Invent


giving up.

So many people give up on finding love or pursuing a potential relationship. They either use their career, age or financial status as an excuse to not allow their feelings flow naturally. To not allow themselves to branch out and meet new people. To not commit to what’s good right in front of them. It’s amusing to watch someone react towards their own feelings. I’ve noticed that some people are unable to deal with their own emotions. They sometimes run from how their feelings and/or even push the person away. I’m not sure why people do this. Ever heard the excuse “I’m not trying to be in a relationship until I _______” and the reason is always something that has nothing to do with companionship? That never made sense to me, unless it’s a personal goal like “Wait until I move out of Botswana and come live in America before we get married”. Excuses like “oh I want to finish college first” or “no, I need to clear my debt first before I commit to you” are just that. Excuses. More than likely, in my opinion, that’s just a polite way to reject you. You do, however, have the ones who are scarred, hurt or still haven’t gotten over their last relationship, and use that as a crutch to not being able to continue on. These people to me are guilty of 2 things: 1) not getting over it and 2) not being fair to their new love interest. In that fairness, they should opt to not get involved with anyone until they fully get over their commitment issues. If they do, knowing that their issues may & will affect their mate, that’s how you know selfishness has shown itself and they are only looking out for their best interest. Not yours. using you as a “past time”, if you will.

Love have mysterious ways to overpower your emotions. It’ll make you adore someone to the fullest and then hate them within a heartbeat. Especially at the end of a relationship, which can also be the beginning of a new, improved you. After a break-up, you ever realize how much energy that relationship sucked out of you? It literally feels as if they sucked the life out of you. After they’re gone, it almost feels as if your blood is rejuvenating it’s circulation. And of course (not immediately after they leave) it took a while to recover from the devastation of being forced to start over. But when you do, you realize there were sides of yourself dying to be expressed. That’s exactly how I felt when my heart was broken. Boy was he the love of my life then. Nevertheless after we broke up, slowly and surely, my life became so different. Same goes for any relationship you’re in (friendship, dating, etc). As soon as you disassociated yourself from someone, you feel 5 more pounds lifted off your back. Ever notice you don’t get much shit done when you have your head up in the clouds, eyes wide shut? Not even focusing on reality. Now that’s when I feel being involved with someone will effect your life in a negative way. I’ve seen women call out from work for days over a broken heart. I can’t lie, I failed a couple of classes back in the day because of a broken heart. I couldn’t focus on my studies AT ALL. That’s when I knew I needed to wake up and smell the roses. He’s no longer there, probably with his new bitch, get over it, get up and continue living on with my life. One of the best motivations I gave myself was reminding myself that he’s most likely out there not giving a rats ass about me. All those tears I’ve shed whilst he’s celebrating his renewed single life? Come on people, we got to do better. I did better. That was 8 years ago. And when I came across one of my old photo albums the other day, and seen one of our pictures in there, I chuckled to myself. Back then I just knew I couldn’t be without him but now I’m wondering what did I ever see in him?

Take heed to these words if you ever find yourself feeling stuck. Life & relationships are not about being frozen in place. It’s about growth, commitments and love. Sometimes you may just have to fight for love because the other party is simply scared of it. And if you’re the person who’s scared of love, scared of fighting to make things work, scared to make the slightest effort to earn that companionship, you need to do some thorough soul searching. No one is meant to be alone. Life is so much better to aim for your desires than not trying at all. I personally prefer to try, and maybe get rejected, than to not knowing at all if it would have worked. I know, I know…easier said than done. But remember….the hardest advice to follow is your own.

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he’s into me dammit.

I’m sure you all heard of the bullshit book-turned-into-movie “He’s Just Not That Into You” and I’m surprised how successful this phenomenon has become. Only because, a lot of the telltale signs that’s he’s not into you, is right in front of your face. We don’t need a book to confirm this. But there’s something deep down inside that’s called denial that will not allow you to just see that. Or even acknowledge it and move on. So what we do ladies? We hang on, and wait it out. Thinking that maybe after about 3 months or so, he’ll start acting right. Maybe if I wait before I give him “some”, he’ll start treating me to nicer things more. But it’s been 6 months and he still dates other women (but he tells you he only has sex with you). Still haven’t took you out on a date. Still haven’t met his friends. Didn’t give you a birthday present because he’s not into “birthdays” and/or you’re not his girlfriend. How much more of this will you take before you realize that he’s just using you as a pastime until he finds his REAL love? I mean shit, that’s what I used to do. Date miscellaneous men until I found Mr. Right. But I didn’t lead anyone one, or make them feel less than their worth. I didn’t make it seem like I wasn’t dating anyone else nor did I make any commitment promises. This allows the other man to make the decision. I don’t make the decision for him.

Which is exactly what you are allowing these men do. Make decisions for you by not putting your foot down. If you are looking for a blue shirt, would you allow the sales associate to sell you a pink one? You speak your mind and you tell her exactly what you want. And if they don’t have it, you move on to the next store. That’s what we as women need to do with the men that does not meet our needs.  If you have to sit there and ask your sister, your co-worker, one of your guy friends on yahoo messenger, the cashier at McDonalds all these elaborate questions and tell them these scenarios just to see if he’s digging you, most likely he’s not. When a man’s into you,

you have to ask no questions about it. You’ll know it. You’ll feel it. You’ll see it. To be honest with you, there are no exquisite hidden ways to know if he’s into you. It all depends on his personality. If he’s a homebody but always wants to take you out to show you a good time, maybe he’s into you. If he’s not into being on the phone for more than 5 minutes, yet, you guys talk almost every night for over an hour, maybe he’s into you. The only way you will know for sure is just by asking him. If his answer isn’t so up to par to your standards, then you already know what to do next.

There are so many great mysteries about men that I have yet to solve & I’m quite sure there are men that are thinking the same thing about us women. I hate to sound cliche but, most men need to stop thinking with their dicks and more with their minds. Yeah, yeah, yeah…I know it’s been said over & over again but that statement is staying true in it’s form as of today. We get treated as objects most of the time; sitting there using games to get what they want. Or, they will throw all game out the window and straight up tell you that’s all they want. No thanks. I think I will take a rain check at a shot of AIDS. Then once they get what they want, just like that….they disappear like the wind. And you’ll never see it coming. It’s that damn manipulating. I have yet to understand what men really get out of that. I guess they feel like they’ve conquered something & their ego’s get a shitty boost? Would you want someone to do that to your mother or daughter? Do you feel more of a man after you blatantly disrespect a woman that you supposedly care about? If that’s how you show your “care” then I’m not sticking around to see what love’s like…

And that’s the kind of courage we all need to have within ourselves. Knowing when to say “I’ve had enough” or “What’s the status between you and I” and accept a straight up answer. Without that, you have nothing. You’ll always be wondering. You’ll always be asking Pam from up the street her opinion, instead of going straight to the source. If the asshole still cannot give you an answer, then leave him alone. Why play guessing games with your feelings? Don’t wait 5 years for an engagement ring. Don’t wait 10 years and 3 children later to get married. Don’t you realize you’re placing your life on hold for someone else to confirm that you are their everything?

So, after reading this book and discussing it with a female one night, then a male another night, then another male, then another male, then another male, then another male, I’ve come to see that it’s just for entertainment purposes. The percentage of the truth that this book does tell, are complete common sense. Ladies, please do not use this book as a BIBLE towards dating. All of the men I spoke to about this book, who all happened to be different in many ways, do not agree with anything the book says. There are times where a man is really too busy to go on a second date. There are times where a man has feelings for you, but is scared to express them. There are times where a man is scared to fall in love again. By all means, work it out. But not for no damn 6+ months for crying out loud!

Oh, one more thing. If a man tells you “I don’t like to approach women” or he kisses your hand before even knowing your name, that means he’s a stuck-up womanizing trick. Don’t fall into the trap!!!!

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