experienced by, Chanel./

“Chanel you’ve been enlightened by love. Love is beautiful, it’s the people who abuse and misuse it that taint it’s essence. Luckily for you, you’ve come across a man who won’t abuse or misuse it. A man who will embrace it’s beauty and allow it to blossom and reach it’s full potential. You have found a man who has fallen for you. Not your image, not your aura, but you. The woman with an intellectual mind, compassionate heart, and strong soul. He sees you, understands your pains, feels your heart’s every beat. He doesn’t hear you, he listens to you, he doesn’t comprehend you, he understands you. He recognizes the true beauty in you. He too has met love.”

I came across that email while I was looking for something else through my gmail. The man (there were plenty of other things I wanted to call him like “fuckboy” or “bitch with a dick” but I’m going to keep it classy) that wrote that letter for me, hated me 6 months later. He ran my name through the mud. Funny how that same love he professed, turns into hate. What is it about love that makes you HATE the person as soon as they exit your life? Does hate really exist or is it an easier way to get over someone? I know they say “mind over matter”, but does it matter when your mind isn’t truly over it? Or maybe, they never loved you in the first place?

Love isn’t meant to be solved. It’s just is. Take heed to these words if you ever find yourself feeling stuck, asking questions. Life & relationships are not about being frozen in place, wondering “Where do I go from here?”. It’s about growth, commitments, love and knowing your path. Sometimes you may just have to fight for love because the other party is simply scared of it. And if you’re the person who’s scared of love, scared of fighting to make things work, scared to make the slightest effort to earn that companionship, you need to do some thorough soul searching. Life is so much better to aim for your desires than not trying at all. I personally prefer to try, and maybe get rejected, than to not knowing at all if it would have worked. I know, I know…easier said than done. But remember….the hardest advice to follow is your own.

No one is meant to be alone. Never believe that saying “We all die alone”. We WHO? You know who dies alone? Hateful people who treat everyone else like shit & with ill intent. I just backspaced about 5 times after that statement because I started to think about the people who are so miserable that they make it their daily business to try to make others miserable as well. I was going in on a different level, and almost scared myself. So I won’t even spoke the words into existence. I don’t need that karma on me.

When I think about life and the events that occur in it, I always wonder what’s the real reason certain things happen. One year can be stress filled and then the next year is eventful. You know how someone can finish pouring their heart to you about a devastating situation and the only thing we’ll probably say is “everything happens for a reason“? Well I have yet to find out that reason. To a lot of things. Why did certain people hurt me the way they did? Why did he say he’s going to be there, just to disappear again the next day? Why did I almost lose my life in that car crash? Why did she have to die the way she did? My only guess is…negative experiences happens in our lives to make us stronger. What won’t break us will make us? It seems like the more positive we get about things and our current situation, negativity tries it’s best to shove it’s head into our life and ruin it. I refuse to let the bad outweigh the good though. I try my best to keep my focus on the good things like bubblegum, dick & weave sales. Just kidding about dick. Not wait, I’m not.

Obviously I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about my past lately. Maybe too much. But sometimes, it’s what you have to do in order to move forward. Yup, I’m about to be cliche and say 2010 will be my year. You watch.