to your future happiness? Best things happens to those who wait huh? But what if you’re tired of waiting? What if, you end up having faith into the number one thing you don’t believe in? They say everything happens for a reason right? Well maybe this time, I think I’m going to go against the grain and just see what exactly is the reason why this is happening to me. I personally believe I was hand picked to endure questionable events. I always tell folks you’re strong, positive & faithful attitude will only bring you good. Nothing more, nothing less. When you entertain & focus on the problem, the problem will only get bigger. Funny how you end up doing the exact opposite of what you preach. Ah well, that’s life I guess huh?

With that being said, why are you signing a prenuptial agreement? I think that’s the most ridiculous thing to ever agree to. You’re pretty much stating that you both are planning for your marriage & divorce at the same time. And in the most utmost selfish way. The word “prenup” taints marriages. If you have to think twice about marriage, there is no reason to get married. How would you feel if you helped someone build their empire, support it for 10 years and have to walk away from it all with nothing just because they don’t want you anymore? That’s why before you decide to marry someone, you need to know that you are able to commit to that person for the remainder of your life. If you feel that insecure/negative about the woman you choose to marry, then you have no business marrying her. Marriage is about supporting each other for the rest of your life. Therefore, if you end that marriage before death, you are still owed that support.

Does anyone believe in having a soul mate anymore? Or do you think the term was created for us to always have hope with love once it fails? There were a few times I thought I found my soul mate, but I ended up being mistaken. I do know, however, that I haven’t met him yet. On the flipside of rushing into things, A lot of guys seem to be in the habit of “dating” for long periods of time (1-4 years) then suddenly deciding they do not want to marry “you” or be with “you” anymore. I don’t understand why people will waste that much time in a relationship just to have a companion. Ideally, I think you should know after 2 years if you want to marry someone or not. That’s my personal standard. 2 years is good enough time to know whether or not someone is the love of your life. Especially if you’re over the age of 25. At this point, you should know who you are, what you want and the type of mate you want to be with. Indeed, it’s very hard to look into someone eyes and just know for a fact that they’re the perfect match for you. That genuinely, they are the person you want to be with for the rest of your life. That your souls are bonded together. However, it shouldn’t take 5 years to realize such.

Calling someone your soul mate is just as strong as telling them you’re in love with them. May be even stronger than love. Can you see yourself marrying that person? Sharing all of yourself with this person? Bearing their children? Accepting all of their flaws & embracing them as unique gifts without penalizing them about it? If not, then they are not your soul mate. With the divorce rate spilling over 50% in America, it’s time that we stop, look & listen to our minds & hearts before making such hasty decisions. The only person we should marry is someone you can see yourself spending the rest of your life with.