Infidelity | chanel.

two-timing yourself.

We’ve all heard the same cliche and explanations on why some men cheat. “It’s in a man’s nature to cheat” or “All men are dogs” or “All men let their little head control their big head.” Adopting these empty, blanket statements will only disable us women from properly selecting a suitable man. We end up settling with a cheating man. During your years of finding & understanding love, you find yourself experimenting and doing things. You’ll even place yourself in compromising situations. Ever notice we wait until the absolute worst happens before we disassociate ourselves from a situation? Why wait that long? Do it from the moment you sense that things aren’t going to work out as planned. That’s how you learn right from wrong. I learned not to settle for less and you need to walk away from a situation before it becomes worse. I chose to walk. Yes, it hurts like hell. No, I will not go back.

Let me reflect on the females who repeatedly become “the other woman” and enjoy it though. You know the ones that are consistently chasing taken men. Thinking that they MUST be fly as hell because he’s willing to cheat on their wife for them. Please. This is caused by their self-esteem, or lack thereof. Deep down, they believe that they do not deserve more, that this was “all they could get”. So they took it. The “the other woman” don’t have to go through all the gripes (ie : bills, chores, family functions & etc). There’s only one positive thing from ever being “the other woman”. The emotional dependence, anxiety, insecurity and sense of abandonment that comes from being a mistress, can be a learning experience. You discover what you don’t want, and what you’re entitled to. Which is love, respect and honesty.

What about the women who stay with their cheating men? Why do they do that? Oftentimes, when a woman is with a cheating man, she automatically internalizes his infidelity, as if she could or should have done something about it. In many cases, when a woman finds out that her man is cheating, she starts asking herself “Where did I go wrong,” and “Why wasn’t I good enough for him?” I also hate the excuse that we (as women) out number men. Especially down here in Atlanta. Some shit about a 10 to 1 ratio? Well, that’s bullshit. Regardless of how many women that are out there, that is still no reason for you to go a pursue one of them when you have a good one at home. Here’s a tip = When a man cheats, 80 percent of the time it has nothing to do with you. You’ve grown to love him unconditionally. His family adores you. The sex is BOMB. You’ve adapted to his surroundings. You know him like a book. You’ve spent so much time and effort to make this relationship the way it is today. And you refuse to let all of that go to the “next bitch”. You will not throw away __ years so some other tramp can win what you worked so hard for. Right? So you stay with him. Believing that he’s your molded trophy & you can’t get no better. Assured that things will eventually work out. He has guaranteed that it was a mistake and it will never happen again. “We’re human and we’re entitled to our mistakes” he tells you and promises it was only a “one night fling”. He was drunk/stressed/lonely/unfocused/drugged/pressured/tempted. So, instead of calling the one that loves him, he decides to destroy the relationship for 38 minutes of random pussy. Placing himself, and you, at risk of unwanted pregnancy, STD’s and HIV.

Do you really believe that’s what love is about? No. I believe the real reason why certain women stay with their cheating men is insecurity. You’re scared to be alone and you don’t believe in yourself to believe that you can find another man. A better man at that. You may have full confidence in yourself but do you have confidence in what you deserve or can achieve? You think this man is going to be the only “close to perfect” man you’ll ever encounter? That’s because you’re thinking with a one track heart instead of thinking with your mind. Sure you love him but you do not have to be with him. Life goes on after a broken heart. From someone who’s experienced it before, I can promise you that. While you’re in the moment you’re going to feel like he’s the only one. You will never love someone like you love him right? WRONG. We develop the idea that we only have one true love. That’s not true. That’s caused by loving with our hearts and not with our heads. Under these conditions, if things do not go well, it has nothing to do with our hearts. It’s our poor choices that have caught up with us. The only thing we can do about a cheating man is leave him alone. And for the 32% that stays with that man and “work things out”…more power to you. Better you than me…

Thinking you can do something to stop a man from cheating is like thinking you can do something to stop it from raining outside. You can hope and wish that the rain will go away, but when it’s raining outside and you have no umbrella, you have two choices: go inside where it’s dry, or stay outside and get wet. And if you happen to encounter a cheating-type man, you have two choices: you can accept the infidelities and hope he stops lying, or you can move on to a better situation. You choose your destiny and you choose how you want to be loved. And frankly, love doesn’t involve betrayal.

This is a throwback post.

cheating yourself.

Being cheated on. How does it make you feel? It makes you feel like you’re not good enough. You start questioning yourself. You start feeling inferior. The confidence you had within yourself disappeared. You suddenly don’t feel attractive anymore. You try to figure out when and where did you go wrong. Should I forgive him? Am I to take her back? Was it really because he was drunk? Did I really chase her into someone else arms? When that confusion sets in, you feel like you’re in a maze of deceit and uncertainty.

There’s been this ongoing debate about infidelity and which one is worse: Being cheated on physically or being cheated on emotionally. I believe emotional infidelity is much worse than the physical. If you’re wondering what’s the difference I will tell you. Physical cheating is about sex, getting satisfaction from someone else touch, whether you’re kissing, hugging, being affectionate and of course…having sex. Emotional cheating is when you’re connecting to someone on an emotional level by spending time with them, having that mental attachment, and keeping in contact on a daily basis. Yes, I consider “getting to know someone better” by using an internet venue cheating as well. Those personal daily emails, text messages and instant messages with the opposite sex are inappropriate if you’re in a relationship. Meeting a person from the internet is also a major no-no. The time you possibly spent to get to know them better and then to prepare a time and date to go meet them? That’s crossing the line, even if it is just a “friend”. If that “friend” wasn’t there before the relationship, they shouldn’t be there now. Same thing goes for co-workers, church members, and the cashier at the supermarket. There’s no need to create more friends of the opposite sex. That’s the point of being in a relationship. That person is supposed to be your main source of satisfaction.

Point is, I strongly believe being cheated on emotionally is worse than physically. He had sex with her once and left her alone. It’s bad, but not as bad as him spending time with her, taking her out on dates, paying her bills and crying on her shoulder when things go bad. He’s living 2 lives and becoming more and more attached to this other woman. And all during this time, he’s not talking to you anymore, not spending time with the kids, always “working late” and haven’t had sex with you in 2 months. He’s respectfully saving himself for her. She may know about you, she may not. But more than likely, she doesn’t know about you. How can you mend a relationship after that? After knowing that your partner has started a new life with someone else? Once you find out (81% of men won’t admit to it, even after asking¹) how do you cope with it? Do you forgive him and move on or do you lay down the laws of betrayal and give him a 2nd chance?

There are times in our life where we cheat ourselves. Have you ever decided to do something different with your life, but end up defending those ideals? Then what usually happens next? You lose all of your motivation. You ever decided to not go for it at all? You were so excited about your new inner discovery and all it took was one person to knock those dreams out of existence. Isn’t it funny how impressionable we become at our most vulnerable moments? We let our guards down for 5 minutes and during those 5 minutes, we receive painful reminders of why we had our guards up in the first place. People tend to forget the main fact: We only have one life to live. It’s not like you’ll get another chance to do the things you dream of doing. So why hold yourself back due to the negative opinion of others? Let them say what they want to say. Let them believe what they want to believe. I need constructive criticism and some sort of background or history as to why someone wouldn’t support me in a decision. Ignorance is bliss. If I decide to go back to school to become a teacher because I love helping children and I have a passion in education, don’t grill me down about how teachers don’t get paid much and the economy is bad and blah blah blah. Did you NOT hear what I said? My priority is not how much I would make as a teacher but the impact I can provide towards our children & their education. When I express my goals to you, I am seeking support, not backlash. Close minded people usually act this way. But most of all, it usually comes from someone who’s envious of you. Instead of praising your accomplishments and goals, they want to shit all over your parade to make you feel as low as they do.

Don’t cheat yourself out of your dreams.

Source: ¹Men Who Cheat

two-timing yourself.

cheating yourself.

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