It really seems like the more I progress, the more I work on myself, and the more I rid myself of personality flaws, the people that have been I my life a long time don’t LIKE me anymore. I’m still the same ratchet goofy Chanel, just easier to deal with, not as bitter, and a lot more positive. I don’t even have road rage anymore. And as I come across new people and make new friends, they adore me. They provide me sunlight on my dark days without me even asking. Even treat me better than the people in my own home. I don’t get it? Can anyone shine some light on this?

I posted this on Instagram, and the responses I received had so much clarity and upliftment, I had to blog about it. It really warms my heart when strangers, or even friends, that don’t quite know your situation or what you’re going through can say just the right things to make you feel better.

The Responses:

@dieslowplz
People just can’t accept the new happier you, misery likes company.

@beekillinem
EXACTLY how I’m feeling this morning. ALL NEW FRIENDS! The new ones have been a better friend than the ones I’ve known for years. Better to me than my own “mother” I’d trade her for them any day. My mom been bitter and not happy for me in any relationship I’ve been in since my dad divorced her ass. And now I see why he left. Every single time I’m dating a guy, just on mothers day she got into an argument with the guy I’m dating and told him that “I never liked him” etc. really?? ‘I’ told him that already and we laugh about the shit.

@prissyvibes
Amen. People tend to misinterpret growth and take offense to it. We always keep our basic traits, authenticity will never die. They take offense because they themselves have not evolved into the better person they have potential becoming. And because of this new people, new places, and social statures are always open arms for our “new being”.

@jacquebeee
It’s unfortunate that ‘friends’ don’t want you to change for the better. They want you to be unhappy, stressed & dealing with drama ’cause it’s entertainment for them. Others pretend to want you doing better/being a better person as long as it isn’t better than them. It’s sad. Some people aren’t ready to grow when you are & that’s how friends grow apart.

@anfndukes
Well, everyone can visibly see that you’re much happier and that’s all that matters. I never thought anything was wrong with you before, and so what if people did? You’re funny and goofy and that’s my favorite thing about you! You talk shit about people, but everybody does, you’ve always been super sweet to me, and now you’re only even more sweeter <3

@tallagash
So many people in our lives feel so powerless with controlling their happiness or quality of relationships, any slight change in anyone they attach themselves to makes them panic, strikes them with fear that they’re leaving their grips. Afraid their old tricks, old guilt trips, old remarks and comments are losing their power…they feel like they’re losing themselves as you are finding yours; doing what they never could get uncomfortable and do. When everyone thinks they’re that greatest person in all of their family and friends life, how dare anyone question such delusion by wanting to break away and be there own true self, distancing or even leaving many people behind. The type of people that have the courage to search through themselves and push themselves to grow, are only seeking to do one thing and that is to give the greatest amount of love they can to the universe, to themselves and everything around them. People like that are the ones that gifts of graciousness spoken of in the bible, like love, kindness and goodness, rightfully belong to…after years of giving such to people who never appreciated it or accepted or deserved it, giving it to someone like this, like yourself, is like giving the deaf the gift of sound for the first time in their life. Satisfying, enriching, encouraging.

@naz_
You know, I feel it’s not in the time of need, but rather in the times when everything is going great for you that you see who your real friends are. Because it’s easy to be there for somebody that is hurt or lend them a shoulder to cry on. What is hard instead is to genuinely be happy for somebody else’s success and shine, especially if those people are not shining on their own to begin with. When you are successful and happy you attract people that are in the same predicament as you and for them it’s easy to be honestly happy for you and your achievements and of course they wanna push you even more to be fulfilled. Because they are satisfied with their lives and your “light” doesn’t dim theirs.

Tyasia created a jewelry box for me out of mud clay. She even tried to draw the Chanel sign on it. This was such a thoughtful gift because I have 1 regular jewelry box for cosmetic jewelry, but I was using a shot glass to keep the 3 important earrings I love to wear. This is something I can cherish forever!

Before I was a Mom…
I slept as late as I wanted and never worried about how late I got into bed. I brushed my hair and my teeth everyday.
Before I was a Mom…
I cleaned my house each day. I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby. I didn’t worry whether or not my plants were poisonous. I never thought about immunizations.
Before I was a Mom…
I had never been puked on – Pooped on – Spit on – Chewed on, or Peed on. I had complete control of my mind and My thoughts. I slept all night.
Before I was a Mom…
I never held down a screaming child so that doctors could do tests…or give shots. I never looked into teary eyes and cried. I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin. I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.
Before I was a Mom…
I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn’t want to put it down. I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn’t stop the hurt. I never knew that something so small could affect my life
so much. I never knew that I could love someone so much. I never knew I would love being a Mom.
Before I was a Mom…
I didn’t know the feeling of having my heart outside my body. I didn’t know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby. I didn’t know that bond between a mother and her child. I didn’t know that something so small could make me feel so important.
Before I was a Mom…
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay. I had never known The warmth, The joy, The love, The heartache, The wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom. I didn’t know I was capable of feeling so much before I was a Mom.

Author: Unknown

Disclaimer: Click to enlargen because some of these are gifs!

allow yourself to…
to roam free, without any worries.
to allow your mind, body and soul to relax.
to follow your instincts.
to follow your desires.
to speak your needs.
to follow your heart.

allow yourself to…
make yourself happy. or find a way.
or rather let that “way” find you.
it will eventually happen.
and when it does, don’t fight it.
you’ve yearned for this happiness.
you’ve begged for this feeling of satisfaction.
you needed this slow release of relief.
you’ve fantasized about flying without wings.
just do it.

allow yourself to…
let go.
quit holding yourself back.
speak. do. move. seek. receive. feel.
don’t remain in darkness.
don’t become a prisoner in your own home.
don’t become a prisoner in your own thoughts.

allow yourself to…
have fun. laugh. be judged.
you’re letting life pass you by.
as you watch other lives pass you by.
join them. move with them. look at them.
grab one. breathe with them. be with them.

allow yourself to…
be naked, from the inside out.
let someone see. let everyone see.
exhale when that one person actually recognizes you.
not by description, but by emotion.
don’t feel guilty. feel empowered. feel beautiful.
feel free because you are finally free.
and now, you can finally: smile.

This guy reading the newspaper on the subway is Keanu Reeves:

He watched his girlfriend die. They were about to get married, and she died in a car accident. And also before that she had lost her baby. Since then Keanu avoids serious relationships and having kids.

He’s one of the only Hollywood stars without a Mansion. He said: “I live in a flat, I have everything that I need at anytime, why choose an empty house?”

One of his best friends died by overdose, he was River Phoenix (Joaquin Phoenix’s brother). Almost in the same year Keanu’s father was arrested again.

His younger sister had leukemia. Today she is cured, and he donated 70% of his gains from the movie Matrix to Hospitals that treat leukemia.

In one of his birthdays, he got to a little candy shop and bought him a cake, and started eating alone. If a fan walked by he would talk to them and offer some of the cake.

He doesn’t have bodyguards, and he doesn’t wear fancy clothes.

When they asked him about “Sad Keanu”, he replied:

You need to be happy to live, I don’t.

What is the element that almost guarantees the success and longevity of any relationship? It is fulfilling the emotional needs of our significant other. When we feel good and fulfilled in any relationship, it is because our emotional needs are being met, and when we feel empty and unfulfilled, it is because our emotional needs are not being met.

Stop for a moment and think about your past relationships. Do you see a correlation between your happiness and the fulfillment of your emotional needs? Have you ever had the experience of finding yourself in the same relationship over and over again, despite how different your partners may have seemed at first glance? If you think about it, you will likely see a pattern that revolves around not getting one or more of your emotional needs met. If you look closer, these are probably the same needs that were left unfulfilled in your childhood. Could it be that you have been going from one relationship to the next in search of getting your needs met, yet you keep picking partners who just don’t know how to meet your emotional needs? There is nothing wrong with you. The simple reason that we pick partners who do not meet our emotional needs is that we get stuck in a dynamic of trying to get something that we never had, like chasing the carrot on the stick.

It is time to get your emotional needs met and experience your best possible relationship. So, what emotional needs are we talking about? Emotional needs vary from person to person, but the most common emotional needs are appreciation, understanding, being heard, acknowledgment and respect. All of these needs represent a particular manner in which we show and express love.

Mutually meeting emotional needs in any relationship fosters intimacy, trust and a feeling of great satisfaction. On the other hand, the opposite of meeting emotional needs — criticism, undermining, minimizing and disrespect — all cause separation, resentment and a lack of trust. When we understand this dynamic, we are immediately empowered to improve any relationship.

If you find that you are in a relationship where your needs are not being met, the first thing to do is understand those needs yourself. If you are not meeting them yourself, how can you expect anyone else to meet them? Look at which needs you feel are not being met. Do you often feel unappreciated, unheard, misunderstood or disrespected? You might find that an unmet need appears as a theme in more than one of your relationships. Once you determine which need hasn’t been unsatisfied, don’t throw a pity party. Instead, celebrate that you are one step closer to emotional fulfillment.

Ask yourself the following questions:

1. What is the emotional need that you would like to have met?
2. In what relationships is this need being met?
3. In what relationships is this need not being met?
4. How does it feel when this need is not met?
5. How does it feel when this need is met?
6. Are you meeting this need in yourself? If so, how?
7. Are you meeting this need in others? (If your need is appreciation, for example, do you regularly appreciate others or do you hold back appreciation?)
8. What can you do in order to fulfill this need in yourself?
9. What are the words you like to hear in order to fulfill this need?
10. What are the actions that you like to experience to fulfill this need? (For example, receiving flowers or a card makes you feel appreciated.)

Once you have better clarity about your emotional needs, sit down with your partner and talk about the importance of meeting your needs in the relationship. It is best to approach the conversation from a perspective of wanting to express and share more love rather than pointing out a problem or complaining about the relationship. Remember, you don’t just want to get your emotional needs met, you also want to meet your partner’s needs so that you both experience fulfillment. If you have known this person for a while, you probably can figure out what his/her needs are based on the things they say when you are having arguments. Still, even if you know what your partner’s needs are, allow him/her to explain in their own words. This does not mean that you are responsible for each other’s needs. Don’t be fooled to think that because someone loves you, they know how to treat you. Love doesn’t make you a mind-reader, so ask and share. Ask your partner how he or she wants to be treated and share how you want to be treated in return. The good news is that once you recognize your most important emotional needs and that of your partner, you can create a plan so both of you get your needs met and you both feel fulfilled. After all, everyone just wants to be loved. When we know how to love each other, we create the space for long-lasting, harmonious relationships.

Source: ¹

Have you ever argued with someone to later come to the realization that you’ve both been saying the same thing all along? Words are the most powerful things in the world. Think about it. It’s said that God spoke and things manifested into existence. Humans are an elite species because of our ability to think and verbally communicate.

Now the key to word usage is to use words in which the other party knows and understands; transference of information from one to another. However, we often fail to communicate effectively and somewhere along the line we get lost in translation. Men and women speak different languages. Unfortunately more often than not this lack of understanding causes irreparable damage.

I know several married couples who have never sat down and defined the word marriage. She sees it as a partnership where everything is shared and discussed; an emotional feelings-driven bond that can never be broken. He on the other hand sees marriage as a contract and if one party fails to hold up his or her end of the bargain, the divorce door is always there to open.

Our society puts so much emphasis on the “might as well” “what you waiting for” relationship, people often skip essential steps. They forget to define key terms that will make or break the relationship.

In order to move in any direction with any relationship, a sit-down must occur for both individuals to define what marriage and a relationship means to them. Without clarity, you create a false and distorted image of what should be. You end up setting expectations that will never be met, leaving you unfulfilled and far from satisfied.

That passage is something that one of my clients written. Her website is empoweredstilettos.com. If she continues to blog like this, I may get addicted! Sign up for her mailing list to be notified when her site launches. She’s awesome and she’s all about empowering women AND men.

Source: Stephanie Fleary

I may look complicated with a 26in weave, busy nails, and a million tattoos:
but I am a simple woman that’s very easy to please.

Don’t be afraid of my strong demeanor.
Don’t be intimated of my 26 inches of weave.
Don’t be afraid of my fast walk.
Don’t be intimidated by my fast talk.
Don’t be afraid of what you think I may say or do.
Don’t be intimidated to tell me the truth.
Don’t be afraid to be positive with me.

Don’t be afraid to just talk to me.

I don’t ask to get my hair done. I do my hair myself.
I don’t ask to get my nails done. I pay for it myself.
I don’t ask for shopping sprees. I buy my own shit.
I don’t ask for money. I have my own.
I don’t ask for orgasms. If I get it, I get it. If I don’t, I don’t.
I don’t ask for plastic surgery. I’m beautiful.
I don’t ask for what you think I may say.

All I want is communication, without assumption. All I want is to be treated as I treat you. All I want is to be acknowledged of my progression. All I need is appreciation. Eye contact. Affection. An apology. Emotional safety. Recognition. Romance. Seduction. Respect. Make me laugh. Have a fun day. Optimism.

I’m an open book. I’m a very easy woman to please. So why am I not satisfied?

Life is an on going battle between our hearts and minds. A lot of times we find our minds wanting and needing what our hearts don’t. Whether it’s a friendship, courtship, relationship, or family. It becomes difficult to make decisions. Sometimes we accept advice from the wrong people towards those decisions. Don’t be vulnerable. Don’t go with what someone else think you should do or what they believe in. Go with your heart. Go with what you would hope someone would do for you. Those “Fuck ____” people are the wrong ones to seek advice from. You know who I’m talking about. The ones that are quick to say “Fuck him girl…” with no valid reason why you should get rid of “him”. Or if they do provide a reason, it will be a reason that applies to them and their fucked up past, their fucked up situation, or their fucked up point of views. Yes, it’s very difficult to eliminate the ones you love, but it’s not when the ones you love are the ones that are harmful to you. Even if they’re your own blood. Even if it was done unbeknownst to them. Even if you were paying for their services. But before you can make decisions regarding yourself and others, you must first begin with yourself. What makes you happy? Who do you really want in your life? If you’re not living the way you should, it’s an inevitable drain if you continue with that lifestyle, much less bring someone else along with you. Or shall I say “drag” someone along with you through your own misery. How can you find someone who completes your puzzle, if you have yet to identify all the pieces that you bring to the table? No one in this world has all the pieces to their own puzzle because it takes someone, the right someone, to complete them. You will know it’s the right someone, when both your heart and mind agree on it. And no, it’s not “dysfunctional” when you connect with someone that shares the history or pain with you. Because they also share the same goals, values and passion you honor.

Never turn your back on someone that’s reaching out to you for your help. Especially someone you care about. Especially someone you love. Regardless of what others have to say. They’re not living your life. Only you know what’s best for you. Chances are, they’re jealous or they want you to be just as miserable as they are. And we all know misery loves company. Follow your heart, not what other people have to say.

You don’t need to stick with the family you were born with. You don’t need to stick with the family someone else tells you to. You don’t need to stick with the family of the same race. Family, is about a group of people caring for one another, You encourage the growth and development of each other. Nurturing. Family, is about aiding each other, or just one person, when the going gets rough & assisting them to get back to normal. Help. You don’t turn your back on each other. There’s no room for judgement. You understand each other, you feel each other, you hurt when they’re hurt, you love. Sharing the same blood or last name holds no weight. All it does is state legal fact. Family, the bottom line, is about uplifting  when there is struggle, embracing when their is affection. Appreciation when there is gratitude. A bond, that is tightly among 2 or more people. A place where we seek love from one another. You get it together and figure out a solution when something goes wrong. You pull it together and enforce tough love when it’s time to bring that one stubborn person up.

That is my definition of family. What’s yours?