heart is filled with pastel colors and the delusional idea that everyone lives happily ever after. A girl can always dream. A woman makes her dreams come true.
What ever happened to “til death do us part”? Not til divorce do us part. So many people are getting married, then divorced, nowadays like it’s the new trend. I’ve watched others go through a horrible marriage all because they thought the person they married was “the right one for them”. Or “we’re having a baby so why not”. Or the played out excuse = “we’ve been through so much together”. Wrong. My car and I been through a lot together. My gold pumps and I been through a lot together. You have to battle yourself with these dilemmas to be certain that you are making the right decision. Sometimes God throws a giant monkey wreck into our relationships to show us that this is not the one for you. He does it to me all the time. Ironically, that’s the only way I can give up someone I care about.
With that being said, why are you signing a prenuptial agreement? I think that’s the most ridiculous thing to ever agree to. You’re pretty much stating that you both are planning for your marriage & divorce at the same time. And in the most utmost selfish way. The word “prenup” taints marriages. If you have to think twice about marriage, there is no reason to get married. How would you feel if you helped someone build their empire, support it for 10 years and have to walk away from it all with nothing just because they don’t want you anymore? That’s why before you decide to marry someone, you need to know that you are able to commit to that person for the remainder of your life. If you feel that insecure/negative about the woman you choose to marry, then you have no business marrying her. Marriage is about supporting each other for the rest of your life. Therefore, if you end that marriage before death, you are still owed that support.
Does anyone believe in having a soul mate anymore? Or do you think the term was created for us to always have hope with love once it fails? There were a few times I thought I found my soul mate, but I ended up being mistaken. I do know, however, that I haven’t met him yet. On the flipside of rushing into things, A lot of guys seem to be in the habit of “dating” for long periods of time (1-4 years) then suddenly deciding they do not want to marry “you” or be with “you” anymore. I don’t understand why people will waste that much time in a relationship just to have a companion. Ideally, I think you should know after 2 years if you want to marry someone or not. That’s my personal standard. 2 years is good enough time to know whether or not someone is the love of your life. Especially if you’re over the age of 25. At this point, you should know who you are, what you want and the type of mate you want to be with. Indeed, it’s very hard to look into someone eyes and just know for a fact that they’re the perfect match for you. That genuinely, they are the person you want to be with for the rest of your life. That your souls are bonded together. However, it shouldn’t take 5 years to realize such.
Calling someone your soul mate is just as strong as telling them you’re in love with them. May be even stronger than love. Can you see yourself marrying that person? Sharing all of yourself with this person? Bearing their children? Accepting all of their flaws & embracing them as unique gifts without penalizing them about it? If not, then they are not your soul mate. With the divorce rate spilling over 50% in America, it’s time that we stop, look & listen to our minds & hearts before making such hasty decisions. The only person we should marry is someone you can see yourself spending the rest of your life with.
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I feel like I wrote this myself. Preach it girl!! LOL
People are marrying for all of the wrong reasons these days and most of the time it’s because they care too much about what society will think of them if they aren’t married. They follow society’s “guidelines” because they feel like it’s the right thing to do instead of just doing what’s best for them individually. It sucks to watch people mess up their lives the way they do. Marriage shouldn’t be taken so lightly, it should be taken seriously. It seems like no one understands the concept of marriage anymore.
I feel as if some people get married just for
the fun of it . & I don’t think that’s right . But I
guess that’s just how things go in today’s time . I actually notice , marriage isn’t even thought about anymore . I see couples , with the children , house , car , and everything but they don’t want to get married . They’re just like what’s the point , & I just don’t get it .
This is compeletely true. The divorce rate is horrible right now..its sad
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While I DO think people often get married for the wrong reasons, I don’t think it really has anything to do with society or “the fun of it”. I think a lot of people are SO afraid to be alone and without security that they marry quickly rather than waiting for someone who is actually compatible with them. I find myself watching shows like “Bridezillas” all the time, and I’ve heard men say that being with a high strung, nagging, down right bitch is better than being alone. I’ve also heard women say that they want to hurry up and get married so that the man won’t leave them! I can’t say that I blame them for feeling that way, but I certainly don’t condone it. Thankfully there are people in this world who are content enough with the way their lives are, and don’t mind waiting until they marry for love.
Til death do us part is such an overlooked statement. When you say I do, you do and you work on it until there’s nothing left…then you work on it some more. I think some people give up to easily. I think people marry and don’t really know their mate and I think a lot of people marry for the concept of marriage not for the value.
*first time commenter here*
Stumbled in from twentyfourcarat.net
I dunno, I think it’s just SO complicated. I was in a relationship for 5 1/2 years and if you had asked me 2 or 3 years ago, I would’ve sworn I was going to marry that man but he never asked and then it hit me like a lightning bolt – the ex was completely the wrong one and I wasted all that time trying to mold him into The One.
Now I’m in a new relationship with The One and who was he – one of my guy friends for the past TEN years.
Life works in mysterious ways
You wrote this all out very well!! I couldn’t have said it better myself, Chanel. I agree with you wholeheartedly!! 100% I hope others agree with you as I do. I will be sharing this blog with my fellow Tweets!!
Thank you!
I don’t think people know what marriage means anymore. They get married because they are in love with being in love. Because they don’t want to be alone. Because they want a wedding. I actually had someone tell me”well if it don’t work out we’ll just get a divorce”. Its a shame that people enter a marriage so lightly these days.
Even though I agree with everything you said, i also think that its not always cut and dry. Sometimes its not as easy to just walk away, and even though you take the time to feel each other out, people change with time and the person you thought you fell in love with is now someone you dont get along with. The trials you go through in marriage test you and your ability to overcome, but if your the only one seeing the positive you end up with a bitter partner that eventually cheats. Marriage is truly a test of endurance, stamina and teamwork and shouldnt be entered into lightly.
Thank you for your post, Chanel. BTW: I am really feeling the vibe of the new layout.
Anyway, people have married for the “wrong” reasons since time immemorial. Human nature being what it is, people are driven by different factors which may make sense at the time, even love.
As far as soulmates – I think it’s a farce. No such thing.
I have been married for 19 years and love it. However, sometimes I feel like marriage has become “just something that people do.” No one seems to take it seriously anymore. Women have two or three children out of wedlock and wonder why men won’t marry them. Both men and women are cheating on each other in greater numbers. Soon, the institution of marriage as we know it may not exist.
Believe it or not, I too had the 2 year rule. I refused to live with anyone first. I did not have any children first. And yeah, if you couldn’t put a ring on my finger by the end of the second year, it was time for me to move on. Of course, I never told my boyfriends about my rule. However, I strongly believe that men know on that first date if they intend to marry you or if you are just a booty call. I hate to see these stories of women who have been with their men for 10 years and the men still refuse to get married.
In reference to prenups, I never ran across Denzel Washington during my dating years, so one was never required. Seriously, I could go either way with this one. I think that celebrities need them. (Just ask Usher.) However, for the average Joe, I would be offended if he asked me to sign one. This is because we would be building our empire together. This is very possible if you do manage to find your soul mate.