Did you know the greatest gift you will ever receive in life is when the exact replica of you is born? How can you look into the eyes of a child and never look back? 70% of black mothers are single parents. 70 percent. I’m not sure what is instilled in our men, (especially black men), but it’s time now for everyone to try to make a change. So what if your father wasn’t around. That should be the sole purpose, and motivation, for you to be there for your own child because you have full blown experience in how that feels. Women, please be careful and take heed in who you are choosing to father your child. I know there are situations where unfortunately, you have no clue the man is a deadbeat until AFTER you have the child but guess what…most times…we get those signs. Do not ignore these signs. Set your standards high when you choose who should father your child. You will have to deal with this person for the rest of your life. Whether he’s there not.

Most of you fathers have a fucked up perception of what fatherhood is about. In order to be a true father, you need to be present. You need to spend time with your child and get to know them. There’s a big difference between talking to your child and getting to know your child. You should be able to know within a heartbeat what flavor ice cream they like and why they don’t like going to Math class. Buying nice things are temporary satisfactions to children. You can buy a Barbie doll today, and your daughter will forget about it by next weekend. However, if you spent the day with her, and only her, that gift will last a lifetime. It becomes a memory and you can never throw those away, nor will they expire. This is why you need to get your act together now, before it’s too late. Don’t allow your child to form a negative opinion about you. Once that crosses their mind, it’ll take years for their perception of you to be replaced with something good. So what if you don’t like your child’s mother anymore. So what if she’s crazy. Has these reasons ever stopped you from having sex with her? So why they stop you from embracing a human being that the both of you created? A part of you? There are ways to still nurture and raise your child without having to deal with the drama. Mature adults are capable to put their differences aside and come together as parents to do what’s best for their children. Regardless what differences they may have within each other. The child should not be punished due to that.

We, mothers, are sacrificing ourselves more these days. And not just financially. Our entire livelihood as changed because we are the sole providers for our children. We’re the ones who has to wake up at 5am, Monday through Friday. Not only to get ourselves ready for work, but to prepare our kids for school. Then once the work day is over, we’re the ones who has to come home, help them with homework, provide dinner on the table, and talk to them about any concerns or issues they have for the day. It’s 8pm by time you realize it. Let’s not forget that we do not have the luxury to come and go as we please. A child is like a purse. You cannot leave home without bringing it with you. With that being said, we have to turn down more party invites, dates, house guests, the way we speak, who we speak to, the way we look, our goals, our future….our entire way of living. This is a life long sacrifice that 2 people are supposed to make. Not just one. Now with that being said, do you really think by just sliding us a few hundred dollars per month is going to compensate and fulfill your role as a parent? All you’re giving up is a couple of dollars. We’re giving up that and also ourselves. Let’s try to flip it a bit to see if you can a better sense of what I’m talking about. How would you feel if you were craving attention, affection, love and commitment from a woman who claims she loves you but instead of giving you that, she slides you $200 per month, while patting herself on the back as if she’s the perfect girlfriend. Along with the $200, she’s only came to see you twice. Has she met your needs? Is that good enough to have a faithful long-lasting relationship? Wouldn’t you seek elsewhere to fill in that void?

This is not about me, it’s not about you, it’s not about us. It’s about our sons. It’s about our daughters. Our children. Let’s get over ourselves and focus more on the innocent. Because surely, it’s not their fault. If we do this more, there will be less single mothers struggling, there will be less disharmony in our communities, there will be better & stronger relationships and marriages will last 50 years like our great-grandparents. The cycle will be broken once a change is made.

We need fathers to realize that responsibility does not end at conception. We need them to realize that what makes you a man is not the ability to have a child – it’s the courage to raise one. We need to help all the mothers out there who are raising these kids by themselves; the mothers who drop them off at school, go to work, pick up them up in the afternoon, work another shift, get dinner, make lunches, pay the bills, fix the house, and all the other things it takes both parents to do. So many of these women are doing a heroic job, but they need support. They need another parent. Their children need another parent. That’s what keeps their foundation strong. It’s what keeps the foundation of our country strong.

The first is setting an example of excellence for our children – because if we want to set high expectations for them, we’ve got to set high expectations for ourselves. It’s great if you have a job; it’s even better if you have a college degree. It’s a wonderful thing if you are married and living in a home with your children, but don’t just sit in the house and watch “SportsCenter” all weekend long. That’s why so many children are growing up in front of the television. As fathers and parents, we’ve got to spend more time with them, and help them with their homework, and replace the video game or the remote control with a book once in awhile. That’s how we build that foundation.

Hurry up and make some changes men. Because soon, your child will be calling someone else “daddy“, if they even call you that. Why would you want another man to take credit for something so beautiful, that you helped created?