I used to wonder what have I done to make you not want to be in my life during my adolescent years. I thought maybe it was my behavior in school. However, I was always in the smartest class in every grade. Then I thought maybe it’s because I was born in America and didn’t pick up on a lot of the Jamaican traits and habits. However, all of your friends were American and you dated a lot of American men. My earliest memory of anyone in my life is my grandmother. When she was teaching me how to ride a tricycle. You were never around. You always lived “somewhere else”. Whether it was 5 miles away, or in another country. You was never there. You were never there for me. You’re a dead beat mom. How is that even possible! You blame your absence on my grandmother “taking me away from you”. How is that possible without it being appointed by a judge? How does one allow their own mother to take away their child “just because”? And if that was the case, how come you never fought for me?

I’m glad you didn’t fight for me.

Because of your absence, I am strong. Because of your absence, I am able to respect my grandmother (who I call Mommy) more for all that she’s done for me. Because of your absence, I’ve learned how to raise my daughter. I just did the complete opposite of what you’ve done.

I’ve never respected you. If anything, I’ve felt sorry for you. Every time you come to America with your sob story on how you want to just start your life over again, you suck everything out of me. I give you clothes, I buy you things, I feed you, shit…I feel like I’M your mother! A few years ago I washed my hands off you. I swore that I would never help you out again. But here comes 2012 with your sob stories on how your husband gave you a black eye. That’s why I tried so hard to help you this year. I paid for your ticket to come from Jamaica so you can get away from the verbal/physical abuse and start over here in the U.S. Here we are, 2 months later, and you’re packing your things to go back to Jamaica to be with the cheater beater husband of yours. I literally took care of you for 2 whole months and you had the audacity to catch an attitude with me because I didn’t buy you something to eat tonight. I’m the only one out of everyone in our family that gave a shit about you. Not anymore. I’m tired of it. I’m tired of you.