Insecurity | chanel.

kim k needs to disappear.

I’m not saying she needs to disappear in a harmful way, but the woman clearly needs help. The only way people will start adoring her again is if she just drop this “act”, and lay low for awhile. And when I say “awhile”, I mean at least a year. Stop the reality shows, stop the interviews, stop the blogging, just STOP. You can run a business(es) without being all in the media light, and she is also rich enough to take a year break. She’s still sitting on money from her sex tape 4 years ago.

I used to adore Kim Kardashian. Her hair, her style, her pretty face. But now, she’s completely gone. It seems like she’s trying way too hard to keep her name in everyone’s mouth. Shame on me for falling for the bait as well.

As I was gathering my thoughts to type this, it dawned on me. She has NPD (narcissistic personality disorder). Here are the details of the disorder:

¹Symptoms of this disorder include, but are not limited to:

Reacts to criticism with anger, shame, or humiliation
May take advantage of others to reach his or her own goal
Tend to exaggerate their own importance, achievements, and talents
Imagines unrealistic fantasies of success, beauty, power, intelligence, or romance
Requires constant attention and positive reinforcement from others
Easily becomes jealous
Lacks empathy and disregards the feelings of others
Obsessed with oneself
Mainly pursues selfish goals
Trouble keeping healthy relationships
Are easily hurt and rejected
Set unreal goals
Want “the best” of everything
Appear as tough-minded or unemotional

Narcissists also tend to be physically attractive on first impression, giving them advantages when first meeting people.

The symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder may seem similar to traits associated with strong self-esteem and confidence, but this is not the case. Narcissists have such an elevated sense of self-worth that they value themselves as inherently better than others. Yet, they have a fragile self-esteem and cannot handle criticism, instead putting other people down in order to validate themselves. People with healthy self-confidence do not have the same need to put themselves on a pedestal or to belittle others.

obsession.

People not being able to get over it: Why it seems as if the people that dislike you always find themselves most active in your life? They tell you (and others) all these things they don’t like about you, but still involve themselves in your surroundings. They observe how you carry yourself, who you hang out with, things you say and still complain about what you’re doing. Isn’t this like a form of stalking or an obsession? Then when you comment upon their actions, they have the nerve to tell you to “leave them alone”. Funny huh? I’m glad I became one of those people who sits around contentedly, ignoring how the people who dislike me behave. In any way possible they are crying for your attention. They want it. They need it. As much as they hate you, there’s something about you they yearn. If you dislike someone so much, then keep it moving. Why place yourself in their environment, just to complain about them more? I didn’t know an individual that’s not in your life can place so much affect into it. No matter how you look at it or try to downplay your actions, it’s still unhealthy. School, work, internet, church, club, bar…doesn’t matter. Unhealthy obsession. A healthy obsession would be focusing on solving a problem or focusing on something good. An unhealthy obsession is the constant focus of energy on something to the point that the obsession causes harmful consequences in your life (ie: emotions, negativity & etc.). They are both bad when they are to an extreme but to be persistent about something or someone that you don’t like is absurd. It’s a very annoying waste of time and if you don’t have control over yourself, to some degree, you will be ridiculed. Most of the time, obsessions come up when you’re trying to fill a sense of emptiness in your life. Thus the reason why when we disassociate ourselves from someone they tend to come around even more. I just don’t see the point in it all. If you’re not going to benefit from your actions why do it? If I hold no weight in your life, why concentrate so much in what I do? Why dislike me so much, yet, be so engulfed into what I am about? It makes no sense. Things I dislike the most I keep out of my sight and out of my mind. I don’t clutter my brain with extensive amounts of it.

If you spend more time figuring out your own life, instead of mine, you’ll be a much better person. Take the separation for what it is, and just step.¹

You can be jealous of someone for as long as you like. You can talk shit about them for as much as you like. You can try to break them down for as much as you like. At the end of the day, they will always have something that you don’t and they will continuing to strive to be better than you. So all of your weak attempts will go null and void, however, karma’s watching. Be careful of what you do to other people.

¹This blog is a throwback. Originally posted on June 1st 2009.

escaping the torture.

I’ve never been a victim of domestic violence, but I can imagine how hard is it for a woman to leave the situation. To be honest with you, I’m unable to advise you a way to leave if you’re caught up in a physically abusive relationship. These are dangerous situations and the best answers you can get are either from a counselor or a police officer. Personally, I would leave that man alone from the first moment he hit me. Fortunately enough for me (and him) I’ve never been hit by a man before. I can’t just imagine the consequences he would have been faced with it from my friends & family if they ever seen me with a black eye, caused by some dude. Here is a letter that Karrine “Superhead” Steffans wrote recently in reference to her current situation:

I’ve been a victim of abuse all my life –– literally, for as long as I can remember. It is my norm. Whereas most people would run in the other direction the moment someone physically, emotionally, or mentally abuses them –– I stay.

It’s a sickness and just when I think I am cured, the cancer spreads.

For the past several years, I have been involved in a highly abusive relationship. I have been choked, whipped with belts, thrown about, berated, belittled, raped, and disregarded as a human being. I have been abandoned and embarrassed, then, loved and coddled.

I have been caught in a vicious cycle and have left on many occasions, just to return.

I have found little support from my friends and family because I complain, and I cry, then I go back for more. I go back knowing that, one day, he’ll kill me but he’s all I have. He’s the only one who understands because he’s stuck in this cycle, too.

When I try to confide in friends they ask, “Well, what did you do to him? What did you say to him?” They tell me, “You know how he is, he’s never going to change, so why do you stay? You know what you’re getting into. Don’t tell anyone because he’ll come out looking good and you’ll only make yourself look bad.” It’s always my fault.

No one understands – not even me.

So, I keep it all to myself and it continues. Then, we make up and vow it will never happen again –– then it does and I feel so foolish for ever believing he can change or that we can change. Then, I begin to believe again. I believe even now.

I love him though it pains me to admit. It sickens me to know that I will return to him in an instant and that the next time could be the last time and that breath, my last breath. Still, I hold out hope that one day we’ll learn how to love one another without pain. I pray that those who look on with smirks and judgments know one thing –– domestic violence is very real and, at times, very final.

—Karrine Steffans‐McCrary

Now, while people want to judge her and suspect that this is a “publicity stunt” being that she has another book coming out, you may never know that this letter may help another woman who’s in dire need of some help.

If you, or someone you know, has been a victim of domestic violence, please contact the National Domestic Abuse Hotline at (800) 799-7233.

Informational Links:

What is Abuse?

Symptons Of Emotional Abuse

Verbal Abuse

Spousal Abuse

How To Run Away From An Abusive Home

Listings Of Articles About Abuse

catty.

Catty. Subtly cruel or malicious; spiteful. I swear at least 75% of the women today possess this unattractive trait. Why do women, adult established women at that, find themselves in strong competition with others? Why do they want to drown others in their bullshit of hate, jealousy and envy? They spend more time trying to convince people (especially men) how “ugly” or “stupid” an admired woman is more than trying to better themselves & produce more character & substance in their own lives. I sure you all know at least one woman that tries to find something negative in the next female. “Doesn’t she look great?” Catty Bitch #459 – “Yeah but she got a weave. Must be bald”. They always start with the “yeah but…”. Makes you just want to hock & spit across their forehead. This has such a great impact on me because it has happened to me before. For years by the same people. The flipside of it all is, I am 100% comfortable with giving another woman her props and leave it as that. So one would think the reason why it’s happening to you is because you have done it before correct? Please. Bitches will be bitches and if they’re an insecure jealous bitch, and you’re an attractive successful popular woman, they will be your problem for a long time. Yes I know we all are not perfect, but that doesn’t make it okay to capitalize someone’s “flaw”. The reason why I placed the word flaw in quotations is because characteristics that we may find as flaws, the next person will adore it and embrace it as something unique. So again I ask, why concentrate and spend so much of your time to convince that person otherwise? Is your self-esteem that low where you just have to focus that negativity on someone who’s getting what you’ve yearned for so long?

Men, you are not exempt. You guys are worse now as well! Gossiping, sitting around talking shit about women all day long, trying to find a way to get back at their ex. What ever happened to playing basketball, video games, chillin at the bar, then going home to spend time with a nice woman? Instead, these grown ass men prefer to sit on Facebook or Twitter all day long & tweet about how much they hate “bitches”. They prefer to go to the club and “pop bottles” (that cost about $150) with their male friends, yet, refuse to buy a young lady a $10 drink. “I’m not paying for none of these hos” but you’re paying for your boys every weekend? Yeah…that’s real hetero of you.

This day and age, as women, where it’s so hard to earn respect from or fellow men, we don’t also need the burden of the same sex following their lead. It’s bad enough that we are viewed and treated as objects or even worse, underestimated and ridiculed career wise. It is not my duty or responsibility to change the minds of other people. But it is my duty to ignore them and continue striving to be myself. Which succumbs them to become this catty person and be ignorant instead of brushing their teeth or something. They know, in our presence, others have an opportunity to learn about us and perhaps grow to love us. And they can’t stand that. What can be done to end this cycle? Nothing. Not a damn thing. Which is why ignoring ignorance is the best answer. No matter what you do or say, they will always find something to say about you. They’re just that damn miserable.

you’re the shit.

A positive, healthy sense of self-value and worth is the foundation of our happiness and success. When we know who we are and believe in what we represent, our greatest dreams are forever possible. When we doubt ourselves, question our worth and undermine our self value, those dreams and the victory of succeeding becomes worthless. Regardless the level of your esteem and security, always remember that you’re unique and you have a gift to offer. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. If they do, they are just jealous. Jealous because they wish they had what you have. More than likely, these same people will speak negative against you, when they don’t even know you. Especially if they never gotten the chance to know you and know what you’re about. Characteristics that they find as flaws, the next person will adore it. They will follow, monitor and even stalk you just so their miserable ass can nitpick for something out of the ordinary. Let them continue. It means nothing to you and neither do they. You have an unique quality within yourself that they are lacking and instead of acknowledging that quality and giving credit when it’s due, they try their best to convince themselves (and possibly others) that you are fake and commence to try bring you down. Keyword: try. I, for one, refuse to allow that to happen to me because I wake up everyday just knowing that I am the shit. No, I’m not conceited. No, I don’t think I’m better than you. No, I don’t think I’m prettier than you. Yes I am well aware of my flaws & imperfections. I am able to recognize that I have something valuable to give the world.

No matter how many people wish I didn’t have so many talents that make me the person that I am today, they will never dim my light that shines from within.

If you’re insecure or have low self-esteem, keep rehearsing that in your mind. Like I’ve stated before, what you may find “wrong” within yourself, there’s someone out there that will embrace that and love you for you. Never allow anyone or anything to limit your mind because of your race, color, gender expression, style of fashion, work experience, non-existent college degrees or body type. Take no shorts, cut down on the compromising and never settle for less. Believe in who we are and what we do. Look up to and trust ourselves to make it through the difficulties just knowing that we can. Only we can truly appreciate and celebrate our own success. Don’t do it for him, don’t do it for her. Don’t try to prove them wrong. Don’t worry about their negative opinion (unless it’s asked for). We’re all are equipped and capable of getting to where we want to be as long as we create a positive pattern of self-worth.

Continue to believe you’re the best because you are the best. And no one, I mean no one…. can tell you otherwise.

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My name is Chanel and I love pink, tattoos and hair weaves. Mother of one, engaged, web designer, loves my cat Princess & my shihtzu Romeo. “Accomplish everything without fear” is one of my favorites quotes. I am not affiliated with nor do I support the illuminati.

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kim k needs to disappear.

obsession.

¹This blog is a throwback. Originally posted on June 1st 2009.

escaping the torture.

catty.

you’re the shit.

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