You know, this video just saddens me. At least he’s not out in the streets, joining gangs, getting drunk, driving reckless, or many of the destructive things “bored teenagers” do. He’s actually doing something constructive with his life, if only his mother would get to know him better. Last year my daughter begged me for an acoustic guitar for her birthday. It was $300. Guess what? I got it for her. And she sat right at her computer, and learned how to play by watching YouTube videos. When you’re growing up in a household of so much negativity, it wears you down greatly. Especially when you’re just in your room, minding your own business. I remember there was a time where my grandmother would talk crap about me “always on the computer, playing around with websites”. Look at me now.
so selfish.
- February 19, 2012
- Comments Off
- drama elimination, love & relationships
Selfish people. They suck everything out of you, but when you ask for something in return, they never come through. They pride themselves in making you the bad guy when you finally say “no”. They create melodramatic scenes when you finally ask them to cater to your feelings. For once. You bend over backwards, sometimes even compromise yourself to make them happy. And what’s the thanks you get in return? More selfish acts. More selfish requests. More temper tantrums when they don’t get what they want.
Drained. When you’re the one that’s stuck appeasing everyone in your life, you miss out on your own happiness. You miss out on enjoying things yourself. Then it hits you: you’re tired. You become overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with emotions, feelings and neglect. Because while you’re running around trying to please everyone, no one is running around trying to please you. How do you stop the cycle without losing the people that you love? How do you express your feelings about it, without blowing up because of the frustration?
What if the selfish person is the person you’re in a relationship with? Even though a healthy relationship should be about give and take, in some relationships, selfishness reigns supreme. If your spouse seems forever concerned only about himself, his self-centered ways could put quite the strain on your union. While overcoming this natural tendency to be selfish isn’t something that you can do overnight, with effort you may be able to make him more aware of his selfish ways and perhaps even encourage him to change.
1. Tell him how you feel. Even if you feel your mate’s selfishness is incredibly apparent, he may not see this. Instead of assuming that your mate knows that his behavior is selfish, make your feelings clear. Avoid name-calling when expressing your feelings, but instead focus on simply telling him how you feel and how his lack of attention to your feelings is hurting you emotionally.
2. Write your mate a note. If you struggle with words when speaking to your mate about complex issues such as selfishness face-to-face, express yourself through writing. Compose a letter in which you explain your concerns. By presenting your ideas in written form, you may be able to make it appear less like you are attacking him.
3. Practice compromise. For your mate to be less selfish, he will need to compromise. Start to require compromises for small things, such as selecting a restaurant for dinner, to get your mate used to the idea. By starting small, you can make the transition from selfishness to accommodation a bit less taxing.
4. Insist upon counseling. If your best efforts prove fruitless, counseling may be necessary. If you simply can’t live with your marriage as it stands, demand that your mate go to counseling with you. Although making this demand will likely not be an easy thing to do, it is easier than continuing to exist in a situation in which you are unhappy.
stop it.
- December 14, 2011
- 6 Comments
- drama elimination
When you stop chasing the wrong things you give
the right things a chance to catch you.
As Maria Robinson once said, “Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” Nothing could be closer to the truth. But before you can begin this process of transformation you have to stop doing the things that have been holding you back.
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30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself:
- Stop spending time with the wrong people. – Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you. If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you. You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot. Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth. And remember, it’s not the people that stand by your side when you’re at your best, but the ones who stand beside you when you’re at your worst that are your true friends.
- Stop running from your problems. – Face them head on. No, it won’t be easy. There is no person in the world capable of flawlessly handling every punch thrown at them. We aren’t supposed to be able to instantly solve problems. That’s not how we’re made. In fact, we’re made to get upset, sad, hurt, stumble and fall. Because that’s the whole purpose of living – to face problems, learn, adapt, and solve them over the course of time. This is what ultimately molds us into the person we become.
- Stop lying to yourself. – You can lie to anyone else in the world, but you can’t lie to yourself. Our lives improve only when we take chances, and the first and most difficult chance we can take is to be honest with ourselves.
- Stop putting your own needs on the back burner. – The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too. Yes, help others; but help yourself too. If there was ever a moment to follow your passion and do something that matters to you, that moment is now.
- Stop trying to be someone you’re not. – One of the greatest challenges in life is being yourself in a world that’s trying to make you likeeveryone else. Someone will always be prettier, someone will always be smarter, someone will always be younger, but they will never be you. Don’t change so people will like you. Be yourself and the right people will love the real you.
- Stop trying to hold onto the past. – You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading your last one.
- Stop being scared to make a mistake. – Doing something and getting it wrong is at least ten times more productive than doing nothing. Every success has a trail of failures behind it, and every failure is leading towards success. You end up regretting the things you did NOT do far more than the things you did.
- Stop berating yourself for old mistakes. – We may love the wrong person and cry about the wrong things, but no matter how things go wrong, one thing is for sure, mistakes help us find the person and things that are right for us. We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past. But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future. Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
- Stop trying to buy happiness. – Many of the things we desire are expensive. But the truth is, the things that really satisfy us are totally free – love, laughter and working on our passions.
- Stop exclusively looking to others for happiness. – If you’re not happy with who you are on the inside, you won’t be happy in a long-term relationship with anyone else either. You have to create stability in your own life first before you can share it with someone else.
not their fault
- August 14, 2011
- Comments Off
- drama elimination
“My dad was an alcoholic, that’s why I drink so much.” “I was abused as a child so beating my kids is the only thing I know.” “Everyone at work did it. Why can’t I?” Spare me. Stop blaming everyone else for your current condition & take full responsibility for yourself. People choose to be who they are. All of these poor excuses/justifications you’re making for your wrong doings is only making you appear more weak minded. You don’t choose your family because you’re born into them, however, you make the decisions in who you friends are because that’s the privilege we have. Correct? So why can’t you apply those same decision making aspects into the way you lead your life? Just because you were exposed to alcohol usage, that doesn’t mean it’s okay for you to become an alcoholic. Just because your father physically abused your mother, doesn’t mean you should ever fall prey to hit a woman. I don’t care what you’ve been through. We have been going through life long enough to learn not to make excuses for our faulty ways. How do you expect to grow if we’re unable to learn from our past? From what we’ve been exposed to? If I continue to blame everyone for where I’ve been, isn’t is just as fair for me to blame myself for where I go? We have a reason to be vulnerable or even angry about our history, but there’s no reason for us to remain where we are. There’s no reason to aimlessly try to follow the footsteps of someone else erroneous behavior.
You’re the only person responsible for your happiness. One of our main goals in life is to not be dependent on someone else. To take strides within our own paths in a route that we’ve created, on our own, as the years have gone by. Why let someone else conditions place a restriction in your path or on who you are? Yes I understand we’re influenced by at least one person in our lives, but that doesn’t mean it’s okay to clone their behavior & follow in their negative footsteps. If my mother’s greatest attribute is always giving a helping hand, yet, her least appealing attribute is her addiction to drugs, which one you think is best to pick up? With that being said, spare me the drama and the tear sheds of whoever, whenever, why ever such & such made you act the way you do. All that tells me is that you’re more weak minded than I thought. Mature people with strong minds gives no excuses for their actions. They embrace their shortcomings and if it affects others, they will try their best to fix it. Stop giving the word “influence” so much power. According to dictionary.com, influence means “To affect the nature, development, or condition of.” Interesting. Looks to me, it can work both ways. Positive & negative. Yet, you chose the negative (otherwise known as the meek) route. I really don’t care what you’ve been through to be honest. Granted, scars don’t heal but they are not meant to be the blue print of the rest of your experiences in life. I was raised on getting beatings (or the more politically correct term, spanking) however, the way I raise my daughter is the total opposite of that. Not once have I ever used a belt on her or threatened her physically. And guess what? Her mannerism is outstanding.
Too many people have allowed themselves to remain in situations that are unproductive. All of this blame we place on everyone else for the things we’re unable to do for ourselves are becoming a bit tedious. If you ask me I think it’s all a crock of shit. All this blame being placed on other people is just holding your own life back. While you’re sitting there feeling sorry for yourself because of what someone else did or did not do. Own up to your shit and flip it to something positive. I know for a fact that you know at least one person who was raised a certain way and exposed to certain things and have become the total opposite of what’s been instilled in their mind. Aren’t you one of those people?
As long as you find someone else to blame for anything you are doing, you cannot be held accountable or responsible for your growth or the lack of it.
Hello.
My name is Chanel and I love pink, tattoos and hair weaves. Mother of one, engaged, web designer, loves my cat Princess & my shihtzu Romeo. “Accomplish everything without fear” is one of my favorites quotes. I am not affiliated with nor do I support the illuminati.
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