I have a friend who has the worse self-esteem I’ve ever encountered. Let’s just call her “Stacy”. We met actually through me dating her brother back in high school and she became part of our little “clique”. Since then, I’ve noticed her struggles with her image (she was slightly overweight), fitting in and being accepted. Often times, she’ll use her brother’s popularity to gain her own popularity. Then there were other times where she will act like a baby. Always want other people to do things for her and pamper her. I figured this was just a faze that eventually she’ll grow out of. Boy was I wrong.
“Stacy” and I lost contact with each other as the years went by, until she moved down here around the same time I did. We still didn’t contact each other until she was in need of assistance. So right there I felt like the only reason she called on me for help is because she had no one else to turn to. Not like she actually cared about me and how I’ve been doing. Nevertheless, I helped her out in any way that I can. She still used her brother’s name for fame & seemed even worse with her baby-like ways. During the time I helped her, she vented about how she has no friends, that she’s bored down here, she doesn’t know where to go to hang out, she can never find dates and blah blah blahhh. So, being that we have history & the outgoing person that I am, whenever I went out mingling, I invited her. Keyword = invited.
Trust me, I’m going somewhere with this….
Every time I invite “Stacy” out, she makes up this excuse as to why she can’t go. Since December, we have been out together a total 4 times. Yes, 4 times. The other 96 times I heard the outrageous excuses. Some of the invites and excuses are as follows:
1) I won tickets to a comedy show with a reserved table. An hour before it was time for me to pick her up, she said she dropped her car keys down the elevator chute. I reminded her that I was driving and she said her house keys were also attached to the car keys. Needless to say, I ended up staying up because it was too short notice to find someone else to go on a work night.
2) I signed us up for this adult gaming event where you can play games like Spades, Hungry Hungry Hippo, Monopoly and etc. with other people in a bar/lounge setting. It’s $10 for each person. The evening of the event, she suddenly had to babysit her niece. So I was assed out $20.
3) We had plans to go to a lounge on a Thursday night where I usually meet nice men at. She agreed to go with me on Monday & talked about it everyday that week. By time Thursday hits, she mysteriously “forgot” and took an enema that afternoon. :straight:
Honestly, I understand things may and can happen. But “Stacy’s” sad ass ain’t fooling me. The first couple of times she flaked out on me I was completely done with her and went a month not speaking to her. Then I felt bad and invited her back out. That time she came. Good. But then I noticed something that night. She’s always sulking or looking droopy whenever we hang out. Almost like she’s depressed. After that night when I asked her what was wrong with her, she then revealed to me that she’s uncomfortable going out because she feels fat, unattractive, and invisible. Especially next to me. What?!?! I kindly reminded her that regardless of what others think of you, or me, YOU have to think beautiful of yourself. Then she goes to say that all the men approach me and they don’t pay her no mind every time we go out and yadda yadda yadda. Are you kidding me? I gave her a little 2 hour prep talk and thought that I boosted her esteem enough to come back out with me. That turned out to be the night she took an “enema” and also the last time I spoke to her.
See, the moral of this story is, no matter how you look, you will be treated how you project yourself. I have seen the UGLIEST women get attention out in public. You want to know why? Because they exude confidence & strength. Regardless what they look like. They smile, laugh, give exceptional conversation and great body language. If you’re all slumped over with a scowl on your face, do you really think men will approach you? They’re going to see you for what you are representing. A miserable depressed being. How can you expect to have a fun, joyous life with people if you’re not out there trying to meet new people and enjoying yourself? Sitting at home all night sulking while your television watches you is not the answer. There have been times where I had no one to come out with me. And guess what? I took my little tail right out to those events, BY MYSELF, and sipped on my Hennessy (courtesy of man 1, 2 and 3) with my pinky finger in the air and was straight OWNING the place. You always need the one pinky finger in the air with an eyebrow raised. Fierceness in motion.
I haven’t spoke to “Stacy” since then because I got tired of her flaky ways. Plus she knows I have a child so she didn’t think once of being considerate towards that fact as well. Wasting my time & money. Need I remind you I was the one that always drove her out of courtesy because her money wasn’t always right. Friends don’t do that to each other. And I’m not guilty for letting her go. Weight off my back and fear off my shoulder having to worry if she’s going to flake out or not.
By Tara, September 9, 2008 at 9:47 am
Oi that’s absolutely annoying. I hate it when people cancel on my at the last minute and blahblahblah. X_X;;
And as for her having low self-esteem, wow. And I thought I was bad at meeting new people, with my snarky ways and to prevent assholes from even coming near me . . . at least I try to be somewhat friendly. O_O;;
Anyway, you have every right to cut contact with her. It’s not fun when someone is spending most of their time whining like a baby, and it’s even not fair for you to do all the effing work to make sure the friendship work. Kudos to you for even putting up with it this long.
By Shannon, September 9, 2008 at 12:22 pm
Your ex friend sounds like a real party pooper and I can see why you guys aren’t friends anymore. There’s one thing I’ve learned about having friends with a low self-esteem is that sometimes they really aren’t good to have around when you’re trying to enjoy yourself, they’ll try to make your time as miserable as theirs.
I really hate when I make plans with someone and they cancel on me, then I’m left with no other alternatives because I was counting on them to go through with the plans. If I were you, I wouldn’t have invited her ass back out anywhere after the first few times. Some people like that just need to be left to drown in their own misery.
By chanel, September 9, 2008 at 5:45 pm
I’m saying though. The only reason why I gave her a few chances is because I’ve know her for so long. It’s very rare to rekindle a friendship with someone you was friends with over 10 years ago. So I tired to cherish that and obviously, all she was worried about was herself.
By Katy, September 9, 2008 at 2:24 pm
I always say just let go of people who don’t bother to make time for you too… it’s not fair when you make so much effort trying to keep the relationship together and they do jack shit!
By Nelli., September 9, 2008 at 3:03 pm
Actually I can kinda relate to this post. I deal with this situation right now with a friend. All the time I have to remind her to love herself for who she really is. She has low self – esteem issues also. I even tried to set her up on dates, but guess what..the guys always says she’s “ugly” or she’s not their type. I never let her kno tho. I just always tell her, wait on that true guy who is going to knock your socks off, because thats what I did. As for goin out, she’s a house person, so I dont have a problem there. I dont think I’ll her go because she is a nice friend.
By Tiffany, September 9, 2008 at 6:00 pm
yeah thats really not cool. Clearly shes jealous of you. That’s all negativity and its always good to cut people out ur life with negativity. I’ve done it myself a few times and I’m only 20. How can someone love you if you dont love urself? people dont recognize that. I hope she freakn reads this and realize how much of a ass she made of herself.
By chanel, September 9, 2008 at 7:15 pm
She’s the type that will turn any situation into her being the victim. I doubt she’ll read my blog though. If she even knows it exists! :censored:
By Aoki, September 9, 2008 at 8:40 pm
I absolutely love this post. I had a friend like that.. she was 18 and I was 12 and she wanted to be like me. Nothing was wrong with her, mentally, but physically she was overweight and tended to hang around people that accepted her. She was BEAUTIFUL though. And it aggravated me when she talked about how beautiful I am and how she’s ugly and fat blah blah.. because I knew the potential she had… but she didn’t. Confidence gets you a LONG way and definitely will get you more attention than anything..
By Jaz, September 9, 2008 at 8:55 pm
Oh that just sucks big time. I remember not having friends to go out with, most of them are married, with children, don’t like going out, or say they don’t have money. But I ended up finding new friends that love going out and I use to go out all the time then. I did go out a few times on my own and met groups of people that became my pub friends, haha.
Flaking sucks. I had a BF that always had an excuse. I got tired of it so I stopped asking to do stuff with them… and started asking other friends or going by myself. :) Its worse when they cancel on you at the last minute, it always ruins your own night. I hope her self-esteem grows a lot more and she starts realizing the things you have told her. Eventually hopefully she will want to hang out for real again.
Btw, my site works again now, I fixed it all.
Jaz xxx
By Merinn, September 9, 2008 at 11:02 pm
She sounds like she complains too much. At least you let her go and that she’s not going to come back to you anytime soon.
By kinshar, September 9, 2008 at 11:48 pm
Hey you have a very nice blog….first time here, how are you?
By chanel, September 10, 2008 at 7:56 am
Well let me just say welcome! And I am fantastic, thanks for asking. :blogee:
By Wrhona, September 10, 2008 at 6:37 am
Yeah..no wonder she felt lonely..she turned most of your invitation..did she have a problem hangin’ out with you? yeah..prolly the confidence problem..
I think it’s the same with clothing. It doesn’t matter what mark it is, it only matters how to use it and style it to fit you and reflect your taste..
errr..sorry, it might not be a good example..hehehe
By Olivia Kitty, September 10, 2008 at 9:59 am
Kudos on letting Stacey go!
She wasn’t worth the energy :loser:
By Nicolah, September 10, 2008 at 12:07 pm
Stacey doesn’t sound like a nice friend to have. I hate people that constantly bail like that, especially with lame excuses that you know aren’t true.
Oh, and I do agree, I rather my child get attached to my voice and not the audio book. I didn’t think of it like that.
By Jonna, September 11, 2008 at 4:57 am
Stacey sounds like a serious energy vacuum. Gz on getting her out of your life. :happy:
By Romney, September 11, 2008 at 2:21 pm
Yeah that is way too much for me. I would have to let her ass go as well. It makes no sense for anyone to try and drag you down with them. You tried to help the girl, it didn’t work. So time to move on. Ya did the right thing.
By Kristine, September 11, 2008 at 4:57 pm
Ugh. This is why I really dislike insecure girls. I also don’t like when people just call me because they need something. Makes me feel like I am being used.
By Tasha, September 11, 2008 at 9:53 pm
OMG.. this heffa jealous of you! Girl you need to move on to the next person, who will appreciate what you do for them.. unlike her.. eh
By alexis belon, September 11, 2008 at 10:04 pm
That quote thing-a-ma-jig is cool!
(Sorry; just noticed it lol)
Everyone knows that no matter what a woman looks like, if she’s confident, she’s sexy. If Stacy hasn’t learned that lesson yet, let her slow ass dwell in her loneliness all she wants.
By chanel, September 12, 2008 at 7:58 am
I just added the “quote thing” 2 days ago so you’re actually on time. Thank you, lol. I hand picked all of the quotes that you will see. I will soon add some that are actually one-liners from songs that move me.
By Jenny, September 12, 2008 at 3:54 pm
It’s her insecurities that wouldn’t let her hang out, not her, herself. And you’re right, there are so many ugly-ass girls with TONS of confidence who gets a lot of attention (even from guys). She has to get over it sooner or later. That kind of personality would not do you good.