Emotions | chanel.

where do i go?

July 13, 2009
6 Comments
reality, thoughts
difficult situations, emotions, reality, thoughts

It’s hard to find someone that will listen to my own issues. When you become a reliable source, people don’t want to hear about your own problems when you’ve become the person that “comforts”. I’ve been told that I know just what to say & exactly what to do to turn the worst situation into a conquerable challenge. I mean shit, almost everyone in my life calls on me when it comes down to resolving their issues. I guess because I’m strong. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but since I’m so strong, where do I go? Who do I lean on? Where do I go when I’m not feeling so strong anymore? Take my site for instance. I probably get 5 emails per day filled with other people’s problems. And not simple stuff like “What should I do about my whopping cough”, but about deep embedded issues like family problems, parental tips and survival tactics for your emotions. Sometimes I feel pressured. Then other times I feel real funky and want to say “Why are they asking me?…Shit I got my own problems”. I’m not God (newsflash) so I don’t have all the right answers. Sorry. The only thing I’m capable of doing is speaking for myself on how I would handle myself in the particular situation. There was a time where I would take the weight of the world on my shoulders and then I eventually broke down. Those same people that scrambled to me for help weren’t even there. They were full of excuses to why they can’t help me. I could have gave you the cold shoulder as well when you ran to me all those times but I didn’t. I was there for you. Even if I wanted to turn my back on you…I couldn’t. But it seems as if I’m still waiting on the returned favor. Am I being tacky or am I being fair? I do for you therefore you do for me correct? Obviously that’s not the reason why I’m doing it but damn…can a bitch have some redemption? Why I’m always the one left hanging? Alone…

Those people aren’t in my life anymore but it still hurts just thinking about how they turned their backs on me. I don’t do things like that myself because I treat my loved ones as I want to be treated. I’m also very grateful for those experiences. Through those events, I have learned so many new things. So much about myself. From my loved ones, strangers, from experimenting and by just minding my business. Every new situation that I face in life, takes me further away from the negative aspects of my past. Some are painful reminders makes me believe I shouldn’t take chances. I shouldn’t take risks. But, like an embryo, we must go through changes in order to become whole, healthy and complete. We’re going to feel alone, confused or frightened during the process but it’s all good. The outcome of it all is well worth the struggle. In reality, we all are growing, developing, evolving. Go out there and be carefree especially when you’re trying to achieve your goals. Break the limits. Pass the borders. Color outside of the line. That’s how we’re suppose to live life. Some mornings you may wake up feeling good, ready to go out and take on the world and “be” a great day. But on other days, we wake up to total darkness that makes the whole world seem depressing. On those days remember the words I stated and just live your life. You only get one so why waste it on anything that leads towards the negative? Don’t do as you please because it’s your day off. Do as you please everyday.

Always remember that we are given just one life to live. So why should anyone treat it as if you get a second time around?

Edit: We have a new addition to the family! I had to give up my old cat Diva due to health issues last month so I adopted a 2 month old kitten yesterday. We named him Prince because he’s fierce, just like Prince, lol (Nevermind, his name is Tigger now, lol. That’s what she wants to name him) Nevermind again, now she wants it to be Prince, ugh! My daughter is so happy. We’re so happy.

prince

revolving.

June 24, 2009
3 Comments
reality, thoughts
emotions, negativity, obstacles, strength

The only way to get to where you want to be is to do what needs to be done….by all means necessary. I believe in fate. I believe we create fate. I don’t believe in predetermined destiny and I definitely don’t believe in letting someone else make my decisions. I believe that anything I set my sights on can be accomplished. I believe in staying strong and staying true to myself. There are so many secret ways in the world to find out who we truly are. Everything that we experience, everything we think, feel and do is in an intricate order. It’s part of the emotional flow that helps us discover who we are. If our thoughts and emotions didn’t play out towards our actions, how else would we see who we are? If our thoughts and emotions didn’t play out towards your actions, how else would I see who you are? The world isn’t happening to us. We’re happening to it. We’re molding it, shaping it, creating the good and the bad that occurs in our life. And like clockwork, we’ll get tired of what we’re doing & will strive to do something else. As usual, we will always move on. Traditionally, I started 2009 with a new beginning for my life. I’m not going to lie, it’s not turning out to be a great year for me. For some odd reason, every time I move froward, something else tries to pull me back. I’m not sure if this supposed to be a “sign” that I need to do some reevaluating, but I’ve already starting making some changes in my life. They’re not major changes, however, I know what needs to be done. I need to eliminate some more people, be careful of who I trust & whom I allow to get close to me.

When we get tired of hate, envy & jealousy, we will stop showing it attention. When we get tired of injustice, we’ll stop judging each other. Ladies, when we get tired of our men disrespecting us, trying to deplete our morale, pulling the wool over our eyes, we will stop compromising and set higher standards for ourselves. Men, when you get tired of being put down, discriminated against and used, you will stop placing blame on society & place that strength towards your dignity. No one can make you, but they can sure break you. But don’t give them that power of destruction. You are better than that. Most of us don’t know what we cannot do until someone tells us. We’re reminded of how dangerous it may be, how ridiculous it sounds, what a chance we’re talking. They give us warnings, cautions & “helpful hints” about alternative things we can do instead. When they’re finished, what just happened? We have been effectively talked right out of our dreams. We settled for less. This is why it’s imperative to have a strong overlook at your success in anything you try to achieve. No matter what people say, you will try your best. And let’s just say you do happen to fail, you were still given a chance to discover your strengths, your weaknesses, your passions and yourself in that journey. No one can take from you. No one.

If you were subscribed to my blog before, please resubscribe below. For some odd reason, when I did the WordPress upgrade, it deleted all of my subscribers. I apologize for the inconvenience.

boost your confidence.

April 26, 2009
8 Comments
reality
aspiration, confidence, emotions, reality

One of the best kept secrets in life is your confidence. However, somebody, somewhere tricked you into believing you’re not good enough. They told you that there were certain things you could not do because of who you were, who you’re trying to be, and who you are. Someone else told you that only certain people could do or be the very thing you wanted to be and you did not fit the bill (ie: successful lawyer, famous actor, a great girlfriend, a good father, etc.). You presented yourself & your goals to them and they turned you down and made you feel like you were not one of those people that can achieve those things. With a sleight-of-hand manipulation of facts, someone made you think you didn’t have what it takes, so they took it. Someone told you that you were slow, or lazy; too fat, too skinny; too loud; too quiet; or just flat out not good enough. How dare they? And you believed that? They done tricked you into believing what they wanted you to believe. They knew who you were and knew you had no idea…….no idea that you could have placed a stop to everyone (or one individual) from convincing you that you’re just not good enough. You know better than that.

Where’s your confidence? Your esteem? Your security? You gonna let them tell you what you’re capable of doing and achieving? I’m going to go ahead and guess that these same people are jealous of you. Filled with envy due to the fact that they were unable to fulfill their desires. So instead of encouraging someone else who has that chance or aspiration, they try their best to destroy the dream. Regardless of what anyone says, each of us brings to the world unique talents, gifts and abilities. Even if you don’t know what it is, or value what you do, someone, somewhere, will benefit from your presence. No one can do what you do exactly the way you do it. So if she tells you you’re not good enough for her because of your “flaws” so be it. If he tells you that you’re not “glamorous” enough for him, oh the fuck well. Always remember and never forget, you are just as unique and as valuable as the other. Confidence is all about knowing what you’re worth naturally. You don’t need a man/woman “reassuring” you everyday to feel like you’re worth it. Never allow anyone or anything to limit your mind because of your race, color, gender expression, style, fashion taste, work experience, non-existent college degrees or body type. Trust me…you’re not missing out on anything. It’s their loss. Not yours. When you do what you do, exactly the way you do it, someone will adore you just for that. Without reading all the fine print.

Get a mirror, smile and commence being what you are. Who cares what people think? They’re all are jealous anyway. Please know that if you’re that effective towards the world without even saying a word then know that you are phenomenal. Do not acknowledge the negativity. Enforce it into something positive and realize you are that important to even be thought about. In any way. Therefore you just learned one new thing about yourself. It’s much more rewarding to carry yourself with class, grace, & style when so much negativity is thrown your way. Turn your nose up and just keep it moving. You know who you are. You know what you represent. You know what your life entails. You are untouchable. And just by knowing…you become invincibly confident.

for the record.

April 7, 2009
13 Comments
drama elimination, thoughts
drama elimination, emotions, karma, reality, thoughts

If I didn’t make it clear before, then I’m going to make it clear now. I have no tolerance for people who want to half ass their way into my life. Nor my heart. It’s very disheartening when you give someone the chance of a lifetime, then they go screw it all up with one word. One action. Or even no action at all. You can’t sit there and tell me that you’ve “changed” when your actions and intentions are a mirror reflection of how you were when I first met you.

I once was confused beyond natural belief and I had no clue what to do about a particular person in my life and our situation. The anger I had built up scared me. That anger became buried in my own emotional battles and I forgot about it. Years later, I rationalized I became forgiving. But just when you thought it was safe, I was disappointed again. Now, I can feel the frustration, anger and resentment that I had for that individual trying to reappear once again. However, my lack of interest in their actions started disappearing. It’s amazing how relieved you feel when you start to care much less than before. The one thing that keeps me faithful is the fact that karma is a bitch. Not for nothing, I wish things can be different and I have put all of my pride aside to make things better. But if you’re unable to meet me in the middle, nor even showing me that you are even giving a fuck, I wash my hands off of you faster than I switch my weaves. I forgave you. Over and over again. I let you back in. I had faith in you. I prayed for you. Now I gave up on you and have released you from my heart. The best thing is, I don’t even need you. You thought I did. You thought we did. Nevertheless, you thought wrong.

I’m tired of people claiming they can’t change. How many times have you heard someone say, “That’s just the way I am”, or “I can’t change”. How about, “This is me, take it or leave it.” Oh, how we fight soooo hard to hold on to what limits us. Don’t we realize, if our way worked, it would be working? Can’t we see that holding on to what “I am” keeps us from realizing who we really are? It is natural to resist change. Shit, I’ve resisted it plenty of times. But it is insane to fight against it. For some reason we believe if we have to change, there must be something wrong with the way we are. The issue is not right or wrong. The issue is working or not working. Everything must change. The best can always get better. When we make minor adjustments as we see they are needed, we save time and the expense of a major overhaul.

I’m an avid believer in karma. That’s why I close my eyes at the thought of revenge. I walk away from drama and potential issues because frankly, I don’t have the energy nor the time to entertain it. If something or someone is creating an uncomfortable environment in your life, guess what?…you can stop it. The life you have belongs to you only. So don’t depend on the next individual to make that change for you. To make things better for you. To help you. To nurture you. To provide for you. To love you. You must first do these for yourself from within. Muster the courage and the strength to stop it all. Pause for a minute and listen to what you are telling yourself. Heal from the lies you’ve told yourself and the ones that have been told to you. You can make it on your own. You can find peace and happiness out of being alone. You can make a million dollars by investing one penny into something you truly love & have passion for. With all these great things you can do for yourself on our own, why would you allow stress to bring you down? Everyone gets stressed out. Some cases it’s worse than yours. While you sit there and worry about how you’re going to pay the rent this month, there is someone else just like you who is wondering how are they going to survive living in the streets this summer. Be grateful for what you have, what you have earned & for survivng through it all to still be alive today to speak upon it. While you think your current life may not be luxurious, serene & admirable, someone else is out there just wishing they could change places with you.

I’ll be damned if I allow a parasite lower my property value.

you.

Everyone’s walking around me, but I can’t move. My soul is on fire, glowing with the heat from your words. The apprehension paralyzes me. The sound of your voice, chilling to my bare skin yet at the same time, soothing these goose bumps that rose. I can feel your breath as you reassure me. Comparable to few, your display of devotion to me is in the most truest form. Our expectations of each other and what we want out of life are synchronized. I want to steal your heart. I want to bite your bottom lip. I want to burn your toast. I want to pick your boogers. I just want to grow with you. But I am scared. You’re like a drug that’s advertised by society & the media. I’ll admit, I’m addicted to you. Addicted to your poison. Addicted to your filth. Addicted to your mood swings. Addicted to your snores. With you, I feel so high. I lose control of my natural being. My body shakes when you wear off and I yearn for more. You have got to be the most dangerous thing imaginable. Your hunger yells at me. Those screams captured my soul. Pleasuring your essence is my ultimate goal. You have set me free. And I am grateful for that. You found a spark of desire in me that’s been hidden for a long time. You have rekindled the feelings I once thought I couldn’t ever feel for a man anymore.

There are times where I just sit here. No television on, no music, no lights…and just wonder. I wonder where would we be 5 years from now? Wondering…am I still going to feel the same? I’m not going to lie. At first I thought I wasn’t good enough for you. I look at myself in the mirror and say “What does he see in me?” Obviously it was something I couldn’t see in myself. You gave me a new found confidence, in which I didn’t have before. There were too many times you have failed me and I lost hope in you. I cried so many tears because of you. My heart is too bruised. What makes you think I should give you another chance now? Why should I take the risks?

Before you, my heart laid somewhere in the pits of my fear. Fighting the unknown. Frozen, unable to respond to warmth. Before you, everyday just came & went. Filled with uncertainty and doubt. All of the pain, hurt and agony. Made me lose who I am & made me feel unworthy of someone like you. I was damned. The thought of ever feeling this way again was snubbed out. I was preserving so much negativity about you. Dwelling the anger, allowing the evil to grow. Not allowing anyone to see the beauty inside. If you seen me, you were able to see my pain. If you spoke to me, you were able to expose my fears. If I heard you, you were able to tell me forgotten truths. If I embrace you, you were able to hurt me. But that was then & this is now. Now, I am able to surrender to you. Now, I am able to focus on the positive aspects that you bring into my life. Now, I’ve gained a new source of strength. You. My fears are diluted. You. I can be myself without being capitalized on my flaws. You. I’m rid of all my doubts & know it is possible to feel this way again. You. My days don’t seem like nights anymore. You. I’ve finally overcome my fear of the other side because you’ve shown me the way. You. All you baby. And I am caught up in your rapture. I surrender.

Yesterday was an endless void. Today is an awakening. Tomorrow is anticipated. All that’s left for me to do is to feel you on my fingertips…

Hi. My name is Chanel. Nice to finally meet you, Love.

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My name is Chanel and I love pink, tattoos and hair weaves. Mother of one, engaged, web designer, loves my cat Princess & my shihtzu Romeo. “Accomplish everything without fear” is one of my favorites quotes. I am not affiliated with nor do I support the illuminati.

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where do i go?

revolving.

boost your confidence.

for the record.

you.

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