Invent


would i commit to myself?

If you have a desire to settle down & be in a commitment, you have to ask yourself: Would I commit to myself? Am I doing my best to receive the best? Am I giving my all to receive his all? Did I achieve being the best I can be for myself before expecting the same from her? If not, why are we pawning ourselves off on someone else. We need to take time to do some homework on self-love, self esteem and self-confidence. On ourselves. When we can pass the test of self-acceptance, the perfect someone who will compliment all that we already are will walk right through the door. The love and harmony within yourself reaches out and draws your mate.

Remember how you felt during the first encounters of someone you love? Didn’t you deny your own feelings? You smile when you see them and you close your eyes when you think about their voice. Every conversation feels like the first one. You’re completely fascinated by the way they make you feel. The thought of their kiss raises goose bumps as you lick your lips. You talk on the phone everyday. You want to see each other everyday. You want to be held everyday. You miss their caress. You miss their warmth. You miss their body. But sex hasn’t even been introduced yet. Everything moved so fast and out of nowhere you have feelings for this individual. You feel supported and they heighten your energy at the thought of seeing each other again. You’re not in love and you’re not infatuated. But you are feeling something. Yet you can’t pinpoint it. In just a matter of days you already know what they’re about to say next & an extensive amount of care appeared out of nowhere. Is there a title for this feeling? Or are you in denial of something else?

We, as people, were brought up to feel almost as if we need other people to feel secure and people we can depend on. Kind of sucks…in my opinion. There is something about being with someone who just makes your heart jump when you see them; someone who you can chill with and sex not always be an option; someone who you can argue with you, but still know that in the end, you will still have their voice to hear. There are a lot more things…like how some of the best moments with the person can be some of the most silent. Words don’t have to be said to feel like you are at ease with the person.

Eliminating bad choices: The art of mind-vs-heart is such an incredible power that it literally expands whatever it touches. When we’re faced with a challenge, obstacle or problem, our tendency is to nurture it. Our thinking process harbors the situation while our hearts…simply tells us different. We talk about it, but we don’t come to a solution. We describe it vividly, but are unable to recognize it when it’s in our face. We monitor its progress day by day, imagining how much it’s growing & how it’s effects are devastating every aspect of our lives. Yet we still allow it to. You know what we’re doing? We’re giving it more value than it’s worth. We’re settling due to our selfishness. Where do we find that strength to stop it before we hurt ourselves? As I type this, it dawns on me. It all makes perfect sense. I’m being tested by God. The highest of all high is testing me to see if I can truly make the right long-term decisions instead of just living for today. I simple adore being embraced, appreciated & loved for the woman I am. But what do you do when it’s all coming from the right person at the wrong time? I’ve grown to notice that the most beautiful things happens at the most inconvenient times in our lives. It gets to the point where you have to pick, choose and then eliminate one of those beautiful things. We can think, speak and bring the best possible outcome into existence by focusing on where we’re going, not on where we think we are. Think about it…how far can you go living for today instead of catering to your future happiness? Best things happens to those who wait huh? But what if you’re tired of waiting? What if, you end up having faith into the number one thing you don’t believe in? They say everything happens for a reason right? Well maybe this time, I think I’m going to go against the grain and just see what exactly is the reason why this is happening to me. I personally believe I was hand picked to endure questionable events. I always tell folks you’re strong, positive & faithful attitude will only bring you good. Nothing more, nothing less. When you entertain & focus on the problem, the problem will only get bigger. Funny how you end up doing the exact opposite of what you preach. Ah well, that’s life I guess huh?

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giving up.

So many people give up on finding love or pursuing a potential relationship. They either use their career, age or financial status as an excuse to not allow their feelings flow naturally. To not allow themselves to branch out and meet new people. To not commit to what’s good right in front of them. It’s amusing to watch someone react towards their own feelings. I’ve noticed that some people are unable to deal with their own emotions. They sometimes run from how their feelings and/or even push the person away. I’m not sure why people do this. Ever heard the excuse “I’m not trying to be in a relationship until I _______” and the reason is always something that has nothing to do with companionship? That never made sense to me, unless it’s a personal goal like “Wait until I move out of Botswana and come live in America before we get married”. Excuses like “oh I want to finish college first” or “no, I need to clear my debt first before I commit to you” are just that. Excuses. More than likely, in my opinion, that’s just a polite way to reject you. You do, however, have the ones who are scarred, hurt or still haven’t gotten over their last relationship, and use that as a crutch to not being able to continue on. These people to me are guilty of 2 things: 1) not getting over it and 2) not being fair to their new love interest. In that fairness, they should opt to not get involved with anyone until they fully get over their commitment issues. If they do, knowing that their issues may & will affect their mate, that’s how you know selfishness has shown itself and they are only looking out for their best interest. Not yours. using you as a “past time”, if you will.

Love have mysterious ways to overpower your emotions. It’ll make you adore someone to the fullest and then hate them within a heartbeat. Especially at the end of a relationship, which can also be the beginning of a new, improved you. After a break-up, you ever realize how much energy that relationship sucked out of you? It literally feels as if they sucked the life out of you. After they’re gone, it almost feels as if your blood is rejuvenating it’s circulation. And of course (not immediately after they leave) it took a while to recover from the devastation of being forced to start over. But when you do, you realize there were sides of yourself dying to be expressed. That’s exactly how I felt when my heart was broken. Boy was he the love of my life then. Nevertheless after we broke up, slowly and surely, my life became so different. Same goes for any relationship you’re in (friendship, dating, etc). As soon as you disassociated yourself from someone, you feel 5 more pounds lifted off your back. Ever notice you don’t get much shit done when you have your head up in the clouds, eyes wide shut? Not even focusing on reality. Now that’s when I feel being involved with someone will effect your life in a negative way. I’ve seen women call out from work for days over a broken heart. I can’t lie, I failed a couple of classes back in the day because of a broken heart. I couldn’t focus on my studies AT ALL. That’s when I knew I needed to wake up and smell the roses. He’s no longer there, probably with his new bitch, get over it, get up and continue living on with my life. One of the best motivations I gave myself was reminding myself that he’s most likely out there not giving a rats ass about me. All those tears I’ve shed whilst he’s celebrating his renewed single life? Come on people, we got to do better. I did better. That was 8 years ago. And when I came across one of my old photo albums the other day, and seen one of our pictures in there, I chuckled to myself. Back then I just knew I couldn’t be without him but now I’m wondering what did I ever see in him?

Take heed to these words if you ever find yourself feeling stuck. Life & relationships are not about being frozen in place. It’s about growth, commitments and love. Sometimes you may just have to fight for love because the other party is simply scared of it. And if you’re the person who’s scared of love, scared of fighting to make things work, scared to make the slightest effort to earn that companionship, you need to do some thorough soul searching. No one is meant to be alone. Life is so much better to aim for your desires than not trying at all. I personally prefer to try, and maybe get rejected, than to not knowing at all if it would have worked. I know, I know…easier said than done. But remember….the hardest advice to follow is your own.

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cheating yourself.

Being cheated on. How does it make you feel? It makes you feel like you’re not good enough. You start questioning yourself. You start feeling inferior. The confidence you had within yourself disappeared. You suddenly don’t feel attractive anymore. You try to figure out when and where did you go wrong. Should I forgive him? Am I to take her back? Was it really because he was drunk? Did I really chase her into someone else arms? When that confusion sets in, you feel like you’re in a maze of deceit and uncertainty.

There’s been this ongoing debate about infidelity and which one is worse: Being cheated on physically or being cheated on emotionally. I believe emotional infidelity is much worse than the physical. If you’re wondering what’s the difference I will tell you. Physical cheating is about sex, getting satisfaction from someone else touch, whether you’re kissing, hugging, being affectionate and of course…having sex. Emotional cheating is when you’re connecting to someone on an emotional level by spending time with them, having that mental attachment, and keeping in contact on a daily basis. Yes, I consider “getting to know someone better” by using an internet venue cheating as well. Those personal daily emails, text messages and instant messages with the opposite sex are inappropriate if you’re in a relationship. Meeting a person from the internet is also a major no-no. The time you possibly spent to get to know them better and then to prepare a time and date to go meet them? That’s crossing the line, even if it is just a “friend”. If that “friend” wasn’t there before the relationship, they shouldn’t be there now. Same thing goes for co-workers, church members, and the cashier at the supermarket. There’s no need to create more friends of the opposite sex. That’s the point of being in a relationship. That person is supposed to be your main source of satisfaction.

Point is, I strongly believe being cheated on emotionally is worse than physically. He had sex with her once and left her alone. It’s bad, but not as bad as him spending time with her, taking her out on dates, paying her bills and crying on her shoulder when things go bad. He’s living 2 lives and becoming more and more attached to this other woman. And all during this time, he’s not talking to you anymore, not spending time with the kids, always “working late” and haven’t had sex with you in 2 months. He’s respectfully saving himself for her. She may know about you, she may not. But more than likely, she doesn’t know about you. How can you mend a relationship after that? After knowing that your partner has started a new life with someone else? Once you find out (81% of men won’t admit to it, even after asking¹) how do you cope with it? Do you forgive him and move on or do you lay down the laws of betrayal and give him a 2nd chance?

There are times in our life where we cheat ourselves. Have you ever decided to do something different with your life, but end up defending those ideals? Then what usually happens next? You lose all of your motivation. You ever decided to not go for it at all? You were so excited about your new inner discovery and all it took was one person to knock those dreams out of existence. Isn’t it funny how impressionable we become at our most vulnerable moments? We let our guards down for 5 minutes and during those 5 minutes, we receive painful reminders of why we had our guards up in the first place. People tend to forget the main fact: We only have one life to live. It’s not like you’ll get another chance to do the things you dream of doing. So why hold yourself back due to the negative opinion of others? Let them say what they want to say. Let them believe what they want to believe. I need constructive criticism and some sort of background or history as to why someone wouldn’t support me in a decision. Ignorance is bliss. If I decide to go back to school to become a teacher because I love helping children and I have a passion in education, don’t grill me down about how teachers don’t get paid much and the economy is bad and blah blah blah. Did you NOT hear what I said? My priority is not how much I would make as a teacher but the impact I can provide towards our children & their education. When I express my goals to you, I am seeking support, not backlash. Close minded people usually act this way. But most of all, it usually comes from someone who’s envious of you. Instead of praising your accomplishments and goals, they want to shit all over your parade to make you feel as low as they do.

Don’t cheat yourself out of your dreams.

Source: ¹Men Who Cheat

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