Did you know the greatest gift you will ever receive in life is when the exact replica of you is born? How can you look into the eyes of a child and never look back? 70% of black mothers are single parents. 70 percent. I’m not sure what is instilled in our men, (especially black men), but it’s time now for everyone to try to make a change. So what if your father wasn’t around. That should be the sole purpose, and motivation, for you to be there for your own child because you have full blown experience in how that feels. Women, please be careful and take heed in who you are choosing to father your child. I know there are situations where unfortunately, you have no clue the man is a deadbeat until AFTER you have the child but guess what…most times…we get those signs. Do not ignore these signs. Set your standards high when you choose who should father your child. You will have to deal with this person for the rest of your life. Whether he’s there not.
Most of you fathers have a fucked up perception of what fatherhood is about. In order to be a true father, you need to be present. You need to spend time with your child and get to know them. There’s a big difference between talking to your child and getting to know your child. You should be able to know within a heartbeat what flavor ice cream they like and why they don’t like going to Math class. Buying nice things are temporary satisfactions to children. You can buy a Barbie doll today, and your daughter will forget about it by next weekend. However, if you spent the day with her, and only her, that gift will last a lifetime. It becomes a memory and you can never throw those away, nor will they expire. This is why you need to get your act together now, before it’s too late. Don’t allow your child to form a negative opinion about you. Once that crosses their mind, it’ll take years for their perception of you to be replaced with something good. So what if you don’t like your child’s mother anymore. So what if she’s crazy. Has these reasons ever stopped you from having sex with her? So why they stop you from embracing a human being that the both of you created? A part of you? There are ways to still nurture and raise your child without having to deal with the drama. Mature adults are capable to put their differences aside and come together as parents to do what’s best for their children. Regardless what differences they may have within each other. The child should not be punished due to that.
We, mothers, are sacrificing ourselves more these days. And not just financially. Our entire livelihood as changed because we are the sole providers for our children. We’re the ones who has to wake up at 5am, Monday through Friday. Not only to get ourselves ready for work, but to prepare our kids for school. Then once the work day is over, we’re the ones who has to come home, help them with homework, provide dinner on the table, and talk to them about any concerns or issues they have for the day. It’s 8pm by time you realize it. Let’s not forget that we do not have the luxury to come and go as we please. A child is like a purse. You cannot leave home without bringing it with you. With that being said, we have to turn down more party invites, dates, house guests, the way we speak, who we speak to, the way we look, our goals, our future….our entire way of living. This is a life long sacrifice that 2 people are supposed to make. Not just one. Now with that being said, do you really think by just sliding us a few hundred dollars per month is going to compensate and fulfill your role as a parent? All you’re giving up is a couple of dollars. We’re giving up that and also ourselves. Let’s try to flip it a bit to see if you can a better sense of what I’m talking about. How would you feel if you were craving attention, affection, love and commitment from a woman who claims she loves you but instead of giving you that, she slides you $200 per month, while patting herself on the back as if she’s the perfect girlfriend. Along with the $200, she’s only came to see you twice. Has she met your needs? Is that good enough to have a faithful long-lasting relationship? Wouldn’t you seek elsewhere to fill in that void?
This is not about me, it’s not about you, it’s not about us. It’s about our sons. It’s about our daughters. Our children. Let’s get over ourselves and focus more on the innocent. Because surely, it’s not their fault. If we do this more, there will be less single mothers struggling, there will be less disharmony in our communities, there will be better & stronger relationships and marriages will last 50 years like our great-grandparents. The cycle will be broken once a change is made.
We need fathers to realize that responsibility does not end at conception. We need them to realize that what makes you a man is not the ability to have a child – it’s the courage to raise one. We need to help all the mothers out there who are raising these kids by themselves; the mothers who drop them off at school, go to work, pick up them up in the afternoon, work another shift, get dinner, make lunches, pay the bills, fix the house, and all the other things it takes both parents to do. So many of these women are doing a heroic job, but they need support. They need another parent. Their children need another parent. That’s what keeps their foundation strong. It’s what keeps the foundation of our country strong.
Barack Obama 2008 Father’s Day Speech – Source
The first is setting an example of excellence for our children – because if we want to set high expectations for them, we’ve got to set high expectations for ourselves. It’s great if you have a job; it’s even better if you have a college degree. It’s a wonderful thing if you are married and living in a home with your children, but don’t just sit in the house and watch “SportsCenter” all weekend long. That’s why so many children are growing up in front of the television. As fathers and parents, we’ve got to spend more time with them, and help them with their homework, and replace the video game or the remote control with a book once in awhile. That’s how we build that foundation.
Hurry up and make some changes men. Because soon, your child will be calling someone else “daddy“, if they even call you that. Why would you want another man to take credit for something so beautiful, that you helped created?
By alexis belon, August 31, 2008 at 12:37 pm
idk if it’s just my imagination but it seems like all of my friends without fathers seek validation from men. it’s sad to see. and i credit my self esteem to all those years of my father telling me i was the most beautiful girl in the world. it’s just not the same for a girl to hear it from her mom. i wish men understood this.
make sure you tell all your viewers to register to vote. and not just to vote…but to vote for OBAMA. the time is approaching.
By chanel, August 31, 2008 at 12:50 am
Yeah I’m in the works of putting the voting info in my sidebar underneath his sexy ass picture. :blogyc:
By Miss April Joy, September 1, 2008 at 8:20 am
I count my blessings everyday and thank God that he blessed me with a father who has been there for me even before I was born. I wish there were more men out there who would accept the fact it took more than one person to make the baby and its gonna take more than one to take care of the baby. I loved the quote you said about “so what if the baby mama is crazy she wasn’t crazy to sleep with her”…so true. I love the Obama support on the sidebar
By Miss April Joy, September 1, 2008 at 8:22 am
Ok i so just realized you changed your site name? Any particular reason??
By chanel, September 1, 2008 at 12:08 pm
It was time for a change. 5 years is a long time for a personal site. :blog6:
By Angela, September 2, 2008 at 8:22 am
Hey girl, How have you been?
I absolutely love this post. It’s 100% truth. Thank you for writing it, it actually gave me a lump in my throat. Being the only parent is hard, and not only to these so called men need to step up and be fathers, but they should acknowledge what we as women do for them. Most of them had mothers.. it’s sad how they can disrespect another mother in that way.
Anyway, I like the site name. I was confused at first thinking “Another Chanel, wtf?”
Hope all is well with you.
By chanel, September 2, 2008 at 9:43 pm
I’ve been great sweetie. I miss our talks! :blogyy:
By Destiny, September 2, 2008 at 11:38 am
Glad to see that your site is up and running now!! It definitely came to me as a surprise that you did change your site.
I think this is an exceptionally great post. I agree… fathers, it’s time to take a stand. Unfortunately men probably grew up with more twisted concepts than women did and that’s the sad part of it all.
By Shannon, September 2, 2008 at 1:09 pm
This was definitely a great post. I love it! As a single mother I must say that I completely agree. I am grateful that my son’s father is there for him because my father wasn’t there for me and I would never want my son to go through the same thing that I did. I’ve also realized and even after reading that excerpt from Obama, even when people are married, the mother still plays a pretty huge role. She’s almost always the one who’s with the children and doing things for and with the children. Even though the father is present, most of the time she is still the one who’s doing almost everything. Sometimes I think that when fathers see us ( mothers) they believe that because we’re mothers and we’re doing our jobs the way we’re supposed to it’s alright for the fathers to kind of lay back from the situation as a parent. Although I strongly believe that a child can still turn out to be a great person raised in a single parent home, there’s still always that need for more from both parents. Being a parent is a full-time job, as I always say.
By chanel, September 3, 2008 at 2:59 pm
They also mistake our humbleness for ease. Just because we don’t complain much, doesn’t mean the job is easy.
By Tiffany, September 2, 2008 at 5:57 pm
I totally feel you on that. Me && my sister had a conversation yesterday about how people just keep popping babies out like its nothing, and how theyre not even financially or mentally stable enough to take care of themselves, how can they take care of a child? its not even about the financial part bcuz u can get on your feet. but sometimes people will never be ready to be a parent, even when the child is 20.
& I know for a fact some females out there get pregnant on purpose and it be guys that be like im not ready you kno.. but they have the baby anyway to keep the man in their life.. well they think a baby is going to hold them.. idk some peoples situations are different. but I totally feel what your saying. Men need to wake up and realize how strong a woman is if they can bring a child into the world and raise them alone. they got the hard part.. how the fuck much harder is it for the man to just support and be there for the child. at least sometimes..
By Aoki, September 2, 2008 at 11:58 pm
I’m very thankful for my father.
He’s taught me ALOT!!! He’s the reason why I’m so mature and polite. I dont know what I would do without him.
By Fade, September 3, 2008 at 2:35 pm
I agree with of some of the issues you bring to light in this entry. It is true that men, especially our brethren within the African American community, have let us down when it comes to the art of child rearing. However, like the “CNN in Black America” special pointed out, it is time for we as women to hold the fathers of our children responsible for holding up their end of the bargain in raising their child. We as women have become complacent with the idea of being single mothers and raising our children without the aid of his/her father. It is time that we hold them accountable. As essential as fresh air is to the lungs, the same essentiality exists in the importance of having both parents as active participants in the upbringing of one’s child.
I’m not just speaking on the economics, either. As much as my father took an active part in my upbringing, the spiritual and emotional pieces were a missing element in our relationship. My father aided with my homework, was around for the discipline; the lack of a spiritual and emotional connection with him has had its consequences, especially as it relates to my ability to connect with my boyfriend/male friends, today.
The issue is even more complexed within our community (the black community). But I’m not going to get on the black community like the rest of America’s shit don’t stink.
By chanel, September 3, 2008 at 2:58 pm
Amen and welcome to my site! :pray:
By Jenny, September 3, 2008 at 7:55 pm
Both me and my mom grew up without a father. For me, it’s not a big deal. I don’t cry about it every night, and every time I think about my father, I don’t get angry. He left me when I was three, and my mom said I got very sick after that. But shortly after, it was like I completely forgot about him. I grew up without a father, but I’m just fine having a mother. :blogyc:
It’s funny how my mind goes completely blank when I think about my ‘dad’. It’s like I don’t really care about him… I don’t even know what to think of him. :giggle:
By Kate, September 23, 2008 at 2:44 am
I thanked god every day that i had a dad growing up. My dad told me all the time that i was special and beautiful. Even now that he’s dead i can hear him saying your beautiful Kate.
Most of friends didn’t have that. most of then are single moms now and most of their dad’s are not around.
By Shellowooo, February 10, 2011 at 7:22 pm
I just don’t know how someone could sum up the role of a father so simply. It is sad but true the point you raised about it being difficult to change a negative perception once it’s formed. I’m battling with forgving my father and it’s a day-to-day struggle. Sometimes I forget he exists. But this post reminds me of the parent who has always been there to support and aid me through every success, trauma, fallen tooth, bump and graze.
Thank you.