Being cheated on. How does it make you feel? It makes you feel like you’re not good enough. You start questioning yourself. You start feeling inferior. The confidence you had within yourself disappeared. You suddenly don’t feel attractive anymore. You try to figure out when and where did you go wrong. Should I forgive him? Am I to take her back? Was it really because he was drunk? Did I really chase her into someone else arms? When that confusion sets in, you feel like you’re in a maze of deceit and uncertainty.
There’s been this ongoing debate about infidelity and which one is worse: Being cheated on physically or being cheated on emotionally. I believe emotional infidelity is much worse than the physical. If you’re wondering what’s the difference I will tell you. Physical cheating is about sex, getting satisfaction from someone else touch, whether you’re kissing, hugging, being affectionate and of course…having sex. Emotional cheating is when you’re connecting to someone on an emotional level by spending time with them, having that mental attachment, and keeping in contact on a daily basis. Yes, I consider “getting to know someone better” by using an internet venue cheating as well. Those personal daily emails, text messages and instant messages with the opposite sex are inappropriate if you’re in a relationship. Meeting a person from the internet is also a major no-no. The time you possibly spent to get to know them better and then to prepare a time and date to go meet them? That’s crossing the line, even if it is just a “friend”. If that “friend” wasn’t there before the relationship, they shouldn’t be there now. Same thing goes for co-workers, church members, and the cashier at the supermarket. There’s no need to create more friends of the opposite sex. That’s the point of being in a relationship. That person is supposed to be your main source of satisfaction.
Point is, I strongly believe being cheated on emotionally is worse than physically. He had sex with her once and left her alone. It’s bad, but not as bad as him spending time with her, taking her out on dates, paying her bills and crying on her shoulder when things go bad. He’s living 2 lives and becoming more and more attached to this other woman. And all during this time, he’s not talking to you anymore, not spending time with the kids, always “working late” and haven’t had sex with you in 2 months. He’s respectfully saving himself for her. She may know about you, she may not. But more than likely, she doesn’t know about you. How can you mend a relationship after that? After knowing that your partner has started a new life with someone else? Once you find out (81% of men won’t admit to it, even after asking¹) how do you cope with it? Do you forgive him and move on or do you lay down the laws of betrayal and give him a 2nd chance?
There are times in our life where we cheat ourselves. Have you ever decided to do something different with your life, but end up defending those ideals? Then what usually happens next? You lose all of your motivation. You ever decided to not go for it at all? You were so excited about your new inner discovery and all it took was one person to knock those dreams out of existence. Isn’t it funny how impressionable we become at our most vulnerable moments? We let our guards down for 5 minutes and during those 5 minutes, we receive painful reminders of why we had our guards up in the first place. People tend to forget the main fact: We only have one life to live. It’s not like you’ll get another chance to do the things you dream of doing. So why hold yourself back due to the negative opinion of others? Let them say what they want to say. Let them believe what they want to believe. I need constructive criticism and some sort of background or history as to why someone wouldn’t support me in a decision. Ignorance is bliss. If I decide to go back to school to become a teacher because I love helping children and I have a passion in education, don’t grill me down about how teachers don’t get paid much and the economy is bad and blah blah blah. Did you NOT hear what I said? My priority is not how much I would make as a teacher but the impact I can provide towards our children & their education. When I express my goals to you, I am seeking support, not backlash. Close minded people usually act this way. But most of all, it usually comes from someone who’s envious of you. Instead of praising your accomplishments and goals, they want to shit all over your parade to make you feel as low as they do.
Don’t cheat yourself out of your dreams.
Source: ¹Men Who Cheat
follow me,
Hey Sugar Face,
First fix your third sentence, I think you are missing the word “not.”
I just wanted to say as a cheater, (the emotional not the physical kind usually), often people end up in relationships where they feel like they can not be themselves, but they feel an obligation to the relationship for whatever reason. Could be marriage or children, but ultimately they have reached a point where they feel they can not communicate without fear of backlash or penalty. Cheating, for me, is generally not the product of just my wanting to venture out, it is a product also of some sort of rejection I am unable to overcome in my existing situation.
In anycase, of course all repair starts within – and I am working on my responsibility as it pertains to being faithful in my relationships… BUT, there is a certain amount of responsibility that comes with a relationship for both parties to discourage cheating..
Later,
B.
Thanks for the typo! I used to be a cheater myself and when I figured out the reason why I cheated, I made sure I don’t commit myself to someone I can’t love entirely anymore.
As a person who has been cheated on both emotionally and physically, both ways tear down a piece of your heart that will never be repaired! From that, I have learned to go with my gut and hold nothing back b/c i refuse to be played or hurt more than once by the same person as long as I can prevent it. I would agree tho that emotional cheating is way worse than the physical. Because of these experiences, I am left with a doubting heart so even now that i have someone who I BELIEVE loves me and would never heart me, I can always find some way to doubt his fidelity….time heals all wounds i guess. I really loved this piece Chanel!
I’ve never cheated and I’ve never understood the logic in doing so. Some people accept it, but, I can’t see myself ever accepting a cheater, even if the person tells me he’s going to change and sincerely means it. In my opinion, there isn’t an excuse for it. If I ever felt the need to cheat, I would just exit the relationship I have because obviously there’s something wrong with it.
I agree that emotional cheating is worse. The thing that binds two companions is emotional & mental. It’s a very special bond and for someone to share that bond with someone else is hurtful.
Your blog made a very good point. I got curious around the part about online cheating. Now most of the time i’m online i’m talking to old friends and such .. well my significant other doesnt like it :blogxx: . But we really don’t talk about much. I think the part she hates is about them being an old crush or dressing like a guy. I dont have a problem with not talking to them when she ask. But afterwards I do feel a little sorry about it :blogmmy: , But I know to never stop out of my boundaries. I never looked at it as going out of the line :blogoo: , I guess I just like to talk a lot, maybe? I love talking to my girlfriend and spending time with her :love:. So maybe I do need to stop cheating with others!
The reason why I cheated in the past was because I wasn’t attracted to them anymore. I was attached to my boyfriends emotionally but physically the attraction wasn’t there. I didn’t sleep around but I sure did kiss other guys, lol. The last relationship I cheated was in 2001 (I was 22) so I’ve give up on the cheating YEARS ago.
I definitely agree with you on the emotional cheating part of your blog. Cheating period is bad, one night stands are bad, having a fling is bad..but actually having a girlfriend spending money on her, talking to her everyday, have “us” time.. thats way worse because its feelings involved.. and u start to think like damn? did I not listen to him when he told me how is day went? am i too boring? whats wrong with me?
ive never really had a relationship, but i always seen what happened to others.. and it made me even more picky with guys because im always scared that my heart is gonna get broken. that im gonna get cheated on. because it happens SO MUCH. that its becoming to be normal.. even to the point to where the “WIFEYS” are ok with “him” having “cuddle buddies” as long as theyre the main chick? Im pretty old school. n I think that is retarded. keep one girl. keep one guy! wtf is the point? smh.
Hey, for starters I really liked your blog post
. Though I never been in a relationship I do think that emotional cheating would do more damage to the mind. I’ve had friends who’ve went through situations like cheating and I watched how they handled it, which in most cases were pretty good. Maybe when I do start to mingle or find someone I won’t have that idea of him cheating on me or hurting me, hopefully lol.
I agree that emotional cheating is worse than physical cheating, because it’s so much more personal!
Strangely enough I’ve just decided to take my life in a different direction because I realised my life is mine. I still have the same main goal, I just want to do other things before working directly towards it!
Hey doll. Good post. I cheated once at 18 and honestly regretted it because of the person i was then. I cheated and broke up with my ‘then’ bf on a holiday. He never knew i cheated though but still i felt like karma came back like a sonofabitch. Also thats not the type of person that I am. I dont think i would do it again because I think everything comes back tenfold. Im scurry like that