There are several different types of adult bullies, and it helps to know how they operate:

Narcissistic Adult Bully: This type of adult bully is self-centered and does not share empathy with others. Additionally, there is little anxiety about consequences. He or she seems to feel good about him or herself, but in reality has a brittle narcissism that requires putting others down.

Impulsive Adult Bully: Adult bullies in this category are more spontaneous and plan their bullying out less. Even if consequences are likely, this adult bully has a hard time restraining his or her behavior. In some cases, this type of bullying may be unintentional, resulting in periods of stress, or when the bully is actually upset or concerned about something unconnected with the victim.

Physical Bully: While adult bullying rarely turns to physical confrontation, there are, nonetheless, bullies that use physicality. In some cases, the adult bully may not actually physically harm the victim, but may use the threat of harm, or physical domination through looming. Additionally, a physical bully may damage or steal a victim’s property, rather than physically confronting the victim.

Verbal Adult Bully: Words can be quite damaging. Adult bullies who use this type of tactic may start rumors about the victim, or use sarcastic or demeaning language to dominate or humiliate another person. This subtle type of bullying also has the advantage - to the bully - of being difficult to document. However, the emotional and psychological impacts of verbal bullying can be felt quite keenly and can result in reduced job performance and even depression.

Secondary Adult Bully: This is someone who does not initiate the bullying, but joins in so that he or she does not actually become a victim down the road. Secondary bullies may feel bad about what they are doing, but are more concerned about protecting themselves.

Just know bullying or hate never win in the end. One day there will be a higher power in which you will have to answer too, so always do good by yourself and others!

Source: ¹

Drained. When you’re the one that’s stuck appeasing everyone in your life, you miss out on your own happiness. You miss out on enjoying things yourself. Then it hits you: you’re tired. You become overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with emotions, feelings and neglect. Because while you’re running around trying to please everyone, no one is running around trying to please you. How do you stop the cycle without losing the people that you love? How do you express your feelings about it, without blowing up because of the frustration?

What if the selfish person is the person you’re in a relationship with? Even though a healthy relationship should be about give and take, in some relationships, selfishness reigns supreme. If your spouse seems forever concerned only about himself, his self-centered ways could put quite the strain on your union. While overcoming this natural tendency to be selfish isn’t something that you can do overnight, with effort you may be able to make him more aware of his selfish ways and perhaps even encourage him to change.

1. Tell him how you feel. Even if you feel your mate’s selfishness is incredibly apparent, he may not see this. Instead of assuming that your mate knows that his behavior is selfish, make your feelings clear. Avoid name-calling when expressing your feelings, but instead focus on simply telling him how you feel and how his lack of attention to your feelings is hurting you emotionally.

2. Write your mate a note. If you struggle with words when speaking to your mate about complex issues such as selfishness face-to-face, express yourself through writing. Compose a letter in which you explain your concerns. By presenting your ideas in written form, you may be able to make it appear less like you are attacking him.

3. Practice compromise. For your mate to be less selfish, he will need to compromise. Start to require compromises for small things, such as selecting a restaurant for dinner, to get your mate used to the idea. By starting small, you can make the transition from selfishness to accommodation a bit less taxing.

4. Insist upon counseling. If your best efforts prove fruitless, counseling may be necessary. If you simply can’t live with your marriage as it stands, demand that your mate go to counseling with you. Although making this demand will likely not be an easy thing to do, it is easier than continuing to exist in a situation in which you are unhappy.

Source: ¹

When you stop chasing the wrong things you give
the right things a chance to catch you.

As Maria Robinson once said, “Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”  Nothing could be closer to the truth.  But before you can begin this process of transformation you have to stop doing the things that have been holding you back.

30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself:
1. Stop spending time with the wrong people. – Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.  If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you.  You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot.  Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth.  And remember, it’s not the people that stand by your side when you’re at your best, but the ones who stand beside you when you’re at your worst that are your true friends.
2. Stop running from your problems. – Face them head on.  No, it won’t be easy.  There is no person in the world capable of flawlessly handling every punch thrown at them.  We aren’t supposed to be able to instantly solve problems.  That’s not how we’re made.  In fact, we’re made to get upset, sad, hurt, stumble and fall.  Because that’s the whole purpose of living – to face problems, learn, adapt, and solve them over the course of time.  This is what ultimately molds us into the person we become.
3. Stop lying to yourself. – You can lie to anyone else in the world, but you can’t lie to yourself.  Our lives improve only when we take chances, and the first and most difficult chance we can take is to be honest with ourselves.
4. Stop putting your own needs on the back burner. – The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too.  Yes, help others; but help yourself too.  If there was ever a moment to follow your passion and do something that matters to you, that moment is now.
5. Stop trying to be someone you’re not. – One of the greatest challenges in life is being yourself in a world that’s trying to make you likeeveryone else.  Someone will always be prettier, someone will always be smarter, someone will always be younger, but they will never be you.  Don’t change so people will like you.  Be yourself and the right people will love the real you.
6. Stop trying to hold onto the past. – You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading your last one.
7. Stop being scared to make a mistake. – Doing something and getting it wrong is at least ten times more productive than doing nothing.  Every success has a trail of failures behind it, and every failure is leading towards success.  You end up regretting the things you did NOT do far more than the things you did.
8. Stop berating yourself for old mistakes. – We may love the wrong person and cry about the wrong things, but no matter how things go wrong, one thing is for sure, mistakes help us find the person and things that are right for us.  We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past.  But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future.  Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
9. Stop trying to buy happiness. – Many of the things we desire are expensive.  But the truth is, the things that really satisfy us are totally free – love, laughter and working on our passions.
10. Stop exclusively looking to others for happiness. – If you’re not happy with who you are on the inside, you won’t be happy in a long-term relationship with anyone else either.  You have to create stability in your own life first before you can share it with someone else.
11. Stop being idle. – Don’t think too much or you’ll create a problem that wasn’t even there in the first place.  Evaluate situations and take decisive action.  You cannot change what you refuse to confront.  Making progress involves risk.  Period!  You can’t make it to second base with your foot on first.
12. Stop thinking you’re not ready. – Nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises.  Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow beyond our comfort zones, which means we won’t feel totally comfortable at first.
13. Stop getting involved in relationships for the wrong reasons. – Relationships must be chosen wisely.  It’s better to be alone than to be in bad company.  There’s no need to rush.  If something is meant to be, it will happen – in the right time, with the right person, and for the best reason. Fall in love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely.
14. Stop rejecting new relationships just because old ones didn’t work. – In life you’ll realize that there is a purpose for everyone you meet.  Some will test you, some will use you and some will teach you.  But most importantly, some will bring out the best in you.
15. Stop trying to compete against everyone else. – Don’t worry about what others doing better than you.  Concentrate on beating your own records every day.  Success is a battle between YOU and YOURSELF only.
16. Stop being jealous of others. – Jealousy is the art of counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own.  Ask yourself this:  “What’s something I have that everyone wants?”
17. Stop complaining and feeling sorry for yourself. – Life’s curveballs are thrown for a reason – to shift your path in a direction that is meant for you.  You may not see or understand everything the moment it happens, and it may be tough.  But reflect back on those negative curveballs thrown at you in the past.  You’ll often see that eventually they led you to a better place, person, state of mind, or situation.  So smile!  Let everyone know that today you are a lot stronger than you were yesterday, and you will be.
18. Stop holding grudges. – Don’t live your life with hate in your heart.  You will end up hurting yourself more than the people you hate.  Forgiveness is not saying, “What you did to me is okay.”  It is saying, “I’m not going to let what you did to me ruin my happiness forever.”  Forgiveness is the answer… let go, find peace, liberate yourself!  And remember, forgiveness is not just for other people, it’s for you too.  If you must, forgive yourself, move on and try to do better next time.
19. Stop letting others bring you down to their level. – Refuse to lower your standards to accommodate those who refuse to raise theirs.
20. Stop wasting time explaining yourself to others. – Your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe it anyway.  Just do what you know in your heart is right.
21. Stop doing the same things over and over without taking a break. – The time to take a deep breath is when you don’t have time for it.  If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting.  Sometimes you need to distance yourself to see things clearly.
22. Stop overlooking the beauty of small moments. – Enjoy the little things, because one day you may look back and discover they were the big things.  The best portion of your life will be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you.
23. Stop trying to make things perfect. – The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists, it rewards people who get things done.
24. Stop following the path of least resistance. – Life is not easy, especially when you plan on achieving something worthwhile.  Don’t take the easy way out.  Do something extraordinary.
25. Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn’t. – It’s okay to fall apart for a little while.  You don’t always have to pretend to be strong, and there is no need to constantly prove that everything is going well.  You shouldn’t be concerned with what other people are thinking either – cry if you need to – it’s healthy to shed your tears.  The sooner you do, the sooner you will be able to smile again.
26. Stop blaming others for your troubles. – The extent to which you can achieve your dreams depends on the extent to which you take responsibility for your life.  When you blame others for what you’re going through, you deny responsibility – you give others power over that part of your life.
27. Stop trying to be everything to everyone. – Doing so is impossible, and trying will only burn you out.  But making one person smile CAN change the world.  Maybe not the whole world, but their world.  So narrow your focus.
28. Stop worrying so much. – Worry will not strip tomorrow of its burdens, it will strip today of its joy.  One way to check if something is worth mulling over is to ask yourself this question: “Will this matter in one year’s time?  Three years?  Five years?”  If not, then it’s not worth worrying about.
29. Stop focusing on what you don’t want to happen. – Focus on what you do want to happen.  Positive thinking is at the forefront of every great success story.  If you awake every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in your life today, and you pay close attention, you’ll often find that you’re right.
30. Stop being ungrateful. – No matter how good or bad you have it, wake up each day thankful for your life.  Someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs.  Instead of thinking about what you’re missing, try thinking about what you have that everyone else is missing.

Source: 1

You’re the only person responsible for your happiness. One of our main goals in life is to not be dependent on someone else. To take strides within our own paths in a route that we’ve created, on our own, as the years have gone by. Why let someone else conditions place a restriction in your path or on who you are? Yes I understand we’re influenced by at least one person in our lives, but that doesn’t mean it’s okay to clone their behavior & follow in their negative footsteps. If my mother’s greatest attribute is always giving a helping hand, yet, her least appealing attribute is her addiction to drugs, which one you think is best to pick up? With that being said, spare me the drama and the tear sheds of whoever, whenever, why ever such & such made you act the way you do. All that tells me is that you’re more weak minded than I thought. Mature people with strong minds gives no excuses for their actions. They embrace their shortcomings and if it affects others, they will try their best to fix it. Stop giving the word “influence” so much power. According to dictionary.com, influence means “To affect the nature, development, or condition of.” Interesting. Looks to me, it can work both ways. Positive & negative. Yet, you chose the negative (otherwise known as the meek) route. I really don’t care what you’ve been through to be honest. Granted, scars don’t heal but they are not meant to be the blue print of the rest of your experiences in life. I was raised on getting beatings (or the more politically correct term, spanking) however, the way I raise my daughter is the total opposite of that. Not once have I ever used a belt on her or threatened her physically. And guess what? Her mannerism is outstanding.

Too many people have allowed themselves to remain in situations that are unproductive. All of this blame we place on everyone else for the things we’re unable to do for ourselves are becoming a bit tedious. If you ask me I think it’s all a crock of shit. All this blame being placed on other people is just holding your own life back. While you’re sitting there feeling sorry for yourself because of what someone else did or did not do. Own up to your shit and flip it to something positive. I know for a fact that you know at least one person who was raised a certain way and exposed to certain things and have become the total opposite of what’s been instilled in their mind. Aren’t you one of those people?

As long as you find someone else to blame for anything you are doing, you cannot be held accountable or responsible for your growth or the lack of it.

If you spend more time figuring out your own life, instead of mine, you’ll be a much better person. Take the separation for what it is, and just step.¹

You can be jealous of someone for as long as you like. You can talk shit about them for as much as you like. You can try to break them down for as much as you like. At the end of the day, they will always have something that you don’t and they will continuing to strive to be better than you. So all of your weak attempts will go null and void, however, karma’s watching. Be careful of what you do to other people.

¹This blog is a throwback. Originally posted on June 1st 2009.

1) “She doesn’t post body pictures, therefore she’s fat.”
When you take pictures of yourself, most of the time you’re focused on your face. Just because you don’t take a picture of something, doesn’t mean it’s of the negative. A lot of people believe it’s not necessary for everyone to see what they’re “working with” or to post pictures of their body parts. While the occasional party, hanging at the mall, karaoke pictures are posted, most people are not thinking about taking a picture to post online when they’re actually outside enjoying life.

2) “She’s photoshopped.”
Just because someone has great skin, or because they enhanced the brightness or contrast of an image, doesn’t necessarily means she’s “photshopped”. The baffling idea that someone would photoshop their nose smaller, or butt bigger is one thing, but to claim someone is photoshopped just because they’re actually attractive shows how insecure you are. Most pictures are taken by cellphones these days, which means the quality of the image doesn’t come out that great. Granted you have women that photoshop themselves beyond recognition, but most of the time, the pictures are just being touched up for better quality. People used to (still do actually) accused me of photoshopping. Of what…I don’t know. Truth be told, if I were to photoshop something, I’d erase these hereditary bags away. But I’ve learned to live with my flaw being that it’s a family trait. Now if I turned my bubbies from a 36D to a 36HHH, we got problems.

3) “Men that compliment women are gay.”
Wait a minute. I thought gay men don’t like women? Not regular men who are able to show a queen some respect. A man that shows women respect online is more than likely to be called a pansy than the one who sits around all day disrespecting women. I blame their insecurities and the fact that they’re unable to handle rejection. Or little dick syndrome.

4) “If you don’t post pictures of it, it doesn’t exist.”
Not everyone wants to show off their new car, son’s birthday outfit or engagement ring on the internet. Even though it’s 2011 and everyone post pictures of their birth control pills, there are still millions of people who still use a lot of discretion on the internet. I only like to share intimate things with the people I am intimate with. Privacy is the main reason you won’t catch me posting my child’s picture anywhere. I did it before on my website, but then a disrespectful comment rubbed me the wrong way & I never did it again. I don’t post pictures of my vagina, but you know I have one, right?

5) “He didn’t respond to you, he’s a punk!”
I’m not sure if you’re aware of this but, a lot of people don’t get online to indulge in internet beef. Sounds strange doesn’t it! Especially if it’s with someone you don’t even know. To argue everyday, with the same individuals that you don’t even share the same air with, is ridiculous & a waste of time. Ignore ignorance. Sometimes it takes some time for a person to realize that. I used to argue everyday on AOL. But that was when I was younger & immature. After awhile, it gets tired. Monotonous. It solves nothing. The person still doesn’t like you, they’re going to talk shit about you regardless, so why not just ignore them? Trust me, it worked for me. Put it like this, treat these people like a rat in a house 500 miles away. It doesn’t exist to you nor is it invading your personal space. Like the saying goes “Walking away doesn’t mean that you’re a quitter, it means that you are intelligent enough to know when to quit.”

The diagnosis: The internet is the easiest way for insecure people to cope with the struggles they’re having with their immediate lives, self-esteem and social issues. So they channel their hypocrisy & contradictions via social medias. It’s your job to recognize who these people are, and stay clear away from them.

Here are a few success quotes I live by:

Success is how high you bounce when you hit bottom.  ~ George Smith Patton

The man who has done his level best, and who is conscious that he has done
his best, is a success, even though the world may write him down as a
failure.  ~ B.C. Forbes

Success:  To laugh often and much, to win the respect of intelligent people
and the affection of children, to earn the appreciation of honest critics
and endure the betrayal of false friends, to appreciate beauty, to find the
best in others, to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child,
a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has
breathed easier because you have lived.  This is to have succeeded!  ~ Ralph
Waldo Emerson

Taking someone for granted: People become too comfortable with you when you’re too nice. Then, when you decide to tell them about themselves, you’re not acting like “yourself”. Not entirely true. I am being myself. It’s just that I’ve remained nice for too long. I kept catering, and only catering, YOUR feelings. You keep fucking up, I keep forgiving and now you’re taking advantage of me. It stops today.

Cowardice: An example of cowardice is telling everyone how you really feel about a friend, except for the actual person. I’m the type of person that if I have an issue, I’m going to address it with you. Not with Tom. Not with Keisha. With YOU. These days, people don’t have the balls to tell you how they feel. They don’t have the loyalty to talk to you directly. These days, people aren’t able to handle confrontation, or constructive criticism. The world revolves around them. Everyone wants you “keep it 100%”, but when you do that, they don’t want to accept what’s handed to them. “Communicate with me”. Grant them their wish, next thing you know, YOU’RE the one with the “issue”. You’re the “delusional” one. “Girl, you’re tripping”. – No, I’m not tripping. You just can’t handle the truth. When all is said & done, you got nothing accomplished. You walk away feeling like things are unfinished and then the “friend” runs off to complain to OTHER people about you. Instead of just keeping it where it was: private. There’s a name for people like this that also falls under the category of cowardice: bitch. Also: Male bitch, female bitch, immature bitch, big bitch, lil bitch, insecure bitch, self-centered bitch, dumb bitch & stupid bitch. Everyone wants to be respected, without actually giving that respect. Well, you’re not going to get what you don’t deserve. Fuck you.

This week, I don’t know. I am exhausted. I feel like so many people have showed their true colors towards me. Either they’re jealous of what I have going for myself or they want a piece of my positivity because they’re too miserable to find happiness on their own. Well, I got news for you, I’m over it. I’m over getting riled up. I don’t have the energy for it anymore. From this day forward, I’m only going to focus on the positive.