Excerpts from what I posted on my twitter tonight:
Being honest is getting me nowhere. If you carry yourself like a lady & produce great conversation that doesn’t include baby father drama, girlfriend gossip or material things, and you’re STILL getting the shitty results from these men, it is YOU? This is a serious question. What’s so hard about giving a deserving woman what she wants? Because the last woman fucked you over?
“You’re so beautiful, down to earth & I love your sense of humor. I’m so attracted to you. Let’s just fuck.” – HUH?
“You have a great spirit & I love kicking it with you. You just seem so carefree & loyal. Suck my dick?” – WAIT…
“I had a wonderful time with you last night & I loved kissing you. Let’s not speak anymore.” – WHAT?
Wholesome women need to get together and beat the shit out of “one night stand” bitches. They making it hard for us. I’m not going to sit here & act like being single is all peaches & cream. IT IS NOT. It’s fun to have all these men desire you & have your options to date whomever you like. Definition: temporary satisfactions. But when every month it’s someone different, because the last mother fucker didn’t act right, reality starts to set in. Is sex REALLY that important? Is it REALLY that serious? In a relationship, it is. But not while you’re just dating. What’s with the haste? What’s with the deceit? Why not go get a ho, instead of trying to conquer the classy career woman. Words & actions NEVER made me fuck. If I fucked you it was because I simply wanted to. Not because of persuasion.
NOTE TO SELF: Stand your ground. Remain celibate. Never compromise morals. Express wants/needs. Don’t look back. Be you.
And don’t feel you’re better than me because you’re currently fucking a man, with no real status. Your shit stinks too. Don’t feel you can’t take advice from me just because I’m single. I’m the main one who can detect an “ain’t shit nigga”. The men/women who stay talking down on single women are usually in fucked up relationships. Jealous because they’re STUCK. When have you ever seen a genuinely happy person throw their relationship status up in your face? Those people talk shit to you because they want to feel better about themselves & their own depleted commitments. Being in a relationship, being engaged, or being married doesn’t make you an expert or validates your opinions. That’s ignorant & close-minded as hell to retrieve info from one resource. You can get advice from both ends of the spectrum. Single people can give you insight about VARIOUS others. Committed people can give you advice about their significant other. Point is, everything that you hear, is about people you’ve had no dealings with. You still have to come up with your own conclusion. She’s telling you what happened with HER husband. He’s telling you what happened with HIS wife. What worked for them, may not work with you.
I am ready for love. I’m not afraid to say that. And I will never back down from that. I am patient & know how to take my time. I want companionship. Someone I can be vulnerable with. I want to need him. I want to dependent on him. I want to satisfy him. If you don’t express these things, and admit your desires, you’ll never get what you want. A close mouth don’t get fed. And if he doesn’t want to feed you, then why should you go hungry while he feast on everything you have on your plate?
Judge me.
By Aisha, May 10, 2010 at 10:21 pm
These are my thoughts exactly, especially concerning the way women in relationships talk down single women. There’s a reason we’re single: WE DON’T WANT TO SETTLE.
Like I know this chick who is constantly going on about how if you’re single you shouldn’t be giving relationship advice. Who better to give you advice than someone who has experienced different people, though? Especially given her disparaging remarks about how if you can’t find a man/keep a man, then it’s YOUR fault. That sounds like damaged goods to me.
As if she’s never dated assholes.
By af, May 10, 2010 at 11:11 pm
This situation is a commentary on the state of black relationships and how black men and women interact with eachother… Saw an episode of “Maury” awhile back and he asked the guy if he was going to step up to the plate and take care of his son. the boy responded “I dont know how to be a father” and was being completely serious! Something is wrong with picture….
Parents should raise their children in such a way that they will grow up to respect and honor their future partners, not treat them as a vessel for semenal fluid…
There are great black men and great black women out there, you just can’t limit yourself to this country though. why not move abroad and experience another culture?
It depends on the situations in which you meet the person as well. If you meet the guy at the abortion clinic and he’s tryna holla at you while his chick is in the back getting taken care of then the relationship probably isn’t going to workout…
Celibacy will teach you so much about yourself. You’ll learn the power that you posess and how to harness it in the best way possible.
By Carla, May 11, 2010 at 12:23 am
This was beautifully written and I couldn’t agree with your notion more. I’ve been single for the past year and I’ve been celibate for that long as well and it was extremely hard. However, I also mastered the skill of being in control and remaining in control. The feeling of attaining that control is nothing short of orgasmic.
I’ve dated in the past and by being patient and waiting it out, I was able to see the truth in all of those guys. I looked past the looks and the smooth talking. I looked past all of that outer shit and I was able to determine if they were rotten to the core. Needless to say, most of them were but at least I wasn’t another notch on their belt.
I strongly believe that if you remain patient, love will find you. As long as you’re willing to lose yourself, love will find you. I’ve had a lot of issues in the past that served as barriers for me allowing myself to love again. I’m learning to get past that.
By Nikita, May 20, 2010 at 10:51 pm
good for you Carla :)
By e., May 11, 2010 at 9:36 am
#PREACH cot damnit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
By Kemi, May 12, 2010 at 6:43 pm
Loved this entry. Wrote about something to this effect. There’s nothing wrong with being single and waiting for the person that is ready to be in an honest relationship. Men get the game twisted all the time and take advantage. If more women would take that twisted experience and learn from it, there wouldn’t be so many bitter women roaming the earth. WAIT. He will come.
Dollf8ce
By T, May 15, 2010 at 7:02 pm
Wow! First time back in a long time and I still love it! I love how you take what I’m thinking and put it in a blog. Arrogance is the reason people say single or divorced people shouldn’t give advice. Not realizing we are the ones that can keep you from going through the same thing that we already went through. You live and you learn though and some people obviously just want to go around living and not learning.
By Effie, May 17, 2010 at 2:52 pm
that was very deep, I dont know you but i can tell youre a beautiful young black intelligent female that refuses to settle for less. I just hope more and more females can take insight to your thoughts and see that they are worth more than just sex or abusive/shitty relationships. it takes great strength and discipline to take control of your love life and hold out until you feel youve found one who is worthy.. Persistency and Consistency is key.. I agree with you all the way.
By Whitney, May 17, 2010 at 7:46 pm
Thank you so much for this post! It was deep and real. Makes me think more about mistakes with men and how I can go forward on the “search” for Mr. Right.
By kweeneverything, May 19, 2010 at 11:57 pm
you are the truth and this is EXACTLY the kind of ideals women should hold on to. I am not settling, at all. He’s out there, I know he is, I won’t sleep with idiots for that very reason, he’s coming for me and not settling either. No more, celibacy is…not gonna lie…tough. But I refuse to just bend over…literally…for shitty results. Its about reality and building a future with me and I will do the same. Just honest, productive, responsible, romantic courtship. That’s all.
By Dina, May 20, 2010 at 12:01 pm
This is so mind-blowingly accurate. Being a single lady myself for a while, I couldn’t of said any of this better myself.