chanel. » insecurity

kim k needs to disappear.

chanel — Wed, 21 Dec 2011 05:04:24 +0000

I’m not saying she needs to disappear in a harmful way, but the woman clearly needs help. The only way people will start adoring her again is if she just drop this “act”, and lay low for awhile. And when I say “awhile”, I mean at least a year. Stop the reality shows, stop the interviews, stop the blogging, just STOP. You can run a business(es) without being all in the media light, and she is also rich enough to take a year break. She’s still sitting on money from her sex tape 4 years ago.

I used to adore Kim Kardashian. Her hair, her style, her pretty face. But now, she’s completely gone. It seems like she’s trying way too hard to keep her name in everyone’s mouth. Shame on me for falling for the bait as well.

As I was gathering my thoughts to type this, it dawned on me. She has NPD (narcissistic personality disorder). Here are the details of the disorder:

¹Symptoms of this disorder include, but are not limited to:

Reacts to criticism with anger, shame, or humiliation
May take advantage of others to reach his or her own goal
Tend to exaggerate their own importance, achievements, and talents
Imagines unrealistic fantasies of success, beauty, power, intelligence, or romance
Requires constant attention and positive reinforcement from others
Easily becomes jealous
Lacks empathy and disregards the feelings of others
Obsessed with oneself
Mainly pursues selfish goals
Trouble keeping healthy relationships
Are easily hurt and rejected
Set unreal goals
Want “the best” of everything
Appear as tough-minded or unemotional

Narcissists also tend to be physically attractive on first impression, giving them advantages when first meeting people.

The symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder may seem similar to traits associated with strong self-esteem and confidence, but this is not the case. Narcissists have such an elevated sense of self-worth that they value themselves as inherently better than others. Yet, they have a fragile self-esteem and cannot handle criticism, instead putting other people down in order to validate themselves. People with healthy self-confidence do not have the same need to put themselves on a pedestal or to belittle others.

Narcissists also tend to be physically attractive on first impression, giving them advantages when first meeting people.

Check that out! While I don’t know this woman personally, the impression I’ve gotten from her the past 4 years of reality television, interviews and her own blog posts, this matches her personality exactly. This is why an already gorgeous woman felt the need to “enhance” looks to “look better”. She reminds me of those women with 36DDs saying that their boobs are too small. Or anorexic people looking in the mirror believing they are fat.

While I believe most of this family has some deep embedded issues, I think Kim is the first one that needs help. And sever medication.

¹ - Source: Wikipedia.

obsession.

chanel — Sat, 19 Mar 2011 21:33:55 +0000

People not being able to get over it: Why it seems as if the people that dislike you always find themselves most active in your life? They tell you (and others) all these things they don’t like about you, but still involve themselves in your surroundings. They observe how you carry yourself, who you hang out with, things you say and still complain about what you’re doing. Isn’t this like a form of stalking or an obsession? Then when you comment upon their actions, they have the nerve to tell you to “leave them alone”. Funny huh? I’m glad I became one of those people who sits around contentedly, ignoring how the people who dislike me behave. In any way possible they are crying for your attention. They want it. They need it. As much as they hate you, there’s something about you they yearn. If you dislike someone so much, then keep it moving. Why place yourself in their environment, just to complain about them more? I didn’t know an individual that’s not in your life can place so much affect into it. No matter how you look at it or try to downplay your actions, it’s still unhealthy. School, work, internet, church, club, bar…doesn’t matter. Unhealthy obsession. A healthy obsession would be focusing on solving a problem or focusing on something good. An unhealthy obsession is the constant focus of energy on something to the point that the obsession causes harmful consequences in your life (ie: emotions, negativity & etc.). They are both bad when they are to an extreme but to be persistent about something or someone that you don’t like is absurd. It’s a very annoying waste of time and if you don’t have control over yourself, to some degree, you will be ridiculed. Most of the time, obsessions come up when you’re trying to fill a sense of emptiness in your life. Thus the reason why when we disassociate ourselves from someone they tend to come around even more. I just don’t see the point in it all. If you’re not going to benefit from your actions why do it? If I hold no weight in your life, why concentrate so much in what I do? Why dislike me so much, yet, be so engulfed into what I am about? It makes no sense. Things I dislike the most I keep out of my sight and out of my mind. I don’t clutter my brain with extensive amounts of it.

If you spend more time figuring out your own life, instead of mine, you’ll be a much better person. Take the separation for what it is, and just step.¹

You can be jealous of someone for as long as you like. You can talk shit about them for as much as you like. You can try to break them down for as much as you like. At the end of the day, they will always have something that you don’t and they will continuing to strive to be better than you. So all of your weak attempts will go null and void, however, karma’s watching. Be careful of what you do to other people.

¹This blog is a throwback. Originally posted on June 1st 2009.

escaping the torture.

chanel — Sat, 27 Nov 2010 05:41:24 +0000

I’ve never been a victim of domestic violence, but I can imagine how hard is it for a woman to leave the situation. To be honest with you, I’m unable to advise you a way to leave if you’re caught up in a physically abusive relationship. These are dangerous situations and the best answers you can get are either from a counselor or a police officer. Personally, I would leave that man alone from the first moment he hit me. Fortunately enough for me (and him) I’ve never been hit by a man before. I can’t just imagine the consequences he would have been faced with it from my friends & family if they ever seen me with a black eye, caused by some dude. Here is a letter that Karrine “Superhead” Steffans wrote recently in reference to her current situation:

I’ve been a victim of abuse all my life –– literally, for as long as I can remember. It is my norm. Whereas most people would run in the other direction the moment someone physically, emotionally, or mentally abuses them –– I stay.

It’s a sickness and just when I think I am cured, the cancer spreads.

For the past several years, I have been involved in a highly abusive relationship. I have been choked, whipped with belts, thrown about, berated, belittled, raped, and disregarded as a human being. I have been abandoned and embarrassed, then, loved and coddled.

I have been caught in a vicious cycle and have left on many occasions, just to return.

I have found little support from my friends and family because I complain, and I cry, then I go back for more. I go back knowing that, one day, he’ll kill me but he’s all I have. He’s the only one who understands because he’s stuck in this cycle, too.

When I try to confide in friends they ask, “Well, what did you do to him? What did you say to him?” They tell me, “You know how he is, he’s never going to change, so why do you stay? You know what you’re getting into. Don’t tell anyone because he’ll come out looking good and you’ll only make yourself look bad.” It’s always my fault.

No one understands – not even me.

So, I keep it all to myself and it continues. Then, we make up and vow it will never happen again –– then it does and I feel so foolish for ever believing he can change or that we can change. Then, I begin to believe again. I believe even now.

I love him though it pains me to admit. It sickens me to know that I will return to him in an instant and that the next time could be the last time and that breath, my last breath. Still, I hold out hope that one day we’ll learn how to love one another without pain. I pray that those who look on with smirks and judgments know one thing –– domestic violence is very real and, at times, very final.

—Karrine Steffans‐McCrary

Now, while people want to judge her and suspect that this is a “publicity stunt” being that she has another book coming out, you may never know that this letter may help another woman who’s in dire need of some help.

If you, or someone you know, has been a victim of domestic violence, please contact the National Domestic Abuse Hotline at (800) 799-7233.

Informational Links:

What is Abuse?

Symptons Of Emotional Abuse

Verbal Abuse

Spousal Abuse

How To Run Away From An Abusive Home

Listings Of Articles About Abuse

catty.

chanel — Sat, 07 Aug 2010 00:59:09 +0000

Catty. Subtly cruel or malicious; spiteful. I swear at least 75% of the women today possess this unattractive trait. Why do women, adult established women at that, find themselves in strong competition with others? Why do they want to drown others in their bullshit of hate, jealousy and envy? They spend more time trying to convince people (especially men) how “ugly” or “stupid” an admired woman is more than trying to better themselves & produce more character & substance in their own lives. I sure you all know at least one woman that tries to find something negative in the next female. “Doesn’t she look great?” Catty Bitch #459 – “Yeah but she got a weave. Must be bald”. They always start with the “yeah but…”. Makes you just want to hock & spit across their forehead. This has such a great impact on me because it has happened to me before. For years by the same people. The flipside of it all is, I am 100% comfortable with giving another woman her props and leave it as that. So one would think the reason why it’s happening to you is because you have done it before correct? Please. Bitches will be bitches and if they’re an insecure jealous bitch, and you’re an attractive successful popular woman, they will be your problem for a long time. Yes I know we all are not perfect, but that doesn’t make it okay to capitalize someone’s “flaw”. The reason why I placed the word flaw in quotations is because characteristics that we may find as flaws, the next person will adore it and embrace it as something unique. So again I ask, why concentrate and spend so much of your time to convince that person otherwise? Is your self-esteem that low where you just have to focus that negativity on someone who’s getting what you’ve yearned for so long?

Men, you are not exempt. You guys are worse now as well! Gossiping, sitting around talking shit about women all day long, trying to find a way to get back at their ex. What ever happened to playing basketball, video games, chillin at the bar, then going home to spend time with a nice woman? Instead, these grown ass men prefer to sit on Facebook or Twitter all day long & tweet about how much they hate “bitches”. They prefer to go to the club and “pop bottles” (that cost about $150) with their male friends, yet, refuse to buy a young lady a $10 drink. “I’m not paying for none of these hos” but you’re paying for your boys every weekend? Yeah…that’s real hetero of you.

This day and age, as women, where it’s so hard to earn respect from or fellow men, we don’t also need the burden of the same sex following their lead. It’s bad enough that we are viewed and treated as objects or even worse, underestimated and ridiculed career wise. It is not my duty or responsibility to change the minds of other people. But it is my duty to ignore them and continue striving to be myself. Which succumbs them to become this catty person and be ignorant instead of brushing their teeth or something. They know, in our presence, others have an opportunity to learn about us and perhaps grow to love us. And they can’t stand that. What can be done to end this cycle? Nothing. Not a damn thing. Which is why ignoring ignorance is the best answer. No matter what you do or say, they will always find something to say about you. They’re just that damn miserable.

you’re the shit.

chanel — Mon, 19 Jul 2010 00:51:30 +0000

A positive, healthy sense of self-value and worth is the foundation of our happiness and success. When we know who we are and believe in what we represent, our greatest dreams are forever possible. When we doubt ourselves, question our worth and undermine our self value, those dreams and the victory of succeeding becomes worthless. Regardless the level of your esteem and security, always remember that you’re unique and you have a gift to offer. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. If they do, they are just jealous. Jealous because they wish they had what you have. More than likely, these same people will speak negative against you, when they don’t even know you. Especially if they never gotten the chance to know you and know what you’re about. Characteristics that they find as flaws, the next person will adore it. They will follow, monitor and even stalk you just so their miserable ass can nitpick for something out of the ordinary. Let them continue. It means nothing to you and neither do they. You have an unique quality within yourself that they are lacking and instead of acknowledging that quality and giving credit when it’s due, they try their best to convince themselves (and possibly others) that you are fake and commence to try bring you down. Keyword: try. I, for one, refuse to allow that to happen to me because I wake up everyday just knowing that I am the shit. No, I’m not conceited. No, I don’t think I’m better than you. No, I don’t think I’m prettier than you. Yes I am well aware of my flaws & imperfections. I am able to recognize that I have something valuable to give the world.

No matter how many people wish I didn’t have so many talents that make me the person that I am today, they will never dim my light that shines from within.

If you’re insecure or have low self-esteem, keep rehearsing that in your mind. Like I’ve stated before, what you may find “wrong” within yourself, there’s someone out there that will embrace that and love you for you. Never allow anyone or anything to limit your mind because of your race, color, gender expression, style of fashion, work experience, non-existent college degrees or body type. Take no shorts, cut down on the compromising and never settle for less. Believe in who we are and what we do. Look up to and trust ourselves to make it through the difficulties just knowing that we can. Only we can truly appreciate and celebrate our own success. Don’t do it for him, don’t do it for her. Don’t try to prove them wrong. Don’t worry about their negative opinion (unless it’s asked for). We’re all are equipped and capable of getting to where we want to be as long as we create a positive pattern of self-worth.

Continue to believe you’re the best because you are the best. And no one, I mean no one…. can tell you otherwise.

imperfections.

chanel — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 09:50:26 +0000

I promise I haven’t abandoned this blog. When time allows, I’ll post something soon. My birthday coming up soon (Feb 10th) and I need to figure out what ignorant shit I can get into this year. In the meantime, here’s an old poem I wrote a couple years ago.

imperfections.

9:42am…
her bags under her eyes, squints, as she opens them.
he’s already looking at her, analyzing.
he notices the hint of brown sugar in her pupils…
the glow in her skin, which ricochets off of her natural oils.
he wipes her left brow with his fingertips, admiring the unknown scar…
she yawns.
he reaches over and lays his head on her stomach.
he finds comfort within her warm pouch.
listening to her soul during the rise and fall of her breathing.
he sighs.
she exhales.
as he looks up, he begins to caress her body
noticing the fade in the tattoo on her chest
touches it gently, reading the name.
he kisses it, followed by a glance, making eye contact.
she smiles.
parting her lips to explain the tattoo, he presses his finger against it.
mmm. she can taste his desire.
he pulls her on top of him…
positioning her body to where they are at eye level
her lips meet his. he devours her, as he tastes her morning essence.
his hands lingers towards past her back & she slightly shivers….
he pulls he face back, gently licking her upper lip.
she digresses.
as they rise, he steps a few feet away from her
she hurries to follow behind his shadow.
he turns around, alarmed at her sudden movements
she looks at him, with fear in her eyes, like an innocent child…
and then realizes.
he then grabs her hands, that were previously covering her body…
and bring them down.
he speaks…
“I capitalize your imperfections because they make you perfectly unique.”
and with that, he walks away. leaving her standing there…
flawed.
alone.
naked.
confident.
she loves….

the best friend.

chanel — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 04:41:58 +0000

You decided to let me go, wanted to start “seeing other people”
and I cried for days.
I called you 10 times, trying to change your mind…
but you wouldn’t listen. You ignored my calls.
I guess it was for the best, since you always treated me less.
We argued for too long, and you stopped showing me attention.
Too many nights were spent alone, hugging my pillow.
I caught you too many times flirting with other women.
I found myself checking my phone, just to see if I have service
or if the ringer was off by accident.
No missed calls.
Damn…you really didn’t call.
You were supposed to come back, and tell me it was a mistake.
That you never meant what you said the night before.
That you love me
adore me
miss me
appreciated me.
Appreciation. Let’s talk about that for a moment.
When I changed my hair color, you didn’t notice it.
When I lost 10 pounds, you still complained that I needed to lose more weight.
When I graduated with honors, you felt I wasn’t smart enough.
When I got that raise, you suggested that I was sleeping with my boss.
And when I asked if you ever thought about marrying me…
you said I wasn’t good enough.
I should have left you then
I should have left you sooner than the night you left me.
But all that is done and over with.
I’ve moved on.
And now…2 months later…
you’re on me like white on rice.
All of a sudden, you’re noticing me.
Because I got my legs open…
for your best friend.
When they were closed
and I loved you with all my heart…
you called me thunder thighs.
Now your best friend can get enough of what’s inside these thighs.
Oh, you want to know why I’m fucking him? Sure…I’ll tell you…
it’s because he’s the next best thing to you.
He’s your best friend! That means you’re both alike, you talk alike and you even fuck alike.
But his dick is better.
And now, 2 months later…
now…
NOW…
you’re starting to pay me more attention.
You said that my hair color brings out my eyes more.
You said my ass looks great in these jeans.
You even showed up at my Summa Cum Laude celebration party.
Sent flowers to my job, sending me emails of wedding locations.
They all went ignored.
Please return to sender. With a little pink post-it note on them.
And it stated “I moved on to next. And he’s right beside you.”
When I was a classy little princess, I went unheard.
But now that I’m a tasteless whore, I’m irresistable.
You’re calling me worse names now. Even threatened his life.
It took me having an affair with your best friend
for you to realize how much you love me
but it’s too late now
my stomach’s starting to grow.
And I have no clue who the father is.
My my my, how my phone is ringing off the hook now…

“the best friend” written by chanel.

As you can see, there will always be consequences just when you think a person is gaining. The woman in that poem didn’t conquer. She failed miserably. She failed her morals, self-respect and her life by having sex with her ex-boyfriend’s best friend and bringing in a baby for all the wrong reasons. She was successful in so many ways but not with her relationships. No matter how you dress it up, it’s always wrong to get involved with someone one of your close friends, or family member, used to date. If any of my friends introduce me to a man that they say they have a “crush” on, I would never make any moves on him. Or allow him to do the same to me. It’s trifling and dirty. I am immediately turned off by him because I know how my friend feels about him. I will acknowledge the fact that he’s good looking, as approval, but that’s it. Personally, I don’t think it’s appropriate. So what if he made a pass at you? So what if she always bats her eyes at you and cries on your shoulder. So what if you were drunk. They are off limits. I feel people do things like this to achieve jealousy as a reaction. But little do you know, the friend you’re stabbing in the back will never trust you again. The ex usually ends up feeling betrayed and see you in a different light. Is your reputation worth all that? It’s bad enough you got your ex running around telling people about your relationship. So now he/she can add “slut” to that equation. Would you want your ex best-friend telling everyone “That bitch tried to fuck my man”?

I’ve experienced a friend (more than once) making inappropriate comments about a man I was interested in or went on a date with before. I’ll laughed it off but in the back of my mind, I got my eye on them. If I see a pattern, that’s when I will pull her to the side and tell her how I feel. I think most of us have experienced that. Where your friend’s intentions with someone you have interest in is questionable. I’m not sure what causes these things to happen. I can easily blame it on insecurity or their lack of class and self-respect. One thing I do know for sure is that may be a sign towards the beginning of a doomed friendship.

The only thing I can advise is to take heed and keep your eyes open. If the unthinkable actually do happen, you have all right to let that friend go.

stop sulking.

chanel — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 14:05:18 +0000

I have a friend who has the worse self-esteem I’ve ever encountered. Let’s just call her “Stacy”. We met actually through me dating her brother back in high school and she became part of our little “clique”. Since then, I’ve noticed her struggles with her image (she was slightly overweight), fitting in and being accepted. Often times, she’ll use her brother’s popularity to gain her own popularity. Then there were other times where she will act like a baby. Always want other people to do things for her and pamper her. I figured this was just a faze that eventually she’ll grow out of. Boy was I wrong.

“Stacy” and I lost contact with each other as the years went by, until she moved down here around the same time I did. We still didn’t contact each other until she was in need of assistance. So right there I felt like the only reason she called on me for help is because she had no one else to turn to. Not like she actually cared about me and how I’ve been doing. Nevertheless, I helped her out in any way that I can. She still used her brother’s name for fame & seemed even worse with her baby-like ways. During the time I helped her, she vented about how she has no friends, that she’s bored down here, she doesn’t know where to go to hang out, she can never find dates and blah blah blahhh. So, being that we have history & the outgoing person that I am, whenever I went out mingling, I invited her. Keyword = invited.

Trust me, I’m going somewhere with this….

Every time I invite “Stacy” out, she makes up this excuse as to why she can’t go. Since December, we have been out together a total 4 times. Yes, 4 times. The other 96 times I heard the outrageous excuses. Some of the invites and excuses are as follows:

1) I won tickets to a comedy show with a reserved table. An hour before it was time for me to pick her up, she said she dropped her car keys down the elevator chute. I reminded her that I was driving and she said her house keys were also attached to the car keys. Needless to say, I ended up staying up because it was too short notice to find someone else to go on a work night.
2) I signed us up for this adult gaming event where you can play games like Spades, Hungry Hungry Hippo, Monopoly and etc. with other people in a bar/lounge setting. It’s $10 for each person. The evening of the event, she suddenly had to babysit her niece. So I was assed out $20.
3) We had plans to go to a lounge on a Thursday night where I usually meet nice men at. She agreed to go with me on Monday & talked about it everyday that week. By time Thursday hits, she mysteriously “forgot” and took an enema that afternoon. :straight:

Honestly, I understand things may and can happen. But “Stacy’s” sad ass ain’t fooling me. The first couple of times she flaked out on me I was completely done with her and went a month not speaking to her. Then I felt bad and invited her back out. That time she came. Good. But then I noticed something that night. She’s always sulking or looking droopy whenever we hang out. Almost like she’s depressed. After that night when I asked her what was wrong with her, she then revealed to me that she’s uncomfortable going out because she feels fat, unattractive, and invisible. Especially next to me. What?!?! I kindly reminded her that regardless of what others think of you, or me, YOU have to think beautiful of yourself. Then she goes to say that all the men approach me and they don’t pay her no mind every time we go out and yadda yadda yadda. Are you kidding me? I gave her a little 2 hour prep talk and thought that I boosted her esteem enough to come back out with me. That turned out to be the night she took an “enema” and also the last time I spoke to her.

See, the moral of this story is, no matter how you look, you will be treated how you project yourself. I have seen the UGLIEST women get attention out in public. You want to know why? Because they exude confidence & strength. Regardless what they look like. They smile, laugh, give exceptional conversation and great body language. If you’re all slumped over with a scowl on your face, do you really think men will approach you? They’re going to see you for what you are representing. A miserable depressed being. How can you expect to have a fun, joyous life with people if you’re not out there trying to meet new people and enjoying yourself? Sitting at home all night sulking while your television watches you is not the answer. There have been times where I had no one to come out with me. And guess what? I took my little tail right out to those events, BY MYSELF, and sipped on my Hennessy (courtesy of man 1, 2 and 3) with my pinky finger in the air and was straight OWNING the place. You always need the one pinky finger in the air with an eyebrow raised. Fierceness in motion.

I haven’t spoke to “Stacy” since then because I got tired of her flaky ways. Plus she knows I have a child so she didn’t think once of being considerate towards that fact as well. Wasting my time & money. Need I remind you I was the one that always drove her out of courtesy because her money wasn’t always right. Friends don’t do that to each other. And I’m not guilty for letting her go. Weight off my back and fear off my shoulder having to worry if she’s going to flake out or not.