So many people give up on finding love or pursuing a potential relationship. They either use their career, age or financial status as an excuse to not allow their feelings flow naturally. To not allow themselves to branch out and meet new people. To not commit to what’s good right in front of them. It’s amusing to watch someone react towards their own feelings. I’ve noticed that some people are unable to deal with their own emotions. They sometimes run from how their feelings and/or even push the person away. I’m not sure why people do this. Ever heard the excuse “I’m not trying to be in a relationship until I _______” and the reason is always something that has nothing to do with companionship? That never made sense to me, unless it’s a personal goal like “Wait until I move out of Botswana and come live in America before we get married”. Excuses like “oh I want to finish college first” or “no, I need to clear my debt first before I commit to you” are just that. Excuses. More than likely, in my opinion, that’s just a polite way to reject you. You do, however, have the ones who are scarred, hurt or still haven’t gotten over their last relationship, and use that as a crutch to not being able to continue on. These people to me are guilty of 2 things: 1) not getting over it and 2) not being fair to their new love interest. In that fairness, they should opt to not get involved with anyone until they fully get over their commitment issues. If they do, knowing that their issues may & will affect their mate, that’s how you know selfishness has shown itself and they are only looking out for their best interest. Not yours. using you as a “past time”, if you will.

Love have mysterious ways to overpower your emotions. It’ll make you adore someone to the fullest and then hate them within a heartbeat. Especially at the end of a relationship, which can also be the beginning of a new, improved you. After a break-up, you ever realize how much energy that relationship sucked out of you? It literally feels as if they sucked the life out of you. After they’re gone, it almost feels as if your blood is rejuvenating it’s circulation. And of course (not immediately after they leave) it took a while to recover from the devastation of being forced to start over. But when you do, you realize there were sides of yourself dying to be expressed. That’s exactly how I felt when my heart was broken. Boy was he the love of my life then. Nevertheless after we broke up, slowly and surely, my life became so different. Same goes for any relationship you’re in (friendship, dating, etc). As soon as you disassociated yourself from someone, you feel 5 more pounds lifted off your back. Ever notice you don’t get much shit done when you have your head up in the clouds, eyes wide shut? Not even focusing on reality. Now that’s when I feel being involved with someone will effect your life in a negative way. I’ve seen women call out from work for days over a broken heart. I can’t lie, I failed a couple of classes back in the day because of a broken heart. I couldn’t focus on my studies AT ALL. That’s when I knew I needed to wake up and smell the roses. He’s no longer there, probably with his new bitch, get over it, get up and continue living on with my life. One of the best motivations I gave myself was reminding myself that he’s most likely out there not giving a rats ass about me. All those tears I’ve shed whilst he’s celebrating his renewed single life? Come on people, we got to do better. I did better. That was 8 years ago. And when I came across one of my old photo albums the other day, and seen one of our pictures in there, I chuckled to myself. Back then I just knew I couldn’t be without him but now I’m wondering what did I ever see in him?

Take heed to these words if you ever find yourself feeling stuck. Life & relationships are not about being frozen in place. It’s about growth, commitments and love. Sometimes you may just have to fight for love because the other party is simply scared of it. And if you’re the person who’s scared of love, scared of fighting to make things work, scared to make the slightest effort to earn that companionship, you need to do some thorough soul searching. No one is meant to be alone. Life is so much better to aim for your desires than not trying at all. I personally prefer to try, and maybe get rejected, than to not knowing at all if it would have worked. I know, I know…easier said than done. But remember….the hardest advice to follow is your own.