I used to be the kind of person that harp on things. For instance, if you called me a slut in January, I’d still bring it up in June. But now I’m wise enough to know that life is way too short to be harping on the past. People deserve to be forgiven. Most deserve that 2nd chance. I find myself forgiving, but not forgetting. I’m happy to have experienced so many things that I’ve had the chance to experience in my life. Grateful for the people I’ve met & and appreciate what I’ve learned from the ones that I’ve lost. Whether it was my fault or theirs. Because with each experience, I take a piece of it with me. Negative or positive. I learn from the negatives & I bask in the positives. However, there are times where I wonder….was it all really worth it?
Life is like photography. You develop from the negatives.
I try to go by that quote and apply it to everything that happens. But sometimes, I get restless. It’s funny we can learn to master our emotions in one entity, but not the other. I know I have grown a lot and have learned to love people the way they deserved to be loved. But some people obviously don’t deserve that love. I used to be the type that would just go all out and say regretful things during arguments. Not anymore. I find myself not even getting riled up anymore. I state my claim, express my feelings & move it right along. Unfortunately, I’ve become more loose with my feelings than ever. Meaning, I may like you a whole lot, but I can also cut you off with a heartbeat and never speak to you again. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. It also seems I’ve learned to not allow my feelings to get the best of me or cloud my judgment. It’s funny how nothing forces me to move faster than pain. Restlessness is pain. Someone distrusting you is pain. Disappointment is pain. Betrayal is pain. Backstabbing is pain. Being lied to is pain. When we’re in pain, it’s our duty to do something to make ourselves feel better. And if the old remedy doesn’t work, we gotta try something new. It’s a must. That old school cop out saying out of sight, out of mind trick doesn’t help much. All you’re really doing is crumpling up those feelings and hiding it in your bottom drawer. Not exactly “throwing it away”. So one day, unexpected, you fill find that same piece of paper.
Whenever we have a negative encounter, we wonder, “How could they do this to me?” The reason is because you let them. Basic human nature makes us see people and situations the way we want them to be, not the way they are. Then if your feelings are involved, they may crowd out your personal judgment. We allow others to take advantage, manipulate, and in some cases, abuse us, because we don’t want to “believe” what our senses are telling us is true. Don’t stay in denial. If legitimate facts are laid in front of you, don’t be blind to the obvious. You will get hurt in return. We are living products of our past. I think the reason why we allow these things to keep on happening is because whether it was negative or positive, we don’t have that natural feeling of beauty anymore. The environment of our childhood, teen years and young adult lives sets a path for our future. Our past is a part of our today. We carry it in our hearts and take heed to the next step considering what we been through. We do what was done to us because during our years of growing up we modeled what we saw, heard and experienced. With a great deal of denial, we repeat the physical, emotional and mental patterns set by our families, relationships and friends. It’s hard to convince one another to just “get over it” when you know that you haven’t gotten over a few things yourself. Point is, just be glad that you still have life. Feel beautiful for once. Or how about forever? Times when I used to feel like I can no longer go any further I take a look at all the things I do have, embrace those blessings and smoothly get over it. I relive the memories of my past then I erase them. Explore my feelings, unpack the guilt and free myself from the baggage I picked up moments before. Yes, you’re gonna feel bitter. Yes, you’re gonna feel unloved. Yes, you’re gonna feel like shit. But once you take a glance at your accomplishments, creations & the strength within…you will start to feel beautiful again. Don’t waste those limited moments of your life harping on the hideous aspects you’ve made it through. You’re here right now. Get a mirror, smile and commence being what you are.
Too many times we cut ourselves down to fit into a situation. Fixing ourselves to stay where we are is the very source of our pain. I refuse to allow myself to live with a constant, reoccurring ache because technically, it means I’m not getting the message. Sometimes, we reach a point where we can finally tolerate, yet are unable to cease it or prevent it from happening again. The only way you will successfully end it all is to stand up for yourself, and stand up for what you believe in. Make sure you don’t become an emotional pushover. More than likely, your pain is caused by you compromising yourself, to suit others or a particular situation. Catering to someone’s ego, pride or insensitivity. Or just flat out being afraid to speak your mind to that person. Whether you’re scared of them, or scared of how they’re going to blow it out of proportion. Bow down to no one because a closed mouth doesn’t get fed. Try it one day and see how strong & overcoming you’ll feel. I promise you, it’s invigorating.
By Randi, January 17, 2009 at 1:34 pm
I have to say you hit the nail on the head with this post. I could not have said it any better myself. Hope all is good with you lovely.
By Fatimah, January 17, 2009 at 3:47 pm
Wow! Chanel you are awesome! You’re an excellent introspective writer that has the ability to evoke raw emotion into everday occurences. Keep up the great work Miss lady!!
By Tiffany, January 17, 2009 at 3:55 pm
Exactly. I feel like this post can actually change a persons life and help make them see the real picture. Awesome post. .
By anne, January 17, 2009 at 5:11 pm
I forgive but never forget also!
great post
By Kaylee, January 17, 2009 at 6:34 pm
You’re 100% right, as usual.
I think I’m getting better at doing all the things you’ve mentioned in this entry, especially focusing on the good within when I’m feeling horrible.
I just wish I’d read this a couple of years ago XD
By Julie, January 17, 2009 at 9:46 pm
That’s a really good quote, and a really good outlook to have on life.
By alexis b. ™, January 18, 2009 at 11:18 am
This is my favorite post from you. HAND DOWN. When we are born, we are completely confident in ourselves and over years the world strips it down. and that’s where it all goes wrong. :blog00:
By Aoki, January 18, 2009 at 5:06 pm
I love this post, in fact I was going to write a post similar to this one with the exact meaning. I swear your site is like a remedy to my problems. It is ashame how we live our lives based on our past and how some people make it seem like it’s so easy to move on when in reality it’s complicated.
By Caity, January 18, 2009 at 11:10 pm
This is a great post. I really enjoyed reading it. I completely feel you on this one and I don’t think I could’ve said it better if I tried.
Also, I love that photography quote.
By Tyler, January 18, 2009 at 11:35 pm
Very interesting post. I like the quote you used at the start – quite true.
By Shannon, January 19, 2009 at 10:34 am
As a Cancer, I often dwell on the past and become a victim of it sometimes. I’m now learning that my behaviors are a result of a certain conditioning that I’ve endured my entire like. It’s now easier for me to let go of my past and try to change old habits because I don’t really dwell on anything previously painful anymore.
By John, January 19, 2009 at 2:13 pm
While I agree with you on part of it, the whole forgiving and not bringing up certain things, I would never forget what someone did to me if I was wronged. Forgiveness is one thing, ignorance is another.
And hey, how the Hell are ya?
By chanel, January 19, 2009 at 8:05 pm
testing.
By Polly, January 20, 2009 at 2:51 pm
Wow, what an insightful post. Can definitely understand strongly from your experience and point of view.
By Simone, January 20, 2009 at 6:34 pm
Interesting . You know , I’ve only been to your site a few times but each and every one of your blog posts have been so inspiring to me so I will definately be coming back .
By Miss Dré, January 21, 2009 at 1:51 am
While forgiving is the way to go, it is hard to forget sometimes, especially if you were wronged really badly. What you can do is pull out the emotion you got from that experience and use it as a driving force to become a better person.
By Sasha, January 21, 2009 at 5:38 am
Not being able to forget has always been my downfall and is the reason why some people I was once close with don’t even communicate anymore. I guess it’s just being scared of the possibility of it reoccuring.
By chantel, January 21, 2009 at 12:40 pm
:smile: Your an exxelnt writer. i wish i was as good as you,my thoughts are always all over the place.i guess ittakes practice. but i really love this post,it made me really think about myself and how i am,i let people hurt me all the time,when i know i dont deserve any pain from anyone, im a good person.
By Cecelia, January 21, 2009 at 9:23 pm
Great post! I really think you’re making an important point here (or more than one actually)..
“Basic human nature makes us see people and situations the way we want them to be, not the way they are”
So true! We don’t see the world and the people around us as they are – we it as we are!
By Robmarie, January 22, 2009 at 2:25 pm
Well said =) When it comes to avoiding pain, the best way to do it is by loving people without becoming attached. I also think the key to gaining resilience is to “forgive but not forget”; meaning that you should look at your past experiences and allow yourself to feel those emotions, to cry, to feel sorry for yourself, to forgive *yourself* for the guilt experienced, and then move on. The more one allows themselves to feel those buried feelings, the easier it becomes to look back at your memories without feeling anything.
By Destiny, January 23, 2009 at 12:54 pm
I agree with your post. People often try and place blame elsewhere because they just simply don’t want to accept the responsibilities that it brings. It’s kind of sad but at the same time, like you quoted, you learn from the developing the negatives… unfortunately some people go through more empty rolls of film than necessary before they fully capture the good images.
I thought you just changed your domain from the original one?? I’m surprised you changed so quickly again :)
By Charity, January 23, 2009 at 5:05 pm
Great post everything you said here is 100% true.
I tend to forgive but not forget and I still struggle with how this trait truly affects my relationships with others. I do think not forgetting allows you to draw on those emotions and learn from what you’ve experienced. Forgiving allows you to move past it with minimal pain.
By Mimi, January 23, 2009 at 11:57 pm
I love that quote, and it’s quite right, we learn a lot from the negative things in our life and we (hopefully) grow as a result. As much as I don’t like to forgive people because sometimes I feel like they really don’t deserve it, they say that when you forgive someone, you’re really forgiving yourself. So yeah, I eventually forgive, but I never forget.
By Monique, January 24, 2009 at 5:34 pm
Exactly if someone wants to talk shit about you, that’s on them. They are the ones being negative. Plus why should you ever let a hater get to you. There are plenty of people who love and support you and their opinion matters but the most one is your opinion.