me, at 6 years old.

Back when things were so simple. Didn’t have to fight traffic to get to work. Didn’t have to worry about paying your bills on time. Didn’t have to worry about a broken heart. All you wanted was your Mommy, or Daddy, to bring home the new Nintendo game. *Sigh*…the things we took for granted…

Everything that we experience, everything we think, feel and do is in divine order and if it’s in a path to do someone wrong, karma will catch up with you. Life is fabulous. I refuse to allow anything or anyone shit on my parade. I wish I would allow any sort of drama, stress, disappointments and betrayal get the best of me anymore. I can’t stop it from happening because that’s just how life is and sometimes we have to struggle through that, however, I can stop it from derailing my natural being. My power of ignoring comes very handy at this point. But sometimes you tend to wonder why certain things happen. Why people can’t just think before they apply action. Do they know that unless you can benefit from it in the future, whatever they think, say or do to you will only make them look stupid? Me? I can give a remote fuck what’s being said about me amongst juvenile individuals because they serve no purpose in my life. While all these games, charades & senseless rumors are going on there’s a strong being called reality that you have no clue about. And while you’re suffering from the lack of reality, everyone else around you are climbing to higher levels. My reality does not involve any of you. I don’t do things in life to impress anyone but myself. I don’t go through great lengths just to prove anyone wrong. That’s for young minded people with low self-esteem and insecurity problems.

As an adult with 29 years of knowledge, I refuse to carry myself as a predictable woman with no standards or morals. I have enough experience to know why things happen and why people act the way they do. I’m not even going to ponder on why certain things happen. I already know the answer to that and it’s very very sad. But in general, they happen because they are meant to strengthen our ability to handle anyone & anything at any given moment. It happens to put you right back on track on who, when and what to trust. Everything that you go through happen the way they should, at the right time, to the right people, and ended the right way. The only job we have, is to know we are equipped to handle it. I know I’m equipped to handle just about anything because I am strong minded, experienced enough, independent, assertive and realistic.

Are you?

Random Thoughts:

1 – Annoyance. Please tell me who was the super-size geek that created the robot phone operator? This has got to be the most annoying invention of mankind. You call your cellphone company & the first 17 minutes is spent yelling into the phone & you haven’t even reached a rep yet. Why am I fighting with a prerecorded voice? You are literally arguing with a machine that you said BILLING and not SALES. No matter how many times I say “operator”, the stupid bitch keep saying “Okay, before I connect you, please tell me what is the problem?”. The problem is YOU, for pete’s sake. I always end up yelling “CUSTOMER SERVICE!” or vigorously pressing “0″ so I can get a live operator. When will these companies realize it’s much more annoying and time consuming than keying in the options through your phone?

2 – Gross. Do I really want a man to refer to me as a “Bust It Baby”? Ya’ll do know the song is about being a woman with extraordinary carnal abilities. No thanks. I already know I’m good. I’d like to be remembered and referred to for my fantastic yarning skills.

3 – Redundancy. Why send me a message on Myspace, asking me the same questions I’ve answered all over my page? You send a friend request, I accept you, then you go back to my page, just to send me a message to ask “Where are you from?” or “How old are you?”. That tells me that all you did was look at my pictures.

4 – Speaking of Myspace, if you don’t have an actual contract, you’re not a model or a recording artist. Spare me with your jobless ass.

5 – Racists. Please don’t take your hostility out on me because Obama won. I didn’t take my hostility out of you when all of the other 43 presidents won.

6 – Please keep your bad ass children at home. I refuse to feast at PF Changs next to a 4 year old crying over not having mayonaisse.

7 -  Now that gas is finally back to $1.90, what are you going to do with the extra $50 you saved on filling your tank?

8 – When did not being a gentleman became cool?

9 – Excuse me miss, but why are you the one pumping gas when there’s a grown ass man in your passenger seat?

10 – You don’t have to like it. Because there’s someone out there who loves it. Remember that.

Stop blaming everyone else for your current condition & take full responsibility for yourself. “My father was a deadbeat dad, that’s why I don’t take care of my kids.” “I was abused as a child so beating my kids is the only thing I know.” “Alcholism runs in my family.” People choose to be who they are. All of these poor excuses/justifications you’re making for your wrong doings is only making you appear more weak minded. You don’t choose your family because you’re born into them, however, you make the decisions in who you friends are because that’s the privilege we have. Correct? So why can’t you apply those same decision making aspects into the way you lead your life? Just because you were exposed to alcohol usage, that doesn’t mean it’s okay for you to become an alcoholic. Just because your father physically abused your mother, doesn’t mean you should ever fall prey to hit a woman. I don’t care what you’ve been through. We have been going through life long enough to learn not to make excuses for our faulty ways. How do you expect to grow if we’re unable to learn from our past? From what we’ve been exposed to? If I continue to blame everyone for where I’ve been, isn’t is just as fair for me to blame myself for where I go? We have a reason to be vulnerable or even angry about our history, but there’s no reason for us to remain where we are. There’s no reason to aimlessly try to follow the footsteps of someone’s erroneous behavior.

You’re the only person responsible for your happiness. One of our main goals in life is to not be dependent on someone else. To take strides within our own paths in a route that we’ve created, on our own, as the years have gone by. Why let someone’s conditions place a restriction in your path or on who you are? Yes I understand we’re influenced by at least one person in our lives, but that doesn’t mean it’s okay to clone their behavior & follow in their negative footsteps. If my mother’s greatest attribute is always giving a helping hand, yet, her least appealing attribute is her addiction to drugs, which one you think is best to pick up? With that being said, spare me the drama and the tear sheds of whoever, whenever, why ever such & such made you act the way you do. All that tells me is that you’re more weak minded than I thought. Mature people with strong minds gives no excuses for their actions. They embrace their shortcomings and if it affects others, they will try their best to fix it. Stop giving the word “influence” so much power. Influence means “To affect the nature, development, or condition of.” Looks to me, it can work both ways. Positive & negative. Yet, you chose the negative (otherwise known as the meek) route. Too many times I’ve heard people blame their upbringing or experiences on why they treat others a certain way. It’s always because of their mom, dad, ex-girlfriend, ex-boyfriend, what one of their friends said & etc. I mean, I’m getting so tired of these lame excuses. I really don’t care what you’ve been through to be honest. Granted, scars don’t heal but they are not meant to be the blue print of the rest of your experiences in life.

As long as you find someone else to blame for anything you are doing, you cannot be held accountable or responsible for your growth or the lack of it.

Sun Bear

Most of you fathers have a fucked up perception of what fatherhood is about. In order to be a true father, you need to be present. You need to spend time with your child and get to know them. There’s a big difference between talking to your child and getting to know your child. You should be able to know within a heartbeat what flavor ice cream they like and why they don’t like going to Math class. Buying nice things are temporary satisfactions to children. You can buy a Barbie doll today, and your daughter will forget about it by next weekend. However, if you spent the day with her, and only her, that gift will last a lifetime. It becomes a memory and you can never throw those away, nor will they expire. This is why you need to get your act together now, before it’s too late. Don’t allow your child to form a negative opinion about you. Once that crosses their mind, it’ll take years for their perception of you to be replaced with something good. So what if you don’t like your child’s mother anymore. So what if she’s crazy. Has these reasons ever stopped you from having sex with her? So why they stop you from embracing a human being that the both of you created? A part of you? There are ways to still nurture and raise your child without having to deal with the drama. Mature adults are capable to put their differences aside and come together as parents to do what’s best for their children. Regardless what differences they may have within each other. The child should not be punished due to that.

We, mothers, are sacrificing ourselves more these days. And not just financially. Our entire livelihood as changed because we are the sole providers for our children. We’re the ones who has to wake up at 5am, Monday through Friday. Not only to get ourselves ready for work, but to prepare our kids for school. Then once the work day is over, we’re the ones who has to come home, help them with homework, provide dinner on the table, and talk to them about any concerns or issues they have for the day. It’s 8pm by time you realize it. Let’s not forget that we do not have the luxury to come and go as we please. A child is like a purse. You cannot leave home without bringing it with you. With that being said, we have to turn down more party invites, dates, house guests, the way we speak, who we speak to, the way we look, our goals, our future….our entire way of living. This is a life long sacrifice that 2 people are supposed to make. Not just one. Now with that being said, do you really think by just sliding us a few hundred dollars per month is going to compensate and fulfill your role as a parent? All you’re giving up is a couple of dollars. We’re giving up that and also ourselves. Let’s try to flip it a bit to see if you can a better sense of what I’m talking about. How would you feel if you were craving attention, affection, love and commitment from a woman who claims she loves you but instead of giving you that, she slides you $200 per month, while patting herself on the back as if she’s the perfect girlfriend. Along with the $200, she’s only came to see you twice. Has she met your needs? Is that good enough to have a faithful long-lasting relationship? Wouldn’t you seek elsewhere to fill in that void?

This is not about me, it’s not about you, it’s not about us. It’s about our sons. It’s about our daughters. Our children. Let’s get over ourselves and focus more on the innocent. Because surely, it’s not their fault. If we do this more, there will be less single mothers struggling, there will be less disharmony in our communities, there will be better & stronger relationships and marriages will last 50 years like our great-grandparents. The cycle will be broken once a change is made.

We need fathers to realize that responsibility does not end at conception. We need them to realize that what makes you a man is not the ability to have a child – it’s the courage to raise one. We need to help all the mothers out there who are raising these kids by themselves; the mothers who drop them off at school, go to work, pick up them up in the afternoon, work another shift, get dinner, make lunches, pay the bills, fix the house, and all the other things it takes both parents to do. So many of these women are doing a heroic job, but they need support. They need another parent. Their children need another parent. That’s what keeps their foundation strong. It’s what keeps the foundation of our country strong.

The first is setting an example of excellence for our children – because if we want to set high expectations for them, we’ve got to set high expectations for ourselves. It’s great if you have a job; it’s even better if you have a college degree. It’s a wonderful thing if you are married and living in a home with your children, but don’t just sit in the house and watch “SportsCenter” all weekend long. That’s why so many children are growing up in front of the television. As fathers and parents, we’ve got to spend more time with them, and help them with their homework, and replace the video game or the remote control with a book once in awhile. That’s how we build that foundation.

Hurry up and make some changes men. Because soon, your child will be calling someone else “daddy“, if they even call you that. Why would you want another man to take credit for something so beautiful, that you helped created?