Thoughts | chanel.

not a robot.

February 19, 2012
1 Comment
reality, thoughts
emotions, reality

I have so much on my mind, so many things I want to say, but pride won’t allow me to. I used to like to get opinions from total strangers sometimes. Because they’re unbiased. I used to vent to whoever was willing to listen, but they used it against me. So now I’ve become this extremely private person. I blame this on people that are uncomfortable with showing their own feelings. I blame this on the new assholes. Not the people that are truly assholes. It’s the ones that think if they act like an asshole, people will like them more. People will gravitate towards them more. Smart ones, like myself, see right through that bullshit. Gullible ones, that are also lost in trying to find their identity, fall for it.

It’s gotten to the point where people think being human is lame. Having a flaw is frowned upon. Caring is for wimps. Everything and everyone is “perfect” now. No one has problems, no one is lonely, no ones’ bills are past due, and no one fucks ugly people. Everyone has the fliest car, the best body, and the greatest sex. While having high self-esteem is a great thing. But most times, being realistic is a better approach. Don’t be afraid to say “I wish I was making more money”. Don’t be afraid to say “Maybe I shouldn’t drink tonight just to fit in”.

Don’t be afraid to care. I think that’s what’s missing in society today. Everyone is giving off this “I don’t give a fuck” vibe, while giving a fuck. The more you preach to me about not giving a fuck, the more I believe you do give a fuck.

And for the sake of humanity, quit trolling the social media sites spraying your negativity on people just because you’re not happy with your life. The only people that cheer you on are the ones that are also miserable.

revolving door.

November 20, 2011
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thoughts
obstacles, success

When one door shuts, another one opens. – Author Unknown

This is how I feel about my life right now. Something happened recently that made me feel as though things were going to turn for the worse. Oddly, it didn’t. It should have, but it didn’t! Things only got better. New opportunities arose to expand my side hustle as a web designer, my health is at it’s best, and I’ve been losing weight (15lbs in less than 2 months). Kyle’s career is kicking off with this new opportunity for him working in Human Resources, and my weave has been behaving itself.

I say all of this because I’m bringing light to a situation that had the potential to ruin my life. I was backstabbed by my own “mentor”. I’m not going to try to figure out why it happened. That’s what I used to do. Stress myself out seeking for a reason why I was hurt, why was I lied to, why is this happening to me. You know the “oh woe is me” drama we place on ourselves when we get fucked over. All I can do is overcome the betrayal, and make sure that it doesn’t place a long standing negative effect in my life. And it didn’t. That betrayal actually helped me advance in so many ways. It opened doors for myself and for my family.

While a part of me is still kind of sore from what happened, the better part of me is ecstatic at the fact that my life is so much better now that I don’t have to deal with certain things anymore. I definitely was settling for less in my career, I was becoming more and more stressed out, and my health was deteriorating. i became a doormat and was losing myself in the process.

With all of that said, I am very thankful for that particular door closing on me. Without that, I wouldn’t have a peace of mind today.

rule #153.

September 16, 2011
1 Comment
thoughts
self-esteem, strength

september 11th.

September 11, 2011
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thoughts
09/11/01, America

10 years ago today. I was still living in New York when 9/11 occurred. I was attending Kingsborough Community College at the time, pursuing a degree in Mental Health. Our school is located on Manhattan Beach. Even though it was in Brooklyn, they called it Manhattan Beach because you can see the buildings of Manhattan just across the water. You could also see the smoke coming from the towers. My daughter was only 3 at the time. My best friend Nell and I left the school after the 2nd building was hit. Our drive home took over 3 hours, when it was really a 15 minute drive. There were people on the streets covered in debris and blood, and thousands of cars trying to get back home. Palestinians were shown on our televisions rejoicing and celebrating that America was under attack. Everyone blamed the Arabs, President Bush, or each other. And what most people don’t know is that you were able to smell the dead bodies, all the way in Brooklyn, for weeks afterwards.

Rest in peace to the innocent people that died on 9/11/01. I salute the ones who died and the ones that give their lives so we don’t have to sacrifice what we love.

that’s me.

December 27, 2010
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thoughts
beauty, emotions, poetry

“phenomenal woman”

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies
I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size
But when I start to tell them
They think I’m telling lies.
I say,
It’s in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It’s the fire in my eyes
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing of my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can’t touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them,
They say they still can’t see.
I say
It’s in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Now you understand
Just why my head’s not bowed.
I don’t shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It’s in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
The palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
‘Cause I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

by Maya Angelou

Older posts

not a robot.

revolving door.

rule #153.

september 11th.

that’s me.

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